Lesbian Visibility Day

Apparently today is 'lesbian visibility day'.




Apologies to anyone if I cause offence with this post, is just my honest personal thoughts on my issues around sexuality.

As someone who finds women physically attractive, often more so than men, but feels sick at the thought of being with a women intimately, it's fair to say I am sexually confused. I don't know if this means I am not a lesbian, or that I am just not comfortable with the fact I am and am sick with the fear of coming out and truly accepting my true self.

What makes someone a lesbian? I don't particularly like the word, and it sticks out at me when I read it in a paragraph. This is probably related to my mh issues around it all, and the fact I have had two psychotic episodes where I have been convinced people have been saying I am a lesbian.

There are a lot of connotations around who people think lesbians are. I have been told I can't be a lesbian because I am not tough, and bolshie. I'm not masculine either, which is a stereotype. But the fact is I find women who are feminine more attractive than men a lot of the time, not 'masculine' looking women, and I like feeling feminine. At the same time I don't obsess over my looks to the point that I am a virtual make up artist, and have never been good at doing my hair, make up or nails, and I am not maternal, so that probably fits all the stereotypes.

Surely the main thing is how you feel inside, rather than how you behave in general and towards others?

I have no desire to be with a woman, or 'experiment', and I even(as I posted the other day) had a dream the other night where my male friend beating me in a quiz turned me on, literally. Could a lesbian be turned on by this?

If people haven't been too offended by what I have posted here, I would like to ask anyone who identifies as lesbian when and how they 'knew' they were gay, and what being a lesbian means to them. And do you think a lesbian could theoretically be turned on by male dominance, physical or intellectual? I don't experience any arousal from female dominance, although if a woman is muscular and masculine sometimes I can find it arousing to see her dominate another woman (this has happened only in the context of watching female tennis players).

Could I be bisexual? Or could it just be that I am too hung up on labels? Is it best to just love who you are attracted to and not worry too much about what their gender happens to be?

Once again apologies if any offence has been caused, and thank you for reading this far.

Hugs to you. I’m not a lesbian but noticed nobody has replied to your post yet. Thanks for sharing.

Thank you, am hoping I haven't put people off posting by offending them.

When I say I feel sick at the thought of being with a woman I am talking purely about me, I don't feel sick at the thought or sight of other women being together. Have probably come across as a bit homophobic, tbh. Was not my intention to offend but if I have can only apologise again, is just my thoughts relating to me being a lesbian, am not applying them to anyone else.

Hi Romantic Rose,

I am not a lesbian so I realize I am not the audience from whom you were requesting responses. I just want to reach out and share that I don't think your post was offensive. I think you may get more responses if you try it on the Sex forum or the new LGBTQ+ forum. Just an idea for you.

Peace.

No, not offended. I agree with the idea that the other section might produce answers about knowing. One of my aunts didn't come out until well after her son was born, albeit, as far as I remember being told, exploring along the bisexual spectrum even before he was born. My early memories of her only include her and her gf. My cousin is 18months older than myself. A rather swift family push for acceptance during the 70s.

Your post is not offensive at all. Due to the religious beliefs and cultural traditions, many people who have these feelings don't explore them. If you are not in a committed relationship, I think it is fine to explore. You might even find that you are not really attracted--the attraction may be about doing what is "wrong" or you might find true love by not being afraid to go for it. My POV is that people have a right to find true love and happiness. Life is too short not to be yourself and express yourself.

I am bisexual but your discussion leads me to believe that you are bicurious. lesbians find men repulsive which you do not appear to. you are either straight or a repressed bisexual. until you get intimate with a female you won't know. no one but you can solve the mystery. if you find intimacy with a female repulsive you are definitely straight. if you enjoy interacting with women and men you are bisexual. if you find intimacy with men and women repulsive you are asexual.

I wasn’t offended either

I also think people have a right to find happiness and true love

And also you have the right to be yourself and express yourself as we all do (there may be some who are offended by that but they would be in the minority and I very much doubt if anyone here would be offended)

i agree. you should probably explore with a female and see how you feel

Hi Romantic Rose!

I could have written your post almost word for word. I am a heterosexual female. I like being feminine, but I don't spend too much time on my looks (i.e. I don't do makeup or style my hair). And yet I find the woman's body more pleasing to look at than men's. However, I am not sexually attracted to women. Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian and other women have wished the same of me. It would be easier not just because of my physical attractions, but also because I long for emotional intimacy with a women. But I'm not a lesbian or even bisexual. I have had dreams and fantasies of being with women physically and sexually, but the sexual ones turn me off. Sometimes I think I'd love a relationship with an asexual woman. But then I would miss sex with a man.

It's complicated to say the least. I'm slowly trying to understand it, or more like come to terms with it. My husband knows about this, and isn't bothered by it at all.

I don't know if this applies to you, but I was raised mostly by my dad. He would always point out beautiful women to me. I think I find women more attractive because I was trained to find beautiful women in a crowd for him. It's just a theory of mine.

Whatever the case, you're not alone. I hope you find peace with yourself.

I've had a somewhat of a similar experience in my lifetime. I don't really like spending too much time with make-up and fashion, but taking care of my body I enjoy, like working out and eating healthy.
In the past I had some lesbian/bi women approach me but I told them I was straight. I continued to have relationships with straight men because that's what I found most attractive and comfortable for myself.


In the last years I found myself attracted to a few women, who were openly lesbian/bi, and even thought of them in a sexual way, which I've never done before in my life. I can totally relate on the wanting to experience something with another women because of emotional intimacy because so much research shows that sex is far more fulfilling between 2 women as opposed to a heterosexual couple for a woman. I'm not saying that heterosexual couples don't have great sex, but in a lot of research the guys have a better time, than the average girl does.


If it continues and I see more signs it might be something I try explore or learn more about.