Sex while menstruating

I don't know if this needs a trigger warning, so read at your own risk!
________________________________________________
I feel so embarrassed and ashamed for this, but I could really use some support because right now I want to punish myself by SH'ing.

I've talked some with my therapist about sex. Different things. I forget how, but I at some point must have mentioned to her that I would never have sex while on my period. The other week she mentioned that one of the reasons women (and men) like having sex while the woman's menstruating is because there's extra natural lubrication.

So...I tried using my vibrator while on my period. ...And I liked it. I told my H and asked him if he would have sex with me. He said no, he didn't want to get blood on him. I offered to masturbate him, and him masturbate me. He said to just wait until next week. Now normally he wants to be masturbated when I'm on my period, but now that I want it too, he doesn't want it at all.

I feel so gross, disgusting, and like I'm bad. I feel ashamed and embarrassed. And I'm mad (though not her fault) that my therapist normalized sex while menstruating. I don't know what I'm hoping for by posting this.

I have to wait until Tuesday to talk about this with my therapist. Normally she would allow email exchanges, but she's busy and said that this conversation deserves in-person. Which btw scares me because even though I can use the big words in writing, speaking them is a whole other thing.

My ex husband was a no way, it's too messy type so I was left with self pleasure as my only option. My Ob/Gyn had suggested sex as a menstrual cramp and headache relief option a long time ago. It helped alot, so self pleasure during my period is very normal and beneficial for me.

A man I dated after my divorce had no problem with period sex. It took one time for me to get over any anxiety I had about it. All I'll say is it was the most amazing pleasure I had ever experienced. We would plan different period sex options to reduce having to change the sheets. I apologize if anyone is embarrassed, but a plastic drop cloth on the bedroom floor complete with massage oil was a period sex personal favorite. The shower together afterwards was pretty good too.

Sex and pleasure are normal human behaviors and a woman's period is a frequent occurrence. I don't think it's gross, disgusting or bad in any way to have sex during periods. At the very least, I hope you find the words to discuss this with your therapist. I also hope it helps to know there are a few other people in the world who think it's normal and healthy.

RCL - Thank you so much for your response! It's one thing to hear it from your therapist, it's another to hear it from someone else.

I'll be honest that I really did like it. I felt more sensitive? And it was just nice being able to feel pleasure during this time. It's not fair that H always gets me to do him while I'm on my period, but I'm not allowed to do anything to pleasure me.

I am a novice when it comes to sex. I have so many questions and don't know right from wrong from weird to normal. H is the same. I didn't even feel comfortable looking at H naked for 3 years!

As far as my therapist, I emailed her telling her that I need more help. I understand she can't process this in an email, but I don't feel comfortable saying such things in-person.

Thank you again! I really do appreciate you sharing your experience. It gelps me feel a little more accepting of myself.

I don’t think it’s gross or abnormal. I think it’s just personal preference. Some men and women like it and some don’t. It’s pretty much like everything else. Not weird versus normal, but more like liking versus not liking.

I’ve read that sex during menstruation can increase risk of some type of infections. But maybe the risk is minimal or non existent so maybe it’s old wife’s tales.

I had sex during my period and I never saw the difference sensation wise. My periods were always so heavy that I was not particularly interested in anything going around there. Again just personal preference

I don't I have and it makes my period last longer so I don't anymore.

I don't really now, but I did fairly regularly with an ex from my early 20s. It didn't seem to bother him at all. I have a couple times with my husband, but I tend to feel weird about it and sort of gross, so I tend to avoid it. Or at least not do anything until the last day or two of it, when it's light. So it's more about me than him. I had an ex who wouldn't have sex during that time though.

I do often self-pleasure while on it. I'm often feeling particularly "in the mood" the first day or two of it in general, plus it helps with cramps.

I'm really sorry your H reacted the way he did and that it made you feel ashamed. I know some people are squeamish about blood--is he like that in general? I'm just wondering if maybe it's a blood thing rather than being about you or periods in particular. If it's just that he literally doesn't want to get it on him, rather than the site of it, could he maybe use a condom (if you aren't already using them)? Or could he maybe use your vibrator on you? Or, I don't know, put on a latex glove and touch you?

I hope your therapist help you through this. But please know it is normal--it just comes down to personal preference both for the woman and their partner.

As far as I know, a lot of women enjoy sexual activities more while menstruating. It might have to do with blood flow to the area and it helps with cramps. My current partner similar to your H does not want to do anything while I'm on it, but that's just personal preference, it's not that nobody does it or enjoys it. As others have suggested, maybe there's a middle way like him using toys or something? And else, I think it's perfectly fine to declare the week a "no sexual activities besides masturbating on your own" time unless you feel like offering something to him. But you already have to deal with the whole thing once a month, he can survive a week by himself.

Thank you LT and CNS!

H isn't squeamish about blood. He says he just doesn't want the mess. I told him we could lay a towel down and then he could take a shower afterwards. Still nope. I'm not going to force him on this.

I do wish he would either just do himself or help me. It's not an equal partnership in this regard.

Talking about it with my therapist yesterday was extremely helpful. She used big words and talked about the benefits: more lubrication, usually less cramps and headaches, more aroused. She was teaching me about the clitoris, and a different take on why religions say a woman is "unclean" while menstruating. She said we're going to talk more on Friday.

Scarlet,

I am not menstruating thanks to Mirena, have not had in years, but back when I did, I had sex when on my period and it was perfectly OK.

Sex, like cardio in general, is beneficial during periods because it increases blood circulation and that reduces cramps. What is especially beneficial about sex, as opposed to cardio in general, is that it increases blood circulation in the pelvic area, where it is most needed. I hope you can convey this message to your H.

Your partnership indeed does not sound equal and you seem to be, as you say, a novice with much to learn, what with not seeing your H naked for three years. I hope you are on a good path and the therapist continues being helpful.

Regarding cleanliness (his concerns about "the mess"): I know of a company called Liberator that produces sex furniture including spreads (I think made from faux leather) that protect bed sheets from lubes, allow for playing with toys. I do not know how much they cost (I do not own one), but it would be worth looking them up on the web to explore.

I hope you get to receive what you deserve.

Whatever floats your boat. Personally, sex during menstruation was not for me.

depends on the guy, some will like it, and some no..
some studies say that women feel better and enjoy it more around that time, and it also helps with cramps, but again i think it varies..

maybe ask him to try it in the shower?