I heard the following story and wonder what other women think about it...

A woman had a new job and one of her female colleagues repeatedly referred to her as "Skinny" and "Toothpick." She grew frustrated and began referring to said colleague as "Chunky." The other women on the team learned of this and were furious with her for calling a woman "chunky" and they emphasized that calling someone "skinny" is a compliment.

Here's my response to this:
particularly at work, it is best not to comment on anyone's body type in any way. I don't think "toothpick" is any less offensive than "chunky." To me, those are both pejoratives, drawing negative attention to a person's body type. I doubt that the woman using the term "skinny" or "toothpick" had good intentions, I think she was likely demonstrating her own bias or discomfort about a body that was different from hers. That said, it was equally not okay for the woman to retaliate with "chunky." Two wrongs don't make a right.

This story may sound inane or ridiculously juvenile but I have worked in more than one place with adult women who interact in this manner.

Thoughts? Do you comment on other women's (or men's) bodies or avoid it entirely? Do you perceive "skinny" as a compliment and "chunky" as an insult?

I worked with a colleague who was referred to as "thick" by another colleague. That colleague did actually mean it as a compliment....in her culture "thick" is a desirable quality in a female body. She was embarrassed to have hurt my other colleague and explained and apologized. She seemed genuine. Perhaps still problematic to comment on a person's body at all? Even with kind intentions?

On a lighter note, I once worked with a woman who looked me up and down one day and said "Oh honey! The things I would do with a body like yours!" She was a very kind and supportive woman and I just chuckled in response. But a comment like that could still go awry in the workplace, right? She also said this to me in front of a large group of other colleagues.....eeeek!

I think the main issue here is perhaps that we all need to stop comparing and judging and labeling each other's bodies. Do you agree or is that too restrictive? Does that mean nobody can get a nice compliment on their body anymore? I am curious about this.

[Goforward]

Personally one's body type is their business and no one else's. If one is compelled to say something try to be charitable. To a certain extent we inherent our frame. For instance skinny and heavy are pejorative. Better to say thin and big. Just my view.

[romantic rose]

Once again I am reminded how *****y women can be, it's a shallow world. I don't comment on others' appearance, and would be a hypocrite to do so, I hardly have a good looking body. But is disrespectful anyway.. and shallow. The lady who called the other woman 'skinny' was probably just jealous.

Society teaches women to judge each other by our appearance, but we should be ignoring what society wants us to do. Both women were showing their ugly side by talking in the way they did. Who they were as people was not very attractive.. and this might sound like a cliché but that is what counts.

[AspiringAuthor]

I would say that "toothpick" is in-between condescending and pejorative, much like "rail-thin". "Skinny" is definitely not pejorative - there is even a cut of jeans that is called "skinny". "Skinny" is rather neutral. It is not a compliment but neither is it pejorative. "Svelte" would be a compliment.

The skinny woman who reciprocated with "chunky" chose her language carefully - "chunky" is neither pejorative not a compliment ("curvy" would be a compliment"). However, we live in a lopsided world where skinny is better than chunky, hence you would call the reciprocation retaliation.

Most people these days would know to refrain from mentioning the bodies of others in the workplace.

Originally Posted by AspiringAuthor

I would say that "toothpick" is in-between condescending and pejorative, much like "rail-thin". "Skinny" is definitely not pejorative - there is even a cut of jeans that is called "skinny". "Skinny" is rather neutral. It is not a compliment but neither is it pejorative. "Svelte" would be a compliment.

The skinny woman who reciprocated with "chunky" chose her language carefully - "chunky" is neither pejorative not a compliment ("curvy" would be a compliment"). However, we live in a lopsided world where skinny is better than chunky, hence you would call the reciprocation retaliation.

Most people these days would know to refrain from mentioning the bodies of others in the workplace.

While I respect your truth and viewpoint Aspiring Author, I cannot agree with your last point. Every workplace I've had, there were women commenting on each other's bodies, hair, clothes etc. It's actually commonplace. That's why I created the thread.

[AspiringAuthor]

Originally Posted by SilverTrees

While I respect your truth and viewpoint Aspiring Author, I cannot agree with your last point. Every workplace I've had, there were women commenting on each other's bodies, hair, clothes etc. It's actually commonplace. That's why I created the thread.

So true. I am in NoCal and work in high tech, so what I am seeing around me is definitely not true of the country at large.