Grrrr bf

Its our 6 month anniversary today so I sent him a text that says happy 6 months and his reply is about some dude at work.

Well I found out there's a big deal going on at work, something that even made the news.

Am I being selfish that I'm disappointed?

I don't think there's any selfishness to disappointment? If you're disappointed, you're disappointed! It's a "disconnect" of sorts and that disappoints one.

I know I often have to work with myself because I'll talk about my thoughts/concerns first, especially in e-mails, and then either "forget" to comment at all on what the other person said or I'll remember and go back to the beginning of my response and add a sentence or two (at least) in reply. My T had to work with me for 6+ years, literally, in person, to teach me to "respond" to the other person when they are actually there, giving me "clues"! So I can see how easy, with text only, it would be not to get any clues and only talk about what one is focusing on at that time in one's real surroundings? Hard to have text on a phone compete with a big deal going on? Can't "grab" him like your warm voice :-) might have been able to.

I would wait until you have his attention and let him know you were disappointed and help him learn more about you, what pleases you, what disappoints you, etc. If you do it with your warm voice :-) he might "catch" himself next time because he does care whether you are happy, just doesn't know what makes you happy and is important to you?

Thanks......

This all has been building up for awhile now....don't have time to get into it cuz I need to go to bed. I've posted here about it before though. Anyway...he can't change the things that are bothering me. We talked and I cried and we're pausing. Until Monday....I don't see a solution though.

No, no one else can change what bothers us but they can be "aware" and sensitive :-) It is very comforting to have someone act like they're paying attention ;-)

We're not responsible for other people's bothers or getting them to change and can ignore their efforts to change us but paying attention to what is "happening" on all these fronts is our job I think and, for me, keeps me comfortable when my husband has a problem and isn't paying attention to me/my suggestions or is otherwise doing his own thing when I am wishing for attention. I had a "good" experience when I wanted something a specific way and didn't think he'd go along with it so kept hammering him about it and it took him 15 minutes to get through to me that I was ignoring the part of his message that said, "I will help you". I was, in effect, fighting with myself all that time :-)

I'm torn. I miss him, haven't talked to him since Friday. We're supposed to talk Monday. Part of me wants to work on it and see if we can make it. He said most relationships go through this kind of rough patch. But the part of me that is looking out for my best interest says its not going to get better, that its going to be a constant struggle. Do I want to spend the rest of my life in two separate rooms.....I just don't know. I really just don't know. I'd be afraid that if I said ok lets work on it that I'd be doing it because I miss him but then why do I miss him? When I ended my last relationship, I was ok afterwards. And when I'm with people I'm ok. Its when I'm alone that I start doubting myself, doubting my gut, my decision. Aahhh I don't know....I don't know what to do.

You don't need to make any immediate or permanent decisions, Rayna... A break doesn't mean a breakup. You can both sit on it for a week or several weeks and see how you feel then. I know that you know this already, but hang in there

Thats exactly what my sponsor said so thats why I told him we'd talk Monday. But I miss him and I'm just so unsure......maybe I can make it work since I've been honest with him about whats bothering me???

I sent him a text message saying I couldn't wait until Monday to make contact and he replied THANK GOD!!!!!!!! So then I was crying happy tears. We're gonna work on this.

(((((((((((((rayna)))))))))))))))))) so glad you re going to work on this. you deserve happiness. especially after all the work and energy you ve (both by the sound of things) been putting into this relationship. let us know how it goes?
good luck tomorrow!

He ended up coming over and it was so good to throw my arms around him. We talked and decided that part of the problem is all the texting while he's at work. He said its a disservice to me because he's distracted and we don't have time to miss each other because we're in constant contact. So we texted this morning until he got to work and now we're not.....day one of the new routine haha.

He was just as miserable as I was, and he reached out to his friends and they took care of him. It was important for me to know that he has a support system that isn't me.

So I'm happy that I didn't run. My first instinct at the sign of trouble is flight. This time I chose fight. I love him and he loves me. Maybe John Lennon was right.....all you need is love hahaha!!!!!

woohooo! yea! am very glad things are better again. im learning so much from you about how to do things right if i ever did get into a relationship!
all you need is love alright... and determination and a good dose of reason and patience and courage and communication skills and and and...

I'm so very happy that we're going to work on things. Its been torture not texting him all day!!! But I know it'll be good for us to not text while he's at work.

having that little bit of space to yourselves during the day sounds to me like moving past the mushy/love is blind stage to a deeper real relationship stage to me. you can do this. just because you cant text him doesnt mean you cant have whole conversations with him in your head ya know!

I sent a text just to let him know I'm thinkin of him and he said he needed that. See now we can just do the cute stuff haha!

hehe. so much for not texting at all at work. :P you guys are so mushy! lol

So as part of our comprimising, he said he wanted to start coming over to my place on Wednesdays after work. I don't do meetings on Wednesdays and he had sporadically started going to eat with a friend from work and then to a meeting, but it wasn't becoming a normal thing. Last night before I left my meeting to come here and do my chat, he said he'd come over right after work and we'd run out and get something to eat before my show is on. (He doesn't watch the show but he knows I watch it and said he'll chill on the computer). So I cleaned up my place and then cleaned myself up and sat back down in front of the computer to a text message from him saying his friend called, he's doing the meeting. I just replied "oh..." and promptly proceeded to cry off all my makeup. After everything we just went through.....Then another text from him says he cancelled. He said it was a momentary moment of stupidity on his part and he had been looking forward to seeing me all day. He's on his way here now. Wow....I don't know what I would have done if he had cancelled on me.

hmmmm should have read this before replying to your other post i guess. sorry hes being so indecisive. guys! humph. im glad hes coming/came round after all though. enjoy the evening!

Yeah luckily he realized his mistake and came over as planned. Whew! Men!!