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rukspc
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Default Mar 30, 2021 at 06:35 PM
  #1
I'm a 31 y.o.female. I'm a teacher. And my bf and I have been together for almost 4 years. Recently, I missed my cycle so I am going to get a pregnancy test.

My worry is that if it comes back positive, colleagues at work would be judgemental. Most teachers are married and would secretly judge because I didn't plan. My partner and I are planning to get married this year, but I still have this gnawing feeling that having a baby out of wedlock is shameful (even though millions of people go through it every day).

My mother actually keeps wondering when we'll have a baby, but I always thought I'd be married first.

My bf is actually not bothered and says he's excited if we are. He says, "So, what? Things happen."

What do you think?

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Default Mar 30, 2021 at 07:28 PM
  #2
When your baby is all grown up, they will remember their childhood and all the great life moments you give them. They won't care about the legalities of your marriage. They will probably forget your anniversary, but they won't forget Mother's Day. Early Congratulations to both you and your partner on your wedding ceremony and baby on the way.

Last edited by isotrope010; Mar 30, 2021 at 07:44 PM..
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Default Mar 30, 2021 at 07:57 PM
  #3
My daughter had two children with her boyfriend the only problem was what to call the boyfriend. She’s 35 so in your cohort. Nobody thought anything about it. They got married last year and their kids were in the wedding. Nothing at all shameful about it.

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Default Mar 31, 2021 at 04:02 AM
  #4
It's pretty common these days. But I'd be concerned if your boyfriend decided to leave you before the baby was born or soon after. And I think a child needs a daddy who is there for it. Together for 4 years? Why aren't you married by now?

And who would look after the baby? Do you have a strong support network?
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Default Mar 31, 2021 at 04:36 PM
  #5
There is no right or wrong way to do it. I think it’s very individual and subjective. If it doesn’t bother you, then who cares about coworkers? Like how important are they? I don’t think it matters at all. What matters is if you are ok with it. Are you ok not being married?
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Default Apr 04, 2021 at 09:20 PM
  #6
Well I had both my children in wedlock but my marriages ended in divorce. Now my preference is married and pregnant but even that's not perfect.

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Default Apr 04, 2021 at 10:13 PM
  #7
Well if you’re pregnant you can either abort the baby or get married, sounds like your partner doesn’t care about marriage. I assume you live together as you didn’t mention the logistics of that. I don’t see a difference between living together outside of marriage and procreating outside of marriage.

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Default Apr 06, 2021 at 10:25 PM
  #8
People still get married?

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