Metapausal

I'm having hot flashes. I honestly never thought it would happen. At least not for years, but it is happening. Kind of excited.

I'm afraid of menopause, too. I don't know if I'm perimenopausal or not. I can't imagine the full blown thing though.

I know all women go through it, but for some reason I get super scared. If I'm struggling with my emotions now, will my hormones turn me into a monster then? That's just one of the looming questions in my head, aside from wondering if I will grow facial hair or suddenly get a beard. (No offense to anyone who meets this description for whatever reason, but it's just a fear I have.) I worry that I'll be more prone to heart attacks, that there is something funky with certain hormones that some women say to avoid (which I can never remember), and that I'll wind up being arrested for having some menopause-meets-dissociation moments.

Why we were made this way angers me. It's not fair the way it's described in certain spiritual contexts, and it's not fair that we go through so much as it is in life.

I have a really hard time being in a woman's body. I'm miserable. I've had endometriosis, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, some uterine disorder, some other funky things going on, post-birth stuff, stress incontinence, fluctuating hormones, zits, scars from zits, painful cystic acne, painful periods, heavy bleeds, bleeding through and staining my pants at times, ruining sheets, and more. I've had many of these issues, and with the abnormal periods that perimenopause and menopause might bring about, as well as hot flashes and other things going on with our bodies, it makes me feel like my body is attacking itself. It's like it hates being a woman, too.

Of course, I'm tired, triggered, and sleep-deprived right now, so I'm not really responding in a supportive manner. I'm sorry for that. I'm kind of agreeing with the rant-style response to this menopause business. And why does the word "men" have to be in that stupid word?

I like "metapause" better because it is "meta" - as in the ultimate female experience to end the female experience or something. I think it should be renamed to this.

@Aviza - I'm glad that you're excited. Sorry about my rant above, but I thought maybe you are open for a dialogue about menopause (or metapause, if that's a different term or alternative term to mean the same thing??)

Yeah well I only had two hot flashes and having a heavy period right now. So maybe I'm wrong but I thought being super hot was a sign.

Could it be that you're perimenopausal? (It's the transition between period phase to menopause phase.)

Hey @SprinkL3 and @Aviza- I started having symptoms when I turned 40. Of course I had blood work turn out normal hormone wise and my MALE doctor poo-pooed it as me being to young and sort of letting me wing it. I had other health issues going on as well. I went make to this doctor and he said I needed to have a uterine biopsy to r/o cancer and other reproductive issues. SO painful done right then and there and awful cramping. Well he said that was normal too. No elevated hormomes.
So I suffered. I say suffer because I do. Beyond hot flashes. Its like my body doesnt work right. I have zits like a teenager, sexual issues, and all the normal symptoms. I have always had insomnia issues but sleep trained myself and had it managed for 10 years. Well the insomnia has been off the hook. That and menopause brain. So I found a female gyn- midwife. Same deal, blood work and ANOTHER BIOPSY!! Well that biopsy helped affirm what I was going through but it was invasive and painful. I joined a support group (actually more informational) on facebook and have learned so much. Do you know there is no "requirement" for a certain level of hormones in blood, urine or tissue to 'confirm' menopause. That is old school thinking. Actual current science that isnt a 100 years old supports taking women at their word and worrying about the labs later. Help the symptoms. So I am trying one of those fem rings that goes in you know where for 90 days at a time. It has low dose estrogen and to protect myself from the cancer risk she has me taken oral progesterone as well. I cant tell if its doing something drastic but some symptoms are lessoning. I will be considering something topical as well. 'menopause' is supposed to be the name of the condition once your period has stopped for a full year as in "i completed menopause"
. Perimenopause is all the crap and skipped periods or double periods that you deal with for years and years. I disagree with that take. I think its been a year with no periods for me and I have been having the same exact symptoms for three years. I do not think I have completed menopause.

THANK YOU! This would totally make sense for me and my crazy symptoms that worsened drastically (weight gain >50 pounds in 2 months, acne all over, more moody than usual, worsening mental health symptoms, brain fog, fatigue worsening than it already was from 1996 on forward, increase of gray hair, increase of body hair, drastic increase in appetite about 5 years after onset of other symptoms, etc.). I believe I entered perimenopause around the age of maybe 41 or 42. I'm 47 now. My menses have been a little off, and their cycle is no longer 28 days; I'm now on a 24- to 26-day cycle with lighter flows that last only 5 days instead of 6. My BP has increased, my heart palpitations are off the hook every single night since my early 40s, my eyesight has blurred and drastically changed, and my life has slowed to a crawl. I used to get hot flashes around 2015 to about 2018, and then they kind of went away. My doctors were of no help to me. I don't know what to do, and I feel that us non-rich folk have to jump through hoops just to get a fraction of the care that the rich do. I'm sure that the rich would be diagnosed right away with all the tests that non-rich folk on insurance plans can't get. At least that's my take on all this.

Know this sounds like a cliche, but every woman is different.

My mother and aunt both had difficult lives around periods, both eventually had hysterectomies so I was dreading reaching that part of my life. Am not bragging in any way, but after a few heavy periods, everything stopped. Had a couple of uterine polyps but nothing serious.

Yes, my sleep pattern has changed. My hair is thinner. Trying hard to follow a nutritional diet. Losing weight has always been difficult. Don't mention the facial hair!

As for sex. Would love a passionate night (or two!) because, how can I put this, the desire is greater than before. A couple of "purchases" have helped but there's nothing like human contact!

I totally agree with your statement about every woman being different. The heterogeneity of menopause, including the time leading up to it (perimenopause), exists! I wished that there were more options for treatments and management of this - especially with comorbid issues that affect hormones, such as having certain mental illnesses, having certain reproductive disorders, and having thyroid issues.

I wished there were more meta analyses being done on this.

I am shocked and surprised because none, not a single one, of my mental health providers have mentioned that it is possible some of my mental health symptoms may be due to menopause. It's like the BIG THING no one wants to mention.

I have been having fluctuations lately. No med change but psych is seeing me more regularly.

I am shocked, too!

I tried to inquire about this, thyroid conditions, and midlife crises altogether affecting mood, the psychologists tend to take the individual responsibility stance by looking into why we have an external loci of both control and responsibility, or by separating medical from psychological in such cases - believing that our medical issues as we age are "normative," and thus expected, so therefore they don't need to be screened and treated to alleviate symptoms - that that's what psychiatrists and primary care physicians and OBGYN's are for. It's like ignoring situations that psychotherapy could benefit if they would widen their philosophies a bit and understand holistic issues, person-centered approaches, eclectic methods, a team-approach to mental health care (such as combining the interactions between physical symptoms - not to be confused with somatoform or fictitious disorders - and psychological symptoms).

For example, when I met with Dr. David Spiegel at Stanford, I (along with some very brilliant high schoolers - our future leaders in psychological and behavioral sciences) had learned that cancer patients could be treated with self-hypnosis, in much the same ways that some former smokers can be treated with self-hypnosis as well. Self-hypnosis is a form of adaptive dissociation. It's also the way special ops in the military are trained to withstand pain when they are being tortured. This is not to be confused with the dissociative disorders, which is more automatic (yet manageable), but it has more to do with how we can use what our bodies and minds have access to when we sense pain or danger.

If Dr. Spiegel can arrive at psychological methods for physiological illnesses, so, too, can there be evidence-based practices for women experiencing perimenopause, menopause, and/or other reproductive issues. Additionally, there can be solutions for men and women dealing with midlife crises, other aging changes, and even male-based issues such as prostate pain, back pain, etc.

Dr. Spiegel also discussed mindfulness meditation and some other things I can't remember. He is one of many scientists looking into this very thing.

THE CAVEAT: However, psychological and behavioral sciences depend on funding - largely from the government, including the NIH. When funding isn't available through the government, then it has to come from private donors (as long as it remains ethical and without strings attached, such as from philanthropists - I'm thinking of that donor spoken about in "Mountains Beyond Mountains" concerning Dr. Paul Farmer's now popular Partners in Health institution). But in today's pandemic world, there are fewer resources than ever because of our changing governments, our increasing deaths, our crippling economies, and our increasing disabled persons unable to work and therefore unable to help fund through taxpayer dollars that which helps science advance in areas like mental health promotion, mental health for physiological disorders, etc.

No period for 2 months, period was due yesterday. Best friend says to call ob/gyn to verify. I might tomorrow. But I had a lot of signs.

Right now losing clumps of hair. A year ago had a gain of 14 lbs really fast like in two weeks. really gained 30 lbs super fast.

And the hot flashes. Well I have mixed feelings now that's it's really happening. Like things are so final. I just turned 48. Birthday was last Friday.