Weird turn ons

I woke myself up this morning after a dream, where I became aroused.

Of course this led to self pleasuring. But it occurs to me regularly that the things that arouse me are far from normal.

Porn is something I have never watched. I get turned on by watching or thinking about men overpowering women. Have never fantasised or been turned on by real life rape or violence by a man towards a woman. Generally it has been in a mutually confrontational situation, e.g. a man overpowering female assailants. I get turned on by watching mixed arm wrestling videos where the man wins. And the dream this morning was my male friend who I have romantic feelings for (confusing I know as I often think I am a lesbian) beating me at an online quiz. So was not physical dominance, more intellectual.

What I would like to know is if anyone can relate to this? I have been this way since I was a kid. This is the only thing that has ever got me going. I can't get aroused (with a man) during sex, or particularly aroused by foreplay, and have never been with a woman, but have never had fantasies about women or being with them. In a way it's not helpful. Have tried being dominated by men in bed but it doesn't seem to work as well in real life or unless I am watching it in the third person.

Can anyone relate?

I was raped when twelve by three black men. I wake up wet and wanting to masterbate when I have nightmare of that night. I'm so weird to get excited about such a terrible experience.

Yes, I relate. Porn can sometimes arouse me, all kinds n also food, licking, etc....lol, yup, I’m turned on by some funny weirdness!

The domination thing is very common among women. In my impression anyway. My friend and I sometimes joke, those who are dominant in day to day life are submissive in bed and vice versa. She and I are quite extroverted and confident and we both enjoy being dominated in bed. We also know some very shy men and more than one of them told us that they enjoy dominating their partner.

I did some reading. I think the term that's more accurate is a ravage fantasy rather than a rape fantasy since rape by it's nature is unwanted. Ravage fantasies are common among straight women.

As far as the other elements you mentioned...not really enjoying the dynamic unless watching as 3rd person...I imagine that is tied into your attachment style and feelings about intimacy. Though I'm no expert. Ever tried talking it over with a sex therapist? I had one friend who said it helped her a great deal and opened her eyes to a lot of her sexual issues.

My psychologist wrote to a sex therapist once to get help with this but she wrote back saying they didn't provide therapy for people with diagnosed mental disorders. Is discrimination but let's face it that's normal as far as mental health problems go. If I ever did get help it would cost money which I probably couldn't afford. I think it probably would help though, thanks for the advice.