Can men be trusted?

Jul 23, 2022, 03:10 PM

I have learned that when it comes to relationships, men cannot be trusted to not cheat and/or abuse.

Mum's first husband, for example - my dad: at the same time as being married to Mum, he kept getting girlfriends and

Possible trigger:

having sex

with them, then after Mum divorced him he started fathering more kids, not financially supporting any of the kids he fathered

Mum's second husband: used to yell and hit, often without a valid reason

My relationships: i've always been cheated on and in one case, he used to hit furniture and stuff, simply to frighten me and the cat i had at the time

am i right in having learned this lesson? men only want to hurt their partners?

this is why after the last ex of mine, i have never allowed another man in and i honestly dont think i ever will just in case i get hurt

divine1966 · Jul 23, 2022, 07:08 PM

There are ton of women abusers so I don’t think it’s necessarily only men. If you are attracted to a particular kind of men then sure it feels every man is that way. Not the case at all.

It’s not always easy to recognize red flags. But if you go for certain kind of guys, it’s because we gravitate towards familiar even if it’s unhealthy. If you grew up surrounded by drama and abuse, you subconsciously gravitate towards that in your relationships

Have you tried therapy? Good therapist can really help

MaverickLovesYou · Jul 23, 2022, 08:33 PM

Yes some men can be trusted. Sorry for your experiences

Travelinglady · Jul 24, 2022, 09:29 PM

Yes, as Maverick says, some can. I'm sorry your experience has been with such men who can't be trusted.

Aviza · Jul 28, 2022, 07:25 PM

My dad was a wonderful man. He never once hit my mom and loved her very much even though she once hit him. He took her arms and held them so she couldn't hit him again. That was the most volatile moment I saw.

I haven't had good relationships. I'm not done trying though cause I know good guys exist they are a rare jewel but they are out there. I now am aware of red flags in my youth I ignored I no longer do that.

Discombobulated · Jul 31, 2022, 12:13 PM

Sorry you grew up with such an experience Willowtigger, and that you’ve experienced adult relationships which were not healthy too.

I do think there are many men who are capable of healthy respectful loving relationships, I know many but that’s probably not helpful to hear if you haven’t met them yourself -they are out there.

Do you talk this over with a therapist? They might have some insight into spotting red flags with potential partners.

NatalieJastrow · Aug 07, 2022, 04:04 PM

They cannot be. If they aren't cheating it is probably because they don't have the opportunity.

Aug 07, 2022, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Sorry you grew up with such an experience Willowtigger, and that you’ve experienced adult relationships which were not healthy too.

I do think there are many men who are capable of healthy respectful loving relationships, I know many but that’s probably not helpful to hear if you haven’t met them yourself -they are out there.

Do you talk this over with a therapist? They might have some insight into spotting red flags with potential partners.

i dont have a therapist, every time i ask for help i get shunted between learning disabilities help and mental health help cause nobody wanted to know when i was trying

so i stopped trying in the end

04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NatalieJastrow

They cannot be. If they aren't cheating it is probably because they don't have the opportunity.

sounds familiar, it seems they think with what they have between their legs, not their brain

Fuzzybear · Oct 31, 2022, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

i dont have a therapist, every time i ask for help i get shunted between learning disabilities help and mental health help cause nobody wanted to know when i was trying

so i stopped trying in the end

That sucks.

I agree with the poster who mentioned that there are a lot of women abusers also. It can take time to learn to spot red flags especially if the ''services'' do not wish to be of service.

Hugs

ArtleyWilkins · Nov 03, 2022, 11:31 PM

I grew up with a father who was absolutely trustworthy and devoted to my mother for 65 years. I grew up knowing what an honorable man is. I was with my own husband for 35 years before he passed. He was absolutely trustworthy and dedicated to our relationship.

Whether a person can be trusted or not has nothing to do with their gender. A person’s character determines their trustworthiness.

Nov 17, 2022, 02:47 PM

all men will ever do to a willowtigger is hit her

cause its all she deserves

ilive4music · Jan 09, 2023, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by willowtigger

I have learned that when it comes to relationships, men cannot be trusted to not cheat and/or abuse.

Mum's first husband, for example - my dad: at the same time as being married to Mum, he kept getting girlfriends and

Possible trigger:

having sex

with them, then after Mum divorced him he started fathering more kids, not financially supporting any of the kids he fathered

Mum's second husband: used to yell and hit, often without a valid reason

My relationships: i've always been cheated on and in one case, he used to hit furniture and stuff, simply to frighten me and the cat i had at the time

am i right in having learned this lesson? men only want to hurt their partners?

this is why after the last ex of mine, i have never allowed another man in and i honestly dont think i ever will just in case i get hurt

I think it depends on the person, not so much the gender. There are good men out there and good women too but there are also people in both genders who will abuse you and use you in any opportunity they get..

It's a matter of taking a risk to trust the person. I can understand how you feel because most of my relationships with men were me getting hurt in the end, so I don't want to allow anyone in my life again either. Then again who knows what might come along my way? I might meet someone who is a great person , and I'll have to take that risk or just stay single forever.

Blueowl · May 05, 2023, 10:08 PM

Yes. Some men are good people. Others are not so great. So are women. I would say that untrustworthiness is a human problem, not based on sex. But there are those of us who have good intentions, others take advantage of us, and then we feel used or hurt because we were expecting they would be more like us.

Blueowl · May 05, 2023, 10:14 PM

I knew a great guy whose first wife left him while he was gone in a business trip and he still supported her financially hoping she would come back. He asked me out but I didn’t like him like that - friendzoned. He remarried and after two healthy boys, his second wife had an affair with someone next door. He was so good, loving, and giving. I hope he is happy now. He just had terrible luck with partners. It was not like when he married he did it irrationally or out of desperation or loneliness. His ex-wives seemed very normal. I never picked up on red flags in his choices. You never know how your choices may turn up..

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