Another "what men like in a woman" sprout

I'll be honest, I would never date a guy shorter then me.

In order for attraction to begin there has to be some sort of physical correlation between the man and woman. Did you ever notice that alot of couples kind of resemble each other in a sense. They're both thin, both fat, both white, both black..whatever. It's subconscious natural mate selection thinggie majigger okay.

I don't blame men, I blame pheromones and hormones. Women LOOK just as much as men, if not more... I know damn well I do.

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youOme said:
I'll be honest, I would never date a guy shorter then me.

In order for attraction to begin there has to be some sort of physical correlation between the man and woman. Did you ever notice that alot of couples kind of resemble each other in a sense. They're both thin, both fat, both white, both black..whatever. It's subconscious natural mate selection thinggie majigger okay.

I don't blame men, I blame pheromones and hormones. Women LOOK just as much as men, if not more... I know damn well I do.

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I disagree. I think it's morally wrong to toss someone away on the basis of something they can't help, such as height or skin color or whatever, and I also disagree that couples need to look alike in order to be attracted to each other. As a matter of fact, I was watching HGTV earlier today, and I saw a bathroom being redesigned for an interracial married couple. She was blonde and white, he was bald and black. They didn't look a thing like each other. Likewise I've seen small, thin men with tall, big women, and I've seen short women with tall men. And remember when Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett? Now, there's a couple that doesn't look alike!

I just read that thread, and I only saw one or two people who put looks at the top of the list. But that doesn't mean that their list only had one and only trait, nor did it mean that they only would consider dating good-looking women. I'd be careful not to read too much into a "list" of "ideal" characteristics.

I am very attracted to my husband physically, but that's not at all why I started dating him. He seemed too young for me when I met him, and despite being attractive, I decided I did NOT want to date someone so much younger (he turned out only to be 5 years younger, but he seemed younger than that). But after getting to know him as friends, he did end up charming me with his sensitivity, intelligence, and nurturing characteristics, and THAT is what won me over. The fact that he was also attractive (to me - not necessarily to everyone) was an added bonus.

Just be careful not to read too much into lists - in general, they are harmful to read if one is insecure about themselves.

...and you know, Lovebirds, I bet your fiance finds you attractive. Does it make him shallow because he does? No - everyone is attracted to different things. There is no single ideal of what beauty looks like. Not everyone things that Paris Hilton is beautiful or ideal. I know that my husband thinks I'm pretty but to some other men, I am not in the least attractive. I think my husband is handsome, but he before me, he tried to date other women who told him that they didn't find him attractive.

What is important is that your mate be attractive *to you* and that you are attractive *to him or her*. I think you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone, male or female, who would say that "universally attractive" is at the top of their list.

What makes me insecure is that Donald Trump said, "Any man would rather date a supermodel, if he could get one." Backing this up is that an ex of mine told me initially that he was attracted to big women, but toward the end of our marriage he "confessed" that he didn't actually prefer bigger women but thought that he himself was so unattractive that he couldn't get a lingerie model. His words.

So, what I wonder is, whether the men in my life have been attracted to me, or merely settled for me.

As for genetic predisposition, my daughter points out that we are not monkeys and have the ability to overcome evolutionary programming.

He's DONALD TRUMP! Trump rhymes with CHUMP. I wouldn't date an *** like him anyway. Why on earth would anyone care what HE thinks?

Your daughter is a smart girl.

Lovebirds - I wouldn't waste brain cells wondering whether men were truly attracted to or settled for you. You're just going to drive yourself crazy. In fact, an insecurity like that would make a supermodel be a turnoff. Confidence is what makes people REALLY attractive.

And I'd urge you to change your signature. It only serves to reinforce the negative voices in your head. Show us the beautiful part of your soul without distracting us with the poor self-image at the end of every single post.

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LovebirdsFlying said:
I disagree. I think it's morally wrong to toss someone away on the basis of something they can't help, such as height or skin color or whatever, and I also disagree that couples need to look alike in order to be attracted to each other. As a matter of fact, I was watching HGTV earlier today, and I saw a bathroom being redesigned for an interracial married couple. She was blonde and white, he was bald and black. They didn't look a thing like each other. Likewise I've seen small, thin men with tall, big women, and I've seen short women with tall men. And remember when Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett? Now, there's a couple that doesn't look alike!

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I didn't interpret You0me's post the way you did. She didn't say that couples NEED to look alike. She said that lots of couples DO resemble each other. She said that it was a pheremone thing, not a conscientious decision. We need to be unified and not put words in each other's mouths.

How's this signature?

I'm starting to work through the issue in that initial physical attraction is a matter of evolution and phermones and stuff, but I think my daughter is right. We just got off the phone with each other, discussing the issue even while I've been posting here. She says animals are looking for mates who are the most apt to reproduce and continue the species; but humans are above mere physical attraction and should be able to look past the mole on someone's nose.

is it possible the list in the mens forum was JUST a WISH list, come on don't we all wish for something we ain't got, besides it is there forum, cut them some slack

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LovebirdsFlying said:
I just thank God I'm engaged to a man who is not so shallow as to judge me by what I look like.

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Ok, now I'm getting irritated. I just was browsing the Photos forum and there is a picture of you -- you are VERY pretty! Why are you so hung up on the 'ugly woman' syndrome? You have gorgeous hair, beautiful clear skin, a pretty smile, and expressive eyes. Your fiance not "judging" you by your looks -- he probably thinks you're pretty darn hot and that he's lucky he scored a babe like you.

And I should say that your fiance is no dog either - don't tell me that you don't find him attractive - he's handsome!

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nothemama8 said:
is it possible the list in the mens forum was JUST a WISH list, come on don't we all wish for something we ain't got, besides it is there forum, cut them some slack

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If we have to watch what we say in the women's forum, because men do read it and it might hurt some guy's feelings, then they should be careful of our feelings too.

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LMo said:
And I should say that your fiance is no dog either - don't tell me that you don't find him attractive - he's handsome!

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Well, thank you for the compliments for both of us.

Note: Since it is hard to communicate tone of voice over the internet, picture a clinical, unemotional, more or less flat tone.

By the way, I never said Mike was judging me by looks; I said I thank God he isn't. I also never said I don't find Mike attractive. I call him handsome and/or cute all the time, and he calls me beautiful. What I'm trying to say is that neither one of us really cares whether or not the other is physically attractive. That doesn't mean we don't think so.

It's not so much that I think I'm ugly, or for that matter that he is ugly. Neither one of us actually IS. But we are both plus size, and because of that we have been CALLED ugly, numerous times, and may I say unfairly. In fact, one of my biggest pet gripes in life is when people say "fat-and-ugly" like it's all one word. I've seen some good looking fat people, and some butt-ugly skinny ones.

And I still say it is wrong to treat unattractive people differently from attractive people, or to let level of attractiveness determine how you relate to the person. I refuse to accept or reject a person based on what they look like. That's the whole statement I'm making. I don't have to believe I'm ugly to think it's wrong to react that way, just as I don't have to be a minority to realize that racial discrimination is wrong. Making the point that ugliness doesn't apply to me, so I shouldn't worry, is like saying I don't need to care about racial discrimination because I'm white.

Again, thank you for your compliments. They are appreciated.

Well it is true, people who have the "hollywood standards" of beautiful do as a whole get treated better. There has been studies done on how even "cuter" babies and children get more attention. They have found that "less attractive" kids are more likely to be physically abused.
I don't like this, but it is the facts so far. They have even done studies were they show "beautiful people" are in happier marriages too. So yes there is a prejudice. It is sad because we are all people, we all need love and acceptance.

Hmm - I have been thinking about this one and this is what I believe........from forty years experience.

The younger men tend to go more for looks while the older (mature) men tend to go for what inside a woman...... and I do not believe we will ever be able to change this part of a man for it is part of who they are for some reason - sorry.

P.S.
And not to say that all the men that want looks in their gf gets it - well at least not the super model look.

I THINK, whoever says that they don't LOOK at their mates before even considering attraction is full of ca ca. First off, for males and females their has to be some sort of physical attraction in order for them to even begin talking...you see what I mean??? If their is no physical attraction then you'd walk pass the person like any other. The Men are being honest. They didn't intend to hurt anybody.

The first time I met my husband I didn't think he was all so hot, till I saw him play his acoustic with a Tool t shirt on...ah, then I knew I wanted to talk to him. My husband says the same thing, I thought I was cute so we began talking outside work hours. Then comes the love through personalities. There HAS to be something that pulls two strangers together OKAY.

I'm not at all dismissing personality and potential life status neither. Of course there more important then looks alone. A personality can and will make a person hideous.

youome - thats not always true. in many cases its natural to look for someone that is different than you. the main goal of evolution is to increase your gene pool and to increase your genetic variation. looking for someone the same as you doesnt do that. so a lot of times in the animal kingdom they will look for someone different than themselves. if their genes are excellent they will look for someone that looks like them. but often thats not what happens.

i used to be real hung up on it too. but i figure, any guy that wants to date someone simply based on looks is probably stupid and i dont want them anyways. so any guy that cant get past the fact that i dont wear make up... not for me anyways its hard to think that sometimes but then when i think about it any guy thats ever called me fat or ugly and has meant it, ive gotten to know them and they just bug the crap out of me. that makes me feel better. my boyfriend makes me feel like im the most attractive person in the world to him and i belive that now after years of him telling me.

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salukigirl said:
youome - thats not always true. in many cases its natural to look for someone that is different than you. the main goal of evolution is to increase your gene pool and to increase your genetic variation. looking for someone the same as you doesnt do that. so a lot of times in the animal kingdom they will look for someone different than themselves. if their genes are excellent they will look for someone that looks like them. but often thats not what happens.

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What do you mean different than you? My husband and I are not twins, lol. This sounds as though the goal of obtaining a partner and getting married is evolution-- My husband and I are not even interested in having kids.