A woman who only has male friends

If a woman only has male friends saying "females are too difficult/ complicated to deal with," can she have a balanced life?

I don't know the answer to your question.. but I can be your friend if you want!.

Hello Ennie. Interesting topic! I find it much easier to be friends with men than with women. I do value friendship with women but I have repeatedly struggled with female friendships. A person's a person at the end of the day. I respect men and women. I am just being honest that I would be much more comfortable and interested at a table with men than a table of women on an eve out. I should mention that I grew up in single-sex schools and the girls there were vicious to each other and to me. It was deeply unpleasant. Unfortunately, I see the same relational aggression among many adult women of various ages. I remain hopeful that some day I will build some lasting healthy friendships with women.

My current closest friend is my partner: a man. Two of my three sisters and mother are judgmental and very difficult to get along with. But one out of three sisters isn't bad, right? When I am in mixed company...various couples at a house party for example...you will often find me chatting in the men's group for most of the eve. I am comfortable there and so are the men. The women initially judge me and then once they get to know me, they usually have no problem with it. I quickly run out of things to say in a group of only women...partly because I don't participate in denigrating other women's looks, outfits, intelligence etc. That seems to be how many women bond with each other; by putting down/excluding other women. I am unmarried with no desire to marry and I do not want a baby so there are many topics which a lot of women enjoy discussing that I don't have anything to add to....wedding planning, bridal showers, honeymoons, babymoons, planning pregnancy, experiencing pregnancy, childbirth, day care etc etc

I also really appreciate male humor which is completely different from female humor. I've had male and female friends who called me "part dude." Hahaha! I'm okay with that!

Can a woman with only male friendships have a balanced life? Sure. If the friendships are what she wants and she feels happy and safe. Why not? Balance is different for everyone in life. I don't believe in absolutes or a one-size-fits-all formula. Women treat some women differently than other women....and some women like myself grow weary of that and give up for a while Though I should mention that I have a female friend on PC of whom I'm very fond and greatly respect

Are you the woman with only male friends or the questioner?

Totally agree, Silver Trees, I feel the same. I was bullied at school a lot by girls and it was nasty bullying, so I sympathise.

Of course it can cause problems if you have a male partner and they are jealous of your male friendships.

I don't have any close female friends. I don't miss that either. Have no husband, partner or kids, and at my age that's just not seen as normal for women, so what would we talk about? I have nothing to contribute to 'female' conversations.

Thank you for sharing your truth, Romantic Rose. I enjoy seeing you around the forums

My current partner initially raised an eyebrow upon learning about my close male friends when we first started dating. It was never a secret, I am up front about it. He had not yet met them when he was questioning it. I explained that they were in fact legit friends and not former lovers or ex-boyfriends or intermittent lovers or anything like that. I also emphasized that I am not willing to date someone who refuses to accept that I have male friends. So, of course he had some thinking to to. I asked if he would like to meet my male friends. He did and really liked them. As he spent time with us all together, he could see that there was no flirting or "long-gaming" or anything that would undermine his relationship with me. He grew to like my male friends and so he accepted them. We have spent time together and I also spend time with male friends without my partner.

I used to be married. My husband did not want me to have any friends or family. He was jealous about EVERYONE else in my life: female friends, gay male friends, straight male friends, male and female family members, male and female colleagues etc. I am an extrovert and love being around people but as the abuse from my husband progressed, he managed to drive everyone away from me. I later learned in therapy that isolating a spouse by driving away their friends is a major part of spousal abuse.

Anyway, I am divorced and safe now. My current partner (I'll never marry again by my own choice) is a stable and loving man. I mention my history because I am acutely aware of how an insecure partner can cause problems with their partner's friendships and for me, that is not okay. There are a lot of adults, male and female, who would lose their minds if their significant other had friendships with members of the opposite sex. This, in my opinion is very sad and often destructive.

Being someone's partner does not authorize a person to dictate who someone can and cannot speak with. And yet often in society that controlling and manipulation is considered a "normal" part of marriage and commitment. Based on my own experience and open mind, I like to open up the dialogue about this. I read some very interesting psych articles on the advantages of having opposite sex friendships. I know that I leave learned a great deal from
conversations with my male friends. Back when I was single, they often gave me advice about dating men....I always say if you want to understand a problem with a man, ask a man, not a woman. Men and women can be friends of course. With good boundaries and not former or would-be lovers. And if there's a significant other, then that person of course needs to be aware of the opposite sex friends and can see for him/herself that the friendships are legit.

Hope you and Ennie don't mind my sharing! I feel quite passionate about this topic. Sadly, when i was married I lost some very good people in my life. And several were male friends; gay and straight.

Romantic Rose, may I ask if you have had a partner (male or female) who was uncomfortable or unsure about your male friends? if you feel comfortable sharing, I'd love to hear more. if not, no problem

Can Men and Women Be "Just Friends"? | Psychology Today

This is not the article I was remembering from a while ago on the value of opposite-sex friendships. But his points are well made on the potential problems and how to avoid them.

It's interesting that a few members here, including myself, have been bullied by women. I, too, used to hang out mostly with guys for just that reason. I felt they were easier to get along with, and that they wouldn't stab me in the back by saying nasty and untrue things about me. I don't think there's anything wrong with having mainly male friends. The only issue, as has already been mentioned, is if a partner takes issue with it. I had an ex who couldn't stand the fact that I had male friends. It became a huge problem between us. Can you lead a balanced life? Well, that depends on what you mean by balance. It's not balanced if one has mainly male friends. But I think a person can be perfectly happy with just male friends. I guess it all depends on the individual and that individual's life? Is it a problem? Does it present a problem? I now lead a more balanced life of male and female friends, though it took years for me to trust women again.

No, it's not me but someone I know.

Are you concerned about your friend, Ennie?

I usually don't pop in here but I think this was an interesting topic. Does balance matter that much? I used to have a lot of guy friends. For that reason. Plus I found their support less superficial.

Doesn't mean any guy can be my friend. And doesn't mean any female cannot.

Actually, I realize I have some secret rule here. The females are often on the autistic spectrum or ADHD/ADD or gay. The guys are a bit softer men, usually techie guys.

I think I just like nerds, of either gender.

I have hard time with extremes, like men that always go to the gym for their looks, or men that have an unnecessary aggressive attitude. And women who only speak indirectly and have superficial ideas about looks.

Maybe what I strive for IS balance???

(My own gender is like 35 % male 5 % female and the rest no gender, habitating a female body).

Well, she doesn't truly befriend me because I am a female, and I am feeling a bit unaccepted by her.

Interesting. Is she someone you want to have a close friendship with? An acquaintance? Someone you need a good working relationship with?

I don't want to make assumptions or suggestions without more info. Please elaborate if you feel like it. Either way, I wish you peace!

Yes, I had a male partner (it was not a relationship, more like 'friends with benefits', and in all honesty he obviously was more into me than I was into him) who was very jealous of my male friends. In the end I kind of chose my friends over him, as he was not very supportive or understanding at times. I am not sure if that was because he was jealous or if he was just like that all the time. He did say some rude things about people with mh issues and could be obnoxious even before having male friends became a problem, which put me off. But to be fair on him one of my friends was an ex and another was one I had feelings for (although he lived at the other end of the country) so that likely did not help.

I know for me, before I got sober (not that being sober has to do with it) I kept all women at arms length-thinking they were all gossips and b**ches. When I allowed myself to feel vunerable again I realized that all women weren't like this and that as long as I am good at detecting BS and protecting myself I could open myself up to other women. Now I have a really good support network but it took years. Partly because I felt like I could get along with men better but my own personal self worth was caught up in what men thought of me. These were messages that carried over from my childhood. It mattered very much what all people thought of me but it mattered way to much how men thought of me. I measure myself with their ruler. I realize how unhealthy that is now. As far as balance goes, for me it helps to have both men and women friends but I wouldnt go so far as to say that a woman without female friends was imbalanced. I think balance very much depends on what kind of relationships are fulfilling and what you are looking for in potential friends. I do think that actively avoiding ever being friends with women if you are a woman may be a sign of something imbalanced but there are a lot of women that feel like they cant relate to other women or that they can't feel safe with other women.

I think she has had bad relationships with women. I think women need other women friends to be healthy. But with some women, it's not possible because of their issues.

Gay men make good friends to women, since there's not the possible sexual attraction becoming an issue. I guess that's an aside here, though.

How do you know this woman is standoffish to you only because you are a woman and she only has male friends? What makes you think there is such a thing as balance and that people are supposed to have friends of both genders? I’m not trying to be argumentative, just posing the question.

Maybe a hetero woman only has male platonic friends. I think that is off and am not sure why that would be.

Personally I’ve had a mixture of friends and boyfriends before I married. I had a gay male close friend, I had/have female friends, I’ve had straight males that I tried to be just friends with, but they all tried to make it romantic. I’ve had straight males that I tried to make it romantic with, who only liked me as a friend too.

I say each to their own. There's no formula or one-size-fits-all approach to Life. Balance means something different to each individual. As does love and peace, success, or happiness. I cannot determine what balance means for others just as they cannot determine that for me. We each find our own balance in life. If someone wants only male friends, that's their right and we should respect their boundaries. If someone wants only female friends, same. Or any combination of the two. I also think it's a good idea not to make assumptions or attempt to psychoanalyze women who prefer male friends. Sounds like Romantic Rose and I each click better with male friends but we are also unique women with our own ideas, experiences, and preferences. I know some women who would never go out alone. I go out alone to the theater or for dinner etc on a regular basis. Some women aren't comfortable on a eve out without their partner or two or three female friends next to them. That is different from how I live but different doesn't equal wrong.

As far as Ennie's situation goes (without having more info) some people accept us and some don't and that's okay. If there's a professional situation with the person, then there are strategies to work around the disconnect and maintain a civil work rapport. If she's not a colleague and purely someone from a social situation, I would just leave her be and inwardly wish her peace. Perhaps she doesn't want a female friend or perhaps it's an unknown factor. I'm not sure that matters but Ennie, feel free to jump in with more particulars if you'd like to.

In society, what I see is a more open view of a man's role and preferences in life. Women often have reductive and unrealistic limitations imposed on them. As a woman myself, I make it a point to support women who have all sorts of different preferences in their lives....without explanation or justification.

Wouldn't it be a very dull world if every woman in it made exactly the same choices in LIfe?

I don’t think gender matters. I don’t see any need to distinguish between men or women or transgendered etc when looking for friends. Who cares if people are men or women?

If people avoid certain gender, I’d say it says something about them rather than people they avoid. I am very selective who I am friends with but I don’t feel fear of women lol (or men)

Yes there are women who are uncomfortable around other women. They often feel inadequate and are afraid of being judged, need others women approval and feel insecure around other women. Some feel unsafe around successful strong career oriented women or insecure around happily married women etc etc

I encourage women to work on their sense of security and self esteem. I think when you are confident about your own place in the world, you aren’t going to feel judged and you won’t have hard time communicating with others regardless of their gender .

So if this particular person avoids other women she maybe has some issues with self esteem and is feeling insecure. I’d say if you care to help her you could but you could not force it.

I have another thought for you Ennie.

I have a female friend who I love very much. We have known each other for years. She has an abusive spouse and confided to me about his behavior more than once. For a while, she separated from him. During that time, she and I spent a lot of time together. However, after time, she went back to her husband. Now I rarely see her because he is very controlling and does not like her to go out without him. I am not comfortable spending time with him (she knows and understands that) because I know how much he hurts my friend and I am also not comfortable with his dark energy around me.

So she and I maintain communication and always wish each other well but we are not able to have the close contact that we used to enjoy. It is a shame because she's a wonderful person and I love her very much. But I must respect her choices and boundaries. I mention that example here to demonstrate how we often don't know what's going on with other people or why they choose what they choose. My friend's family thinks her husband is a nice guy. He's nice to them and she does not confide in them about the abuse (sexual and psychological).

I don't know if that helps you? Just an example of the complexities that can arise in friendships. Peace