In a nutshell

A few days away from the internet dealing with real life challenges,.... I feel like a little ship battled by storms that keep on coming BUT, an inner voice started talking about natural things: trees, wood, nuggets and nutshells.

That inner voice says that I've never been safe, actually - so now it insists that we create somehow a "nut shell", we must prioritise putting down rocks and planting trees.

My identity, and my sense of safety always hinged on being eaten up by the need to work for economic survival.

Now it's time to turn to soul feeding.

For me this might move on from the female/ gender identity thread. I have this image of creating a wooden room shaped like the inside of a nutshell with shelves for all manner of creative, beautiful, inspirational identities.

Not sure if this makes sense, but it is a work in progress. Let other people deal with the outside battles for just one hour/day/ week! I've fought, and I've given, and I've pushed myself because it seemed to be required of me. Then people just take everything for granted and want more.

Does anyone else like the idea of a nutshell space - perhaps a chair or the corner of a room? Perhaps you already have this in your lives?

Best wishes

Saidso

I don't know what I'm talking about, but there is a demand from inside me to counterbalance the always battling with other people's egos. Every time I create safety, I do make some safe space but also I get pulled out by real life emergencies.

OK here we go - another battle - and then the battle within the battle which has to do with surviving anxiety and insomnia. Yeah, a little bit validated by some irl people but also stretched by others.

Remember that the nutshell, the joy of creating safety and sanity... the occasional reflection from others about what is really important... trees, wood, nuggets, and plain old stubbornness... breathe!

Surprisingly what helps to hold me together is the smallest sense of responsibility to other people - that it makes a difference to their life if I'm - just a little bit - positive. That and the odd moment of compassion.

I like that analogy. I think of how a nutshell holds nourishment through the winter months.

I, internally, carry forth on my shoulders and have spoken it to my inner circle that knows my history, "I dare you to have walked a mile in my shoes. I promise you, you'd be curled up in a ball."

Thank you healingme4me! Trees and nuts remind me that however much bad people do... many of the trees in my neighbourhood have seen 4 generations grow old. It's a marvel, just reminding me that I also am a marvel of biology.

Your second comment is very much to the point. I had a young friend ask today why I get upset by other people's bad behaviours towards me. I'm going to have to think about where to start explaining to someone who has it all and often wrecks what she has. Going to give that a few days until I'm less reactive.

I like that you can tell people that!!! I don't hide my horrible childhood. I just stopped talking about it because I take the best from that experience and move forward. But once in a while it catches up with me.

I spent 30 decades speaking out and trying to educate health practioners, but then the health practices got worse - and I saw friends go through cancer chemo and such...

So much is talked, but our health structures are secretive and hugely resistent to change. I talk to people about my experience only if I feel that it will be helpful to them.

I would love to have something shaped like the inside of half a walnut and polished, and I know a carpenter so one day that might be possible - if other financial priorities don't take over . I marvel at trees in storms, and especially marvel in springtime.

I admire how you have learned to express yourself flexibly and verbally. Thank you!

((((((((( hugs )))))))))