advertisement
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
willowtigger
Tigger and Willow meowmy
 
willowtigger's Avatar
willowtigger "yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't speak to you, still i see your face and wonder, were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
 
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 2,463 (SuperPoster!)
2,179 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jul 23, 2022 at 03:10 PM
  #1
 
I have learned that when it comes to relationships, men cannot be trusted to not cheat and/or abuse.

Mum's first husband, for example - my dad: at the same time as being married to Mum, he kept getting girlfriends and
Possible trigger:
with them, then after Mum divorced him he started fathering more kids, not financially supporting any of the kids he fathered

Mum's second husband: used to yell and hit, often without a valid reason

My relationships: i've always been cheated on and in one case, he used to hit furniture and stuff, simply to frighten me and the cat i had at the time

am i right in having learned this lesson? men only want to hurt their partners?

this is why after the last ex of mine, i have never allowed another man in and i honestly dont think i ever will just in case i get hurt

__________________
"true courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit
"There are some days, dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for something better Is the one thing we all share" Someday - Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high
The future will not remember, the past does not forget
Please don't put me on ignore list thanks
willowtigger is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, MaverickLovesYou, nonightowl

advertisement
divine1966
Legendary Wise Elder
 
divine1966's Avatar
divine1966 Tired!!!
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 20,423 (SuperPoster!)
8 yr Member
1,166 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jul 23, 2022 at 07:08 PM
  #2
 
There are ton of women abusers so I donít think itís necessarily only men. If you are attracted to a particular kind of men then sure it feels every man is that way. Not the case at all.

Itís not always easy to recognize red flags. But if you go for certain kind of guys, itís because we gravitate towards familiar even if itís unhealthy. If you grew up surrounded by drama and abuse, you subconsciously gravitate towards that in your relationships

Have you tried therapy? Good therapist can really help
divine1966 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Breaking Dawn, willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear
MaverickLovesYou
Member
 
MaverickLovesYou's Avatar
MaverickLovesYou Staying positive
 
Member Since: Feb 2020
Location: NYC, USA (grew up in Brooklyn)
Posts: 162
2 yr Member
240 hugs
given
Old Jul 23, 2022 at 08:33 PM
  #3
 
Yes some men can be trusted. Sorry for your experiences
MaverickLovesYou is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
*Beth*, Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, Travelinglady, willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
*Beth*, Travelinglady
Travelinglady
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Travelinglady's Avatar
Travelinglady is preparing for another trip.
 
Member Since: Sep 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 45,693 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
22.8k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jul 24, 2022 at 09:29 PM
  #4
 
Yes, as Maverick says, some can. I'm sorry your experience has been with such men who can't be trusted.
Travelinglady is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, MaverickLovesYou, willowtigger
Aviza
Magnate
 
Aviza's Avatar
Aviza Calm
 
Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,364
10 yr Member
81 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jul 28, 2022 at 07:25 PM
  #5
 
My dad was a wonderful man. He never once hit my mom and loved her very much even though she once hit him. He took her arms and held them so she couldn't hit him again. That was the most volatile moment I saw.

I haven't had good relationships. I'm not done trying though cause I know good guys exist they are a rare jewel but they are out there. I now am aware of red flags in my youth I ignored I no longer do that.

__________________
Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P.
Daughter: 20
Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs.
Aviza is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, willowtigger
Discombobulated
Grand Magnate
 
Discombobulated's Avatar
Discombobulated has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,412 (SuperPoster!)
3 yr Member
8,531 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Jul 31, 2022 at 12:13 PM
  #6
 
Sorry you grew up with such an experience Willowtigger, and that youíve experienced adult relationships which were not healthy too.

I do think there are many men who are capable of healthy respectful loving relationships, I know many but thatís probably not helpful to hear if you havenít met them yourself -they are out there.

Do you talk this over with a therapist? They might have some insight into spotting red flags with potential partners.
Discombobulated is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Fuzzybear, willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear, willowtigger
NatalieJastrow
Member
NatalieJastrow has no updates.
 
Member Since: Aug 2020
Location: LA
Posts: 408
2 yr Member
201 hugs
given
Old Aug 07, 2022 at 04:04 PM
  #7
 
They cannot be. If they aren't cheating it is probably because they don't have the opportunity.
NatalieJastrow is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
willowtigger
willowtigger
Tigger and Willow meowmy
 
willowtigger's Avatar
willowtigger "yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't speak to you, still i see your face and wonder, were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
 
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 2,463 (SuperPoster!)
2,179 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Aug 07, 2022 at 04:09 PM
  #8
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated View Post
Sorry you grew up with such an experience Willowtigger, and that youíve experienced adult relationships which were not healthy too.

I do think there are many men who are capable of healthy respectful loving relationships, I know many but thatís probably not helpful to hear if you havenít met them yourself -they are out there.

Do you talk this over with a therapist? They might have some insight into spotting red flags with potential partners.
i dont have a therapist, every time i ask for help i get shunted between learning disabilities help and mental health help cause nobody wanted to know when i was trying

so i stopped trying in the end

__________________
"true courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit
"There are some days, dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for something better Is the one thing we all share" Someday - Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high
The future will not remember, the past does not forget
Please don't put me on ignore list thanks
willowtigger is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear
willowtigger
Tigger and Willow meowmy
 
willowtigger's Avatar
willowtigger "yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't speak to you, still i see your face and wonder, were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
 
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 2,463 (SuperPoster!)
2,179 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Aug 07, 2022 at 04:11 PM
  #9
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NatalieJastrow View Post
They cannot be. If they aren't cheating it is probably because they don't have the opportunity.
sounds familiar, it seems they think with what they have between their legs, not their brain

__________________
"true courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit
"There are some days, dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for something better Is the one thing we all share" Someday - Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high
The future will not remember, the past does not forget
Please don't put me on ignore list thanks

Last edited by willowtigger; Aug 07, 2022 at 04:20 PM.. Reason: rewording this
willowtigger is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
NatalieJastrow
 
Thanks for this!
NatalieJastrow
Fuzzybear
Wisest Elder Ever
 
Fuzzybear's Avatar
Fuzzybear has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 95,119 (SuperPoster!)
20 yr Member
81k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Oct 31, 2022 at 11:21 AM
  #10
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
i dont have a therapist, every time i ask for help i get shunted between learning disabilities help and mental health help cause nobody wanted to know when i was trying

so i stopped trying in the end
That sucks.

I agree with the poster who mentioned that there are a lot of women abusers also. It can take time to learn to spot red flags especially if the ''services'' do not wish to be of service.

Hugs

__________________
Fuzzybear is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Discombobulated, willowtigger
ArtleyWilkins
Magnate
ArtleyWilkins has no updates.
 
Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: USA
Posts: 2,651
3 yr Member
7 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Nov 03, 2022 at 11:31 PM
  #11
 
I grew up with a father who was absolutely trustworthy and devoted to my mother for 65 years. I grew up knowing what an honorable man is. I was with my own husband for 35 years before he passed. He was absolutely trustworthy and dedicated to our relationship.

Whether a person can be trusted or not has nothing to do with their gender. A personís character determines their trustworthiness.
ArtleyWilkins is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Thanks for this!
Discombobulated, ilive4music, willowtigger
willowtigger
Tigger and Willow meowmy
 
willowtigger's Avatar
willowtigger "yes i know i'm just an outcast, i shouldn't speak to you, still i see your face and wonder, were you once an outcast too"Esmerelda, HOND
 
Member Since: Mar 2022
Location: UK
Posts: 2,463 (SuperPoster!)
2,179 hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Old Nov 17, 2022 at 02:47 PM
  #12
 
all men will ever do to a willowtigger is hit her

cause its all she deserves

__________________
"true courage is about knowing not when to take a life but when to spare one" Gandalf - The Hobbit
"There are some days, dark and bitter Seems we haven't got a prayer But a prayer for something better Is the one thing we all share" Someday - Disney Hunchback of Notre Dame
"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" for my angel girl flying high
The future will not remember, the past does not forget
Please don't put me on ignore list thanks
willowtigger is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
ilive4music
Member
 
ilive4music's Avatar
ilive4music has no updates.
 
Member Since: Sep 2013
Location: SAD
Posts: 175
8 yr Member
53 hugs
given
Old Jan 09, 2023 at 12:48 PM
  #13
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
I have learned that when it comes to relationships, men cannot be trusted to not cheat and/or abuse.

Mum's first husband, for example - my dad: at the same time as being married to Mum, he kept getting girlfriends and
Possible trigger:
with them, then after Mum divorced him he started fathering more kids, not financially supporting any of the kids he fathered

Mum's second husband: used to yell and hit, often without a valid reason

My relationships: i've always been cheated on and in one case, he used to hit furniture and stuff, simply to frighten me and the cat i had at the time

am i right in having learned this lesson? men only want to hurt their partners?

this is why after the last ex of mine, i have never allowed another man in and i honestly dont think i ever will just in case i get hurt


I think it depends on the person, not so much the gender. There are good men out there and good women too but there are also people in both genders who will abuse you and use you in any opportunity they get..


It's a matter of taking a risk to trust the person. I can understand how you feel because most of my relationships with men were me getting hurt in the end, so I don't want to allow anyone in my life again either. Then again who knows what might come along my way? I might meet someone who is a great person , and I'll have to take that risk or just stay single forever.
ilive4music is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
willowtigger
 
Thanks for this!
willowtigger
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 10:01 PM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2023, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent community, overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.