Pregnant and severely depressed

This is my first time ever posting in a forum but I feel like I've reached the end of my emotional rope and don't know where else to reach out. Currently pregnant with my 4th (unplanned) child. Have struggled with lifelong depression off and on, usually controlled alright with the right dosage. The problem is that during pregnancy the doctors limit me to a low dosage of Zoloft which doesn't block out the depression. They never want to go higher. My husband is stay at home dad and i I'm currently working 6 days a week to support us. I'm exhausted! I have no idea how I'd ever fit therapy into my life, even if it would help. I get so down because I feel like I can't do it all. We don't have family by us to help us out. I also don't have a friend support network because I always feel like it's so hard to find people who would understand our situation and not judge us--let alone finding time and energy to hang out with people and be a good friend in return. I just graduated with my bachelors degree and was ready to take some next steps in my career so we could stop living paycheck to paycheck (right now we are so poor, I'm taking on more at work to beef up my résumé but not getting paid enough). But now that I am 4 months pregnant I feel like I have to wait until after the baby comes. But I am so depressed much of the time. I recently spent my only day off crying all day because the house is such a mess, my little kids want and need my attention since they never see me, and I'm TIRED. I was full of guilt because I wanted to do something fun with them but all I could do was cry and be exhausted. Which made me feel even more depressed and guilty. I am currently 17 weeks and have only shared the news with a few people because I feel like everyone will criticize that we are so poor and pregnant again. We only have 2 bedrooms and soon 4 kids to shelter! Everything seems so bleak. Sometimes I think about how I wish I didn't exist, that my kids would be better off with other parents, or about breaking and throwing stuff and ripping my hair out. I just don't know what to do anymore. Doctors always feel like a dead end when pregnant. But what I feel is NOT normal. I try to talk to my husband about it but he also struggles with depression and it makes him feel like he doesn't do a good enough job. Can anyone give me advice or share experiences that could give me some hope? Some days I wake up and feel like I can cope but on others it literally feels like the world is ending. I still have to tell my job I'm pregnant, but the guilt is killing me. Please help

I am sorry you are having such a rough time. My depression was actually worse during pregnancy so I understand. Is it your OB that is limiting your meds? They actually increased mine while I was pregnant with our son, I was talking prozac. I hope you are able to talk to your doctor and get some help. If you need to chat just PM me.

Hi Vallie, I really can't comment because I don't know what to say to help you, but I want to welcome you to PC. Being pregnant and depressed is tough (I suffered postpartum depression with both of my kids, but that was much different). Is there a possibility of switching you to a more pregnancy friendly medication? You really need to take care of yourself first...can you go to counseling to help alleviate your depression? Your house is a mess, kids need attention...what is your husband doing (sorry, but gotta ask)? This is a team effort, and, in my opinion, he needs to get on board. You'll have to find a way to talk to him (I know, not easy), but he needs to pull his weight. Just my opinion, please take it with a grain of salt). Hugs.

I'm sure I don't have any advice to offer that you aren't already aware of. I just wanted to say that you should be proud of yourself for holding your family together and supporting them. I feel very strongly that our socioeconomic environment is making it incredibly difficult for families like yours - it's absurd that anyone working (more than) full time should still have to live in poverty. I want you to know that you are not broken, the way you feel is okay, and no one should ever judge you for doing what you need to with the cards you've been given. I don't know what the future will bring, but you have proven yourself to be an incredibly strong and selfless person. Don't be afraid to reach out to your state, to charity groups, or even to crowdfunding for help. I for one would donate to your cause in a heartbeat and I'm sure I'm not alone. There is no shame in struggling in a world that has been stacked up against you. Wishing you the best. <3

Hello Vallielayne13, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

If your husband is a stay at home father, why is the house a complete mess? Is he pulling his weight in the relationship?

Sweetie I am so sorry you are feeling such despair. Pregnancy can be an emotionally rocky time at the best of times but it sounds like you have a lot on your plate to cope. First of all please give yourself love and kindness - you need and deserve that so you can be the best mother you can to your children - you are important.

Please seek help and support any way you can. I am not in the US but have heard NAMI is very good - please check Google to see what charities and support groups there are locally to you. If nothing else please check in with us - we are here to listen.