(Vent) A guy is sexually harassing me and I'm tired.

A few months ago a guy who by the way I've never interacted with in my life, began telling me I had a huge ego and began calling me a "Slut" and "***** online". As of the past month he came back, returning to the same insults, accusing me of 'pegging' my female friend.

Out of an attempt to get him to stop making ALTs to harass me, I tried privately messaging him to get through his head, we had casual conversations and It genuinely seemed like a whole new and improved guy. One day we exchanged casual selfies (huge mistake), and I believe that's what has genuinely caused my life to turn for the worst! He deleted his own selfie so I immediately deleted mine, ignoring both. We spoke about him experiencing a Drug addiction and overdosing, and my experiences with mental health and physical health.

After a few days, he admits that someone who he was associated with wanted to take legal action against him. I get in contact with said woman, and find out he has threatened to Rape numerous women including minors! In utter shock, I bluntly tell him his actions are incredibly wrong. After hours of no response, he makes an ALT and insults my features of being a Female. After learning this ALT was contacting the same woman I spoke to who was associated with him, I block the account I was speaking to. He proceeds to make more accounts, using my selfies for PFPs.

He begins to start sharing my selfies with others publicly, making up rumors that I had "died"! He even threatened that he wants to see me dismembered and raped as well as trafficked.

It has gotten so bad that I have experienced non stop dissociation, panic attacks, paranoia spikes. I don't know if I can even take legal action because he lives in Russian and I live in the US. He won't stop making ALTs to harass me on various social sites and reporting doesn't work.

I just want this to stop before he drives me into suicide. I know he only does this because I am a woman. He does not see women as human beings. I wish he'd leave me alone. I don't want to die.

Do you mind explaining the acronyms you used in the post (ALT, PFP and there might have been more)? You are probably very young, grew up online and assume that everyone understands these acronyms but women who are older and grew up in analog world might not. We may be able to lend support after better understanding what has been happening to you.

Without fully understanding all the details, I can say that my first reaction was that you need to learn online safety, as it seems that you exchanged selfies with a man whom you did not know and you do not even know if he is who he claims he is - he might be a pretender, an imposter... who knows. You really exposed yourself to harm, as it seems that he then broadcast those selfies you had sent him in ways you could not have controlled or foreseen and that hurt you deeply. The same goes for the level of personal disclosure that apparently occurred. All of that endangered and exposed you.

I do not want to defend this character but do want to poi t out that you acted upon hearsay when you told this guy his actions had been wrong after you contacted that woman who wanted to take a legal action against him. You do not know whether what she said was true, and also, as a general rule, it is best to avoid getting embroiled in other people's disputes on partial, unconfirmed information, and even with
access to solid information, only get invovled if you absolutely must.

You are experiencing real and severe mental health synptoms , up to and including suicidal ideation, over something that is not real. You once called this man an account, saying you blocked an account. This is correct: it is an account and you do not know who is behind it. Or, multiple accounts.

Go back to the analog world or, if you have never lived in it, discover it. You are living inside a dangerous illusion and are suffering real harm from unreal entities. Life is too short and too precious to be wasting it like this. If you want to continue leading this 100% digital existence, however, you need to learn special skills to stop exposing and endangering yourself. I believe that nowadays, local police departments' teen outreach units and teen centers in your community may offer free classes thatvteach such skills. Maybe even your public library has offerings. It is worth exploring.

Regarding this character's spreading rumors that you have "died", this is called a death hoax. The most famous one involved Mark Twain.

"Mark Twain is one of the most famous people to be the subject of a death hoax. In his case, the newspapers were just careless. This is when he uttered his famous quote, "The report of my death was an exaggeration." It has often been misquoted as "reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated"."

This sounds like an horrendous situation that you find yourself locked into. I agree with the previous poster (Tart Cherry Jam) that stepping away from the online world should be a priority. I assume this person only knows you as an online presence, and that he has no idea of your real name and actual location? I hope this is the case, otherwise I would advise contacting the authorities and report the facts about this abuse.

Again, echoing the previous poster, the online world can be a terrible place to live out your life. It is totally fake, and I understand the irony of the fact that I am replying to you in this same online world, but hopefully a much safer part of that world.

Close your social media accounts, stop interacting with this individual. If he has your phone number, change your phone number. You will begin to feel much better in a very short space of time.

Do you have parents, friends or counsellors that you can talk to - real people? This can be so important and help put things into perspective for you.

Your life is so valuable and precious. Don’t let this destroy you. I’m not sure what support networks are available in the US. Here in the UK we have an organisation called the Samaritans, who you can call any time of the day or night and talk to a real person about the problems you are experiencing. I would imagine there are similar support lines in the US. Please think about finding ones of these support lines and call them.

Best wishes,

Regarding your wanting to take legal action against him for what you described as sexual harassment: in general, allegations of sexual harassment are treated as employment law issues. And if you think about it, your expectations of protection in the context of social networks (where you do not have to be at all) or some messaging apps or whatever the platforms and environments are where you interacted with this character should not be on par with the expectations of protection in the context of employment relationship.

Imagine that you are at work, that your livelihood depends on your employment, that you have invested time and effort in learning job skills specific to that employment (this is not necessary but I am intensifying the hypothetical), that you are the sole caregiver of an aging parent (again, not necessary but to intensify)... and somebody at work has created what is called "hostile work environment" for you. Hostile work environment is one type of sexual harassment. The other main type is quid pro quo when sexual favors are demanded in exchange for a promotion or other job-related benefit or simply to keep a job.

So as an employee, you are essentially captive on the job. You also should not have to look for another job to escape being harassed. So, for these situations, the law protects you. The law is there to help create an environment free of harassment so that you can fulfill your job duties, apply your skills, have professional relationships with the manager and coworkers, advance on the career ladder, etc., all free of harassment. The legal regime aims to assure that harassment would not interfere with your employment, earning your livelihood, and professional growth etc.

I think if you consider that you are not captive on a social network, you do not earn your livelihood on it for yourself and for the people dependent on your for sustenance and care, you will see that society has less of a duty to protect you on social networks than it does when you are on the job.

Things might be changing, but for now, a quick google search for whether there can be a claim for sexual harassment committed online returns results that state that yes, in the context of EMPLOYMENT relationships, sexual harassment can and does occur online nowadays, and unwelcome text messages, social network posts etc. are actionable. But the operative term here is EMPLOYMENT.

Here are a few quotes (omitting source but you can find them yourself by plugging the quotes into google):

"A group of coworkers can also make a blog article or a website to annoy other colleagues. Whenever a company, manager, employee, or teammate uses social media sites like Facebook or Twitter to send unpleasant remarks or texts to another coworker, this is known as virtual harassment."


"Under federal law, sexual harassment in the workplace, including online harassment, is prohibited under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964."

"The guidance states that employee conduct on social media platforms can contribute to a hostile work environment that violates Title VII."


So this is what it is for now, and maybe coming to realize that you are not protected the way you expected to be will convince you to be much more careful.