question for women

I have a quesiton for women and wonder if any of you can help me.

My father died when I was a baby and did not have any male figure growing up. My mother never told me anything about sex. What I learned, I learned from boyfriends. Three to be exact. They were all bad expericneces and I have negative feelings from them.

Then I met my husband who was a virgin. I would not sleep with him because I didn't want to get hurt again. He was the type of guy that my mind told me that I should marry but I was still attracted to the jerks that I had dated. I felt I desearved to be treated that way. I don't know, something like that.

I am now, 37 and have been married for almost 16 years and have 4 children with my husband.

The problem is that in the last year, I have been feeling like a sexual awakening. I want more! When we first got married, I had never had an O. Not once, not even close. I didn't even know that there was suppose to be something more to it for me!! Stupid, I know. I had my first O after our son was born and even then, it wasn't that great. I was fine with it being hohum and my husband was happy as long as he got it a couple times a week. But it was always the same and mostly about him. I don't think that he really knew any better himself. He doesn't make any noises and it is always the same position and what not. My Os have increased over the years and have gotten better but now sometimes, they are amazing and I can't help but make noise! I just want to go wild but I shut down. I get too embarrassed or worried that he will think that I am crazy. I have tried to be more dominate and he seems to take back over. You have to understand that this is very out of the norm for me and I think I am throwing him off completly. Maybe he thinks he is doind something wrong? I can't talk to him openly about it.... I get so nervous but we have a great relationship. He is a great guy and a great father.

About 3 months ago, I got the courage and asked if I could try something different and he said yes. I then gave him a blow job..... something, you guessed it.... we had never done before. I really enjoyed it and am very interested in him doing it to me but it didn't seem to do anything to him. I have tried it agian, thinking that I did somehting wrong and still didn't make him go crazy. So I asked him a couple days later if he liked it and he said that he didn't mind. So, what is wrong with me??? Is it normal for me to want him to do oral to me so bad and he just doesn't seem to want to. I enjoy doing it to him.... could I be doing something wrong?

Is it normal for me to feel like this? Is this normal for a woman to go through this? What do I do with this wild woman trapped inside of me and how do I gain courage to let her out. Please don't just tell me to talk to my husband..... I shut down, get nervous and start crying. It goes back to being hurt.... one of my boyfriends forced me to give him a blow job and I puked all over him and then he got pissed at me. So I know that I am very weak in this area but I need help!!

Should I just continue and leave things the way that they are. My husband seems happy and content but I just want so much more.... but that is only a want and I don't have to have it.

Does any of that make any sense???

Juli

you are very normal! and you are coming into your sexual peak! women go thru it much later than men. they tend to go thru theirs very young. teens and twenties. what I would do is tell him you would like for him to give you the oral as well as giving it to him. I don't know if you are a drinker or not but if you are maybe have a couple of glasses of wine to relax you enough to talk to him. I too am very quiet when it comes to letting a man know what I want. I can however do it when I have had a couple of drinks. you lose the inhibitions. good luck!

Sweetie there is absolutely nothing wrong with you and I just feel sorry you are not being completely fulfilled. You said your huby was a virgin, so therefore it is natural to want to experiment together ... or YOU want to. Like Bebp says, maybe after a bit of Dutch courage you could broach the subject with him, I'm sure he would be delighted, what man wouldn't? There are also a really good range of videos and books on the market that you could send for from the internet that maybe you could read together.

I wish you both good luck .... way to go girl, have fun!

Love, Jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxo

You sound like a normal woman who is between the age of 30-45...... so go for it and enjoy it - and just know that some things will not be comfortable for your husband to perform or have performed on him if he has gone this long in life with out it - but that does not mean that you cannot have fun trying.

Hey Im glad you asked him if you two could try something different. My husband didnt make a sound for the longest time, but now he does. Not loud but now he does. But anyway, I say pick up a cosmopolitan (the magazine and the drink i say)!

Thanks Bebop. I enjoy a drink now and then and will try that to see if that helps!
Juli

Jinnyann
I think that is what has thrown me off so far.... he doesn't seem delighted by my actions.... just okay with them. I expected him to be like, wow!! Thanks for your well wishes, I appreciate them.
Juli

Rhapsody
Funny that you would respond.... because in reading other posts, you were the one that stood out to me.
Thanks!
Juli

BalishBun
I have just subscribed to Cosmo about 2 months ago!! I must say, that any courage that I have gotten is probably from reading from that right before..... good advice.
Why does your husband make noise now? Because you told him you would like it or has it just gotten better for him? Maybe, I am just not good enough for my husband?
Juli

my hubby has no issue with making noise! he gets loud lol. hon you have to really practice with the bj and different techniques to get him going maybe. not saying you don't know how to do it mind you! some guys are just hard to get going. also have HIM read the cosmo! my hubby use to read it all the time but stopped but believe me he needs to start again! lol it gives guys good hints on things.

Thanks Bebop
You have made me feel better and I am glad that there are women here that I can talk to. It is a tough thing for me to do.
Juli

Hey Julianne, I dont think I've replied to any of your posts before...

Its sounds like he doesnt really understand whats going on with you, it's like he's not taking part like you are (if you get what I mean) - so instead of just trying new things and hope he gets the idea, why dont you just talk to him?

Are you open with eachother about sex?

I know you told us not to advise you to do this but.... you can be suprised what a little communication can do. Open up to him and tell him all of this, that you have become more interested in it and see what his reaction is... what have you got to lose?

Well done for taking the first step of trying to get things going by giving him oral, even though u might not have got the response you wanted, dont let it put you off and keep trying... Im sure deep down he really appreciates it.

babyg xXx

P.S - I agree with BalishBun, Cosmopolitan magazine is great! xXx

try to set the mood how about a nice candle light meal & a bottle of wine & may be even a movie if you know what I meen then take it from there if you have done the same ting for so long anything new will make you both unsure if you like it or not at first but the more you do it the more you should like it

when I got married as good as my sex life was back then it was the same thing but now after 13yrs together we have tryed tings that we would never have done back then at 17yrs old some things we liked some we didnt & dont do any more but we still try new things we both make a noise when we have sex but not to loud cause of the boys lol hope you get things sorted dont rush in to trying everything all on the same night just try something different every now & then & im sure you will find something that you both like good luck & happy playing