internalized misogyny

Does anybody else have internalized misogyny? Is there any way to deal with it. I don't really want to go into detail about how I feel as I'm afraid to upset people.

I certainly hope that I haven't. I don't spend time worrying about the perceived or real patriarchy. Nature has a funny way of balancing things out. I'm turning into a Matriarch, soooooo......

Why walk on eggshells when you need to express what's on your mind?

I don't really have an issue with the patriarchy per se (except for the men who act like I'm only another man's accessory and not an actual person or purposely exclude me from something that doesn't require male genitals to be a part of) but rather things like the inequalities of sexual response, a higher prevalence of health issues and a medical system that tends to ignore, downplay, and not thoroughly research issues, and periods.

I dislike how biologically the male sexual response is necessary so it works (barring medical issues, men using orgasm if they want to), but biologically there's no reason for women to orgasm so even if you want to orgasm, your body doesn't (I'm talking about all sex acts, not just intercourse) and then you have to take care of it yourself, leaving you to wonder what's the point of have a sex drive and having sex with another person? I keep thinking, if I had a penis, I would actually get to enjoy sex with other people. It must be nice.

I also keep have either a rare vaginal infection (no information available online) or a mix of infection(s) and allergies. And it's horrible to have to wait to see a doctor because you're on your period. Or it takes two months and two attempts at tests to discover that you do in fact have an infection. I doubt that men get lots of infections/irritation/allergies in their genitals and they certainly can go to the doctor when they realize it's an issue because they don't have to wait until their period is over to get medical care.

And with periods...I can never find anything that's consistently comfortable with dealing with it. Pads and liners get irritating to my skin and I can't insert anything half the time because of what must be another infection. I have zero other symptoms other than it burns to insert a menstrual cup and sometimes it itches a little or feels irritated after the area is cleaned or something (using soap suggested by a doctor). And there's the feeling that you have to convince a sexual partner that you're not gross and untouchable on your period and actually quite clean when using something like a menstrual cup.

I just resent that I was given these sex organs. I want to actually be able to enjoy sex if I ever get a chance to have sex again. I want to not live in fear of getting infections/whatever this is in such an awful place.

I also grew up being referred to and hearing my mom being referred to as an animal name...and just knowing that I'm not a person because I don't have a penis. That doesn't help.