[BaffledBunnies]

I am currently 17 years old, I will be 18 in three months. I’d like to say I live a fairly average life with my mom, we always seemed to get along, yet it seems that ever since my stepdad came into the picture my parental relationship has gone down hill. Throughout my life I never had a father who was involved financially, or otherwise in my life. My father never paid child support and my mom was afraid to take him to court because she knew he would somehow find a way to slither out of payment all together. Growing up, I remember my mom being with several different men, even at a young age I knew I wouldn’t end up calling them dad, as the relationships never seemed to stick. When I was around 8 years old my mother met my current stepdad, who is, as of now my adoptive father. I remember arguments between him and I as a common occurrence as I was not used to having a male figure of authority in my life and I was and still am an only child. My mom and I moved completely away from our family after she had met a previous boyfriend who encouraged her to move halfway across the country with him. After their split we remained where he had moved us. The cause of my constant arguments and fight with my parents could be due to me just growing into a hormonal teenager, I have always noticed my arguments usually occur with him. Just like any child in my situation, I found it frustrating when my mother sided with him. But recently I have become increasingly uncomfortable around him. He’s always been really touchy towards my butt area, when I was little it was just a little game he’d play where he would sneak up behind me and pinch my bum, knowing damn well I didn’t like it. When I began to grow closer to my teen years, he still continued to do it. He also started making comments about my bum, like how big it was etc. In a kind of teasing manner. I remember one time my mother told him not to talk like that because her father, who was abusive would call my aunt a fat *** and that gave her an extreme body complex. But he still continued on with that behaviour, even though I told him I don’t like it. He once made a comment that was something along the lines of “but it’s the only joy I get out of my day” which I found quite odd. He seems very very cautious about me telling people about what goes on in our house. Once I had gotten into a very large argument with my parents, I ran upstairs to my bedroom, and was followed suit by my stepdad. I closed the door and put my back to the door, putting all my weight onto it, he was on the other side trying to force it open, then the door snapped off of its hinges, the pressure caused me to stumble forwards and as the door flew off the hinges it hit me on the back, leaving a scar across my shoulder blade. I remember him telling me not to tell anyone as they could think I was being abused. I know that it was an accident but what he told me afterwards alerted me. The cause of my feeling uncomfortable around him has only worsened recently. Earlier in the year I had moved from the top floor to the basement, my stepdad was doing work outside one night, over by my window, I was facing the window and changing into my pj’s, I had no shirt or bra on when I noticed him peering down into my bedroom, I was frightened so I ran to cover myself up in my blankets until I was sure he wasn’t in that area any more, he could have been curious and just checking what I was doing. But I don’t have a curtain at my window. Later that night he came into the basement and told me he had looked into my bedroom then had the nerve to ask if I was taking nude photos of myself (maybe to make it seem less awkward idk?) I told him no, I was changing and he said ok and sat on the edge of my bed. I was nervous as I was only wearing a baggy t shirt and underwear, (I was under the covers) I told him that but he just sat beside me on my bed and asked if I wanted to watch a movie with him. I told him I would, but I would need to put some pants on first, he got up and said go ahead, without leaving my room. I asked him politely to leave so he stood in the hallway with the door open. My mom mentioned to me that we needed to get a curtain for my room, I agreed and told her what happened and she kind of just laughed it off. A more recent time, my stepdad texted me asking me if I shopped at lasenza I said I do sometimes and asked him why, he told me his customer’s son was selling giftcards for his football team and he was thinking of buying a pack and lasenza was included. It didn’t seem too odd to me until later that day when he came home and asked me when we were going to go to lasenza, I immediately let him know that that is not something you do with your daughter. He seemed confused and told me I used to walk around the house in my sports bra all the time. I insisted that it was different and now that i am older it is innapropriate. And that he does not need to know what kind of bras and panties I’m wearing. I felt really uncomfortable during the whole thing. Recently I have gotten into a fight with my parents and all this stuff is adding up, it may not be the right time to bring it up to my mom, but I did. She just exclaimed that I am a spoiled brat and I’m being extremely rude. I feel like even though I am uncomfortable my mom is still siding with my stepdad. Are the things he’s doing normal? Am I overreacting? I’ve never lived with a man growing up, so perhaps I am being too sensitive?

[technigal]

You are not over-reacting or being too sensitive. Is there an adult you trust that you could talk to? School counsellor, friend's parent? You could also call a sexual assault centre and talk to someone there and they should be able to give you some guidance.

Hugs. and if you need to talk feel free to pm me.

[*Laurie*]

Hi, I was physically and sexually abused by my step-father between the ages of 11 and 17 (when he moved away). My own father was also mostly out of the picture. My mother constantly made excuses for my step-father's behaviors. I wouldn't have dreamed of speaking out to anyone about the abuse at the time (this was back in the '70's).

Please follow your instincts and your intuition. If your mother will not protect you, do not allow her behavior to dissuade you from protecting yourself. Speak up whenever you need to and set boundaries. Please do not be afraid to say to your step-father What you're doing is wrong. If you can speak with a therapist or counselor, do so.

Best to you. I truly hope the best for you

[healingme4me]

Gosh that brought back my own memories. Except by the time I was in my late teens and sent packing to live with my mom and stepdad, my stepdad was too sick to be as physically aggressive. But most certainly, boundaries were crossed in his suggestive remarks. Therein lies the rift that was left between myself and my mom. Her codependecy was no excuse to allow such behavior. I say this, to let you know you are not alone in this journey.

I agree, having an adult that you can trust with this is very important. It's a sanity saver.