I can't help it

I am a terrible flirt sometimes. At the moment I feel really low and extremely insecure. I like male attention, obviously because I don't get enough attention of my hubby. Is it wrong to flirt? I've been in trouble before and he threatened to leave me because he thought something was going on here with a new member which was completely untrue although I did flirt.

I crave attention, I am insecure, have no esteem and no confidence so to me it's just a little fun. and it makes me feel good. its only cyber stuff like dancing in the chat room lol.

Jin

Well, 11 people read this and not 1 replied, so you either disagree or you think I'm bad.

I don't give a flying f..... right now. I am angry, tired of being put down or controlled or feeling invisible, unattractive, insecure and unloved. I'm not physically doing anything wrong, so IF i FEEL LIKE FLIRTING i BLOODY WELL WILL.

If you have something to say bloody say it. Yes I've been in trouble before over flirting on line - i say if I was getting attention enough at home I wouldn't need to. Least I'm not screwing around IRL. flirting on line is words words words words on a computer screen DANCING CYBERLY, HUGGING, we all do that!!
Is watching filthy porn, other women in explicit sexual positions with their phone numbers attached better? He knows I have self esteem issues, he knows I find it offensive, he knows they are younger, slimmer, prettier than me, yet he prefers them to me. TOUGH. If I want to flirt I will. People who say nice things to me make me feel good WHY AM I EXPLAINING MYSELF? I AM A GROWN WOMAN FOR CHRISTS SAKE.

jin

Oh Jinny I am soooo sorry I didn't read this yesterday. I was in a rush and only hovered on the subjects briefly.

I'm sooo sorry you're feeling ignored here. Maybe some of the other women who have exprience with this haven't had time to reply, or maybe the ones who viewed your post didn't have anything to reply with. Sometimes if I don't have any experience I won't say anything.

I have two bits of exprience with this. One was in my last relationship. While in that relationship, I ran into a man from my past, one who I used to have deep feelings for. We exchanged numbers and would text each other every so often. Soon it turned into extreme texting, heavy flirting and then even some dirty conversations. I told my friend about this and she called it emotional cheating. She said I was getting from this other man what I wasn't getting out of my relationship. I put a stop to the texts for a time, but then it started up again. I had to take a hard look at the relationship and came to the conclusion that I just wasn't happy enough if I was doing these things in text. I'm not the physically cheating kind, but my friend was right, I was doing the emotional cheating thing.

Then just recently, in my current relationship, there were some things I wasn't happy with. I started talking to a friend online about it all, but he's not just an online friend; I know him in real life. We started flirting on yahoo...Unlike in my last relationship with the texting, I felt guilty about it. I ended up telling my boyfriend I needed a break and it only lasted a day and then I was so miserable without him, that we decided to work on things, and I have stopped the flirting on yahoo.

For me, I can't do the online flirting, not heavily anyway. A few fun comments in chat, like saying I'm dancing with a member, yeah no problem. I'm only speaking for myself here. But when I noticed myself reaching out for other men, I knew I had to do something. I had to either leave the relationship or tell my boyfriend what I needed from him. I'm so grateful I chose to talk to him so we can work on things. I got lucky; he's willing to work on the things that were bothering me......I hope things work out for you Jinny and I'm so sorry you're feeling ignored here.........

((((((((((((((ray ray))))))))))))))

My sweet friend who I miss so much - I know what you are saying, I am just so unhappy right now, and like I said, if I was getting what I needed at home I wouldn;t need to reach out would I.

It's something I need in my healing process and cant get, it's just not working,

sad, Kerry xoxoxoxxo

love you baby

you know, I think a certain small amount of flirting between people is completely normal. I mean, we are all sexual creatures and when dealing with others of the sex we are attracted to,(or sexes, whatever floats your boat) i think a little bit of affection can be completely normal. I think that one does have to be careful not to cross the boundaries of others though. The thing is to be able to differentiate between healthy flirting and unhealthy flirting.

Jinny, I know what you mean. I have been in the same situation a few times where I wasnt getting what I needed and sought it elsewhere. Have you told your SO this? Is it possible to sit down and explain to him what you feel you are missing out of the relationship? Maybe you have done this already.

Either way here are some hugs ((((hugs))))

{{{{{{jinnjinn}}}}}}

im right along there with ya.. never be sorry for letting our sparkling personality shine through..its all in good fun.. and if you and others had a few laughs and smiles.. then its worth it. laughs and smiles are scarce around here at times... anytime im here and you wanna have fun. i'll be right there beside ya



XOXOXO Vanessa

I think since you are in a relationship, at times you have to think beyond your immediate need to consider whether making a choice is worth losing your significant other. I don't know how serious the flirting is but, however the situation, if this is a thing that hurts your relationship, it could motivate you to curtail your flirting and communicate with your husband what you need. Just a thought.

yeah. while flirting might be helping you feel good it seems like it is resulting in your partner feeling bad.

maybe a comprimise could be worked out?

I have tried so many times, so many to tell him I am feeling neglected. He either gets aggressive or clams up. He knows exactly how I feel right now, I burst into tears the other night, said I was having a bad moment and went to our bedroom. It was my daughter who came to comfort me. He was watching the rugby, it had just started, so obviously it took preference over my feelings.
OK some of you may think well he may not have known I needed him, but I know him and he knows me like the back of his hand, he knows I need lots of cuddles right now, he just will not give anything of himself to me in these situations, if he hurts cos I flirt then he should show his emotions more. My daughter thinks he doesn't give a damn about her, what does that tell you? It's not just me he's not affectionate with. My son never goes to him with issues, it's always me.

I try to tell hubby this but he refuses to listen.

That's my situation.

Jin

((((((( Jinny )))))))))

I'm so sorry honey.......boy do I know about the sports problem. My boyfriend and I almost broke up over it. When we first started dating, I didn't mind all the sports because I just wanted to be with him, so I was learning about the sports and getting into playoffs and such. But eventually it felt like I took second place to the game. I felt like I couldn't talk while the games were on. I almost left him. Luckily I decided to come clean with him about everything and he said he thought I liked the sports. I had set up the expectation that I enjoyed it, but eventually I couldn't pretend as much anymore. Since the almost break up he's made a lot of comprimises.

Have you talked to hubby about some family counceling? Does he know how much its affecting the kids? Its not ok to feel so alone in a relationship; you shouldn't have to deal with that. Maybe you could convince him to go counceling as a family. Sometimes couples get to a point where they just can't do it on their own. My boyfriend and I have our AA sponsors that we turn too when we're having problems with each other......so maybe marriage counceling or family counceling would help? Would he be at all willing? I hope he sees that you love him and need more.....I really hope he comes around for you. You are such a sweet soul.....you don't deserve to be so miserable (I know you're saying "yes I do" but you don't, so quit beating yourelf up ). Keep pushing and working for what you need.....love ya babe, hang in there......and keep posting k? It helps.

((((((((rayray)))))

We sort of have a family councellor who is wonderful, he comes as often as we like and we have only just started with him, so that's a good thing. Things have been a lot better today and my daughter and him are talking again, I think he is going through an identity crisis at the moment, we will get through I'm sure, I just wish therapy didn't take so long (my therapy)I'm trying not to feel guilty about putting everyone through it.

Thanks rayray, love you girlfriend, remember that night we were having a laugh in here with all the accents and my daughters friends? I'll always remember that with a big smile, so funny, I miss you.

Kerry xoxxoxoxoxox

Oh good, I'm glad things are showing some improvement.

I do remember that night with all the accents!!! Quite a feat with just typed words I might add!!! I miss chatting too. Its not the same anymore.