I never feel pretty enough compared...

to other young girls/women in my classes. I am a untraditional college student, a few years late and living at home with dependants. It seems all the girls in my classes are beautiful with nice clothes, white teeth, and socially chatter amoungst themselves. Nobody seems to talk to me much, if they do it's apart of class communication. I feel everything I say is stupid. I want to feel comfortable with my peers and be less distratced by the fact that I feel to inferior to be there.

Man do I know how you feel......I was never one who fit with "the norm" in school. I've never had the money to keep up with the latest style and use the best beauty products or go to the salon. Its easy to get intimidated by that.

I'm not in school but I've got a similar group of girls in my life. All beautiful and rich with nice cars and perfect clothes/hair/skin. Its really easy to get envious and wish they'd talk to me.

But one of things I've realized about this group of girls (I'm gonna try and say this nicely because I really work on not talking smack about people).....they don't have what I want. They have their looks and their money. They don't have the kind of life experiences I've had and I wonder what will happen to them if they ever get in a bind. They appear fake....they don't appear to have real compassion or any sense of selflessness. I look at the inner qualities I have and I like my qualities much better.

When I start feeling ugly in comparison I have to remember that everyone is so different and I wouldn't want to look and act just like everyone else. I remember that my true friends love me for I am. And I like not being plastic. =)

Look into yourself for empowerment. Look at the things you like about yourself and also celebrate your flaws. We all have them, and they make us who we are. I've learned that I project what I feel....if I'm feeling unattractive, thats what I project. If I'm depressed, thats what I project. Yet when I'm feeling confident and happy, I'm more fun to be around and even I like to be around myself lol.

There's always going to be people who appear to have more than us, on the outside. But what do they have inside that compares? I mean sure, Paris Hilton is beautiful but I wouldn't want to sit and chat over coffee with her!

As women we have to empower ourselves. I've worked hard on that over the last couple of years and I falter all the time. But I'm the only person I can count on because others are fallible. If I believe in myself, no one else can sway me.

Welcome to PC; I hope you find good support here!

i feel the same way

and you know what i think...(which i know doesnt mean much)

but deep down i think every girl/woman looks at her peers and judges herself according to them...no matter if they look like a beauty queen or a normal girl just working ....some do know they are pretty.....some are rich enough to buy expensive clothes and ill tell you a secert....i dont make alot of money and most of my clothes came from walmart when i was in high school...but i am going to buy some nice clothes for myself because i can afford it now...and their are nice stores in Cali...unlike PA
i am buying these clothes to make myself feel better about myself...i want to try and finally have something that i never had before.....and the only way i know how to improve myself and make myself feel better is to try and change the outside since i am so insecure on the inside...and in my mind if i make myself look beautiful and powerful on the outside nobody will try and hurt me or take advantage of me on the inside...

just my thoughts

Hey, I get the "few years late" thing. I am transfering as a Junior to a university next semester at age 27. Right now I am taking my last lower division class requirement at community college and I have to say, I am 6 years older than the oldest person (other than myself) in the class. Truth is, even though at first it felt weird that I didnt' fit in and that they didn't really want to chat with me outside of class discussions... I realized that it isn't because I have a few creases, a bigger tummy, and non-so-sexy clothes. It is more that we just are at different stages in our lives, even though our goals are the same (get through school) and we just don't match up. Sometimes I think they may be a little intimidated by my life experience, where I'm intimidated by their beauty. Remember, if you don't fit in with them, its because they also don't fit in with you. I don't know if you are at community college or university, but at university you will find all kinds of different people with different experiences moreso than at the community colleges where a portion of the kids are just there because they finished high school and don't know what else to do (not all of them, obviously, but a portion). Maybe if you join a club and expand your horizons you will find people you fit better with. Remember, we all can't be beauty queens and we aren't young forever, but that doesn't make us any less of people!

I agree with the separate stages in life experience. Hardly any students at my university have children or a husband, or experience the hardhsips I have through out my life. Many of them seem pampered and sheltered and inexperienced. It's okay though, I'm not angry with them for being this way....but it's an obvious difference in character. I think you're right when you say this.

Clothes do make a huge difference in appearance, but as fear as esteem it doesn't do diddly %#@&#!. I recently spent a lot of money on clothes because of the weight I lost and I still feel inadequate. Don't get me wrong, it helps...but it's what's under those clothes that doesn't change.

I've some how sort of blamed these girls for my insecurities, but it's actually my misconception. I have to learn to deal with my esteem problems myself and quit envying those who have more then me both possession wise and look wise. I need to be grateful for what I do have.

we have a few older students in our class - I'm the opposite I am years younger than anyone else and at first I felt out of it and people were a bit apprehensive speaking to me. But maybe I'm lucky, we do lots of stuff where we have to work in smaller groups and together a lot and everyone becomes good friends by being made to work with each other.
I was always the outcast at school and I am now a nerd and proud of it.
It is hard in the beginning to initiate the conversations but once people get to know you it gets better. Not all the people in you class are like Barbie dolls are they? Maybe try to befriend some of the quieter, less noticable 'nerdy' people, that's what I do. They are often feeling the same as you and too shy to initiate things (i know i did)
And remember you don't need to get along with everyone or even most people in your class, you just need a couple of good friends to help with study etc and the best people for that are the quiet ones.

You O Me,

Hey, I didn't get to go back to college until I was 32. At about that time, supposedly older women were supposed to be returning to college full-time in droves. Well there was one older lady and me in my classes.

Don't worry about fitting in, which is easier said than done. Just look to forging a path for yourself. You're not there for the social experience, although I know it is more pleasant to have some positive social interface during the day.

After getting my BBA and MBA, having a rewarding business career working for a major corporation, I am now retired and teaching economics at a community college.

Welcome to PC, and follow your dreams.

EJ

YouOme,

It's the hardest thing in the world to do, but you have to be comfortable in your own skin. It doesn't matter what clothes cover it, what kind of car drives it to class, or the amount of money in your wallet. All things being equal, you have to like yourself first.

Look at the positives, you're able to go to college to better yourself and increase the chance of having a career that you'll enjoy. That's an amazing thing! You are in a different stage in your life than most of your classmates, this makes you, I will not say better as I do not believe any person is better than the next, but wiser.

Give yourself a break and a pat on the back for doing the work!