Home Menu

Menu



advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
Anonymous44076
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Question May 17, 2019 at 11:28 AM
  #1
I heard the following story and wonder what other women think about it...

A woman had a new job and one of her female colleagues repeatedly referred to her as "Skinny" and "Toothpick." She grew frustrated and began referring to said colleague as "Chunky." The other women on the team learned of this and were furious with her for calling a woman "chunky" and they emphasized that calling someone "skinny" is a compliment.

Here's my response to this:
particularly at work, it is best not to comment on anyone's body type in any way. I don't think "toothpick" is any less offensive than "chunky." To me, those are both pejoratives, drawing negative attention to a person's body type. I doubt that the woman using the term "skinny" or "toothpick" had good intentions, I think she was likely demonstrating her own bias or discomfort about a body that was different from hers. That said, it was equally not okay for the woman to retaliate with "chunky." Two wrongs don't make a right.

This story may sound inane or ridiculously juvenile but I have worked in more than one place with adult women who interact in this manner.

Thoughts? Do you comment on other women's (or men's) bodies or avoid it entirely? Do you perceive "skinny" as a compliment and "chunky" as an insult?

I worked with a colleague who was referred to as "thick" by another colleague. That colleague did actually mean it as a compliment....in her culture "thick" is a desirable quality in a female body. She was embarrassed to have hurt my other colleague and explained and apologized. She seemed genuine. Perhaps still problematic to comment on a person's body at all? Even with kind intentions?

On a lighter note, I once worked with a woman who looked me up and down one day and said "Oh honey! The things I would do with a body like yours!" She was a very kind and supportive woman and I just chuckled in response. But a comment like that could still go awry in the workplace, right? She also said this to me in front of a large group of other colleagues.....eeeek!

I think the main issue here is perhaps that we all need to stop comparing and judging and labeling each other's bodies. Do you agree or is that too restrictive? Does that mean nobody can get a nice compliment on their body anymore? I am curious about this.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote

advertisement
Goforward
Member
 
Member Since Jan 2019
Location: CA
Posts: 273
5
838 hugs
given
Default May 17, 2019 at 12:43 PM
  #2
Personally one's body type is their business and no one else's. If one is compelled to say something try to be charitable. To a certain extent we inherent our frame. For instance skinny and heavy are pejorative. Better to say thin and big. Just my view.
Goforward is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
romantic rose
Member
 
Member Since Jul 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 220
6
55 hugs
given
Default May 17, 2019 at 03:17 PM
  #3
Once again I am reminded how *****y women can be, it's a shallow world. I don't comment on others' appearance, and would be a hypocrite to do so, I hardly have a good looking body. But is disrespectful anyway.. and shallow. The lady who called the other woman 'skinny' was probably just jealous.

Society teaches women to judge each other by our appearance, but we should be ignoring what society wants us to do. Both women were showing their ugly side by talking in the way they did. Who they were as people was not very attractive.. and this might sound like a cliché but that is what counts.
romantic rose is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AspiringAuthor
Veteran Member
 
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Mountain View
Posts: 629
7
374 hugs
given
Default May 20, 2019 at 11:17 PM
  #4
I would say that "toothpick" is in-between condescending and pejorative, much like "rail-thin". "Skinny" is definitely not pejorative - there is even a cut of jeans that is called "skinny". "Skinny" is rather neutral. It is not a compliment but neither is it pejorative. "Svelte" would be a compliment.

The skinny woman who reciprocated with "chunky" chose her language carefully - "chunky" is neither pejorative not a compliment ("curvy" would be a compliment"). However, we live in a lopsided world where skinny is better than chunky, hence you would call the reciprocation retaliation.

Most people these days would know to refrain from mentioning the bodies of others in the workplace.

__________________
Bipolar I w/Psychotic features

Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg
Gabapentin 1200 mg
Melatonin 10 mg
Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past)


past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin, Topamax
AspiringAuthor is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Anonymous44076
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default May 20, 2019 at 11:39 PM
  #5
Quote:
Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor View Post
I would say that "toothpick" is in-between condescending and pejorative, much like "rail-thin". "Skinny" is definitely not pejorative - there is even a cut of jeans that is called "skinny". "Skinny" is rather neutral. It is not a compliment but neither is it pejorative. "Svelte" would be a compliment.

The skinny woman who reciprocated with "chunky" chose her language carefully - "chunky" is neither pejorative not a compliment ("curvy" would be a compliment"). However, we live in a lopsided world where skinny is better than chunky, hence you would call the reciprocation retaliation.

Most people these days would know to refrain from mentioning the bodies of others in the workplace.
While I respect your truth and viewpoint Aspiring Author, I cannot agree with your last point. Every workplace I've had, there were women commenting on each other's bodies, hair, clothes etc. It's actually commonplace. That's why I created the thread.
  Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
AspiringAuthor
Veteran Member
 
Member Since Oct 2017
Location: Mountain View
Posts: 629
7
374 hugs
given
Default May 21, 2019 at 12:07 AM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverTrees View Post
While I respect your truth and viewpoint Aspiring Author, I cannot agree with your last point. Every workplace I've had, there were women commenting on each other's bodies, hair, clothes etc. It's actually commonplace. That's why I created the thread.
So true. I am in NoCal and work in high tech, so what I am seeing around me is definitely not true of the country at large.

__________________
Bipolar I w/Psychotic features

Zyprexa Zydis 5 mg
Gabapentin 1200 mg
Melatonin 10 mg
Levoxyl 75 mcg (because I took Lithium in the past)


past medications: Depakote, Lamictal, Lithium, Seroquel, Trazodone, Risperdal, Cogentin, Remerol, Prozac, Amitriptyline, Ambien, Lorazepam, Klonopin, Saphris, Trileptal, Clozapine and Clozapine+Wellbutrin, Topamax
AspiringAuthor is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
Reply
attentionThis is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:18 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.