Number of sexual partners

I am well into my 50s, have had many sexual encounters. I was promiscuous and careless and thank God that I did not contract a sexual disease.

I have one thing to tell you: PLEASE PRACTICE SAFE SEX.

I couldn't agree more.

I will come right out and say it: I have had alot(like, ALOT) of sexual partners in my 26 years of life. However, I have ALWAYS practised safe sex, unless i was in a committed relationship where both have been tested. Of course, there has been the odd indiscrimanate time(I do have a suprise 14 month old after all).

Personally I don't think there is a thing wrong with having multiple or single or no or any partners. Its all personal choice and you do what makes you happy.

With that being said. Most of the partners I had before the age of 18 were had for the wrong reasons. At that point I was still looking for love in sex. When I was about that age, 17 or 18, I had a change in the way I veiwed sex and love and gained alot more confidence. Thats not to say i could have been considered no longer promiscuous or whatnot(i hate that word - it makes it sound so wrong to be sexual). Personally I dont put much stock into labels like that or the nasty things people sometimes call each other.

As long as you are doing whatever you are doing because you enjoy it and for the right reasons, and you are being safe and getting tested no matter what regularly, I say do what your heart desires. Sex is a healthy thing if done for the good reasons.

I've been a part of the alternative scene for a good peice of time now, so I tend to be much more open minded about this stuff.

Safe sex is good. I've had a fair amount of partners, most of them within the same year or so, and within that same year, lots of guys I was sexual with without actually having intercourse (you can still pass on STIs like that, so safe sex people!). I wasn't doing it because of abuse or looking for love or whatever, the plain and simple fact was that I enjoyed sex and I enjoyed the adventure of someone new, sometimes a stranger because there was a risk there and I liked it. It was exciting to me to think of the risks involved. Thank goodness nothing terrible happened. I am now very happily married.

It annoys me when people assume that just because a woman is having a lot of sex she must have been abused or suffering low self esteem, which may be the case for some, but not everyone. Lots of women enjoy sex. Nothing wrong with that.

As for the numbers talk, if you're healthy, happy and what not, it's not your partners business if you've been with 1 man or 100 men, nor is it his business if you've been treated for STIs (ones that don't stick around after the antibiotics that is) or if you've had any unwanted pregnancies (unless of course, there is a child in your life).

I have had just a few partners and I am ashamed because the few that I have had were all losers. I didn't love any of them they were all just convienent lays. I was mad at my dad the night I lost my virginity and it was my way of getting back at him because I knew he would lose his cool if he ever found out and boy was I ever right.

The last guy I was with ended up sexually assaulting me and I have emotional scars from that and now have a hard time trusting men because of what he did to me. I even think I see him and I have a panic attack. I was released from the psych ward early because there was a patient that was admitted that reminded me too much of him and it was causing me to backslide way too much so me and my doctor decided it was best for me to leave.

I wish I could go back and take back the first time because the guy I am in love with now has never been with anyone and I would have liked to been his first.

Jan

I remember a work friend called that/me an "experienced virgin".

I don't really think the number matters as long as you learn something. Granted, I wish now that I would have had more self-confidence and not thought that sex was the only way to get a guy to like you. But being "promiscuous" for a little bit taught me a lot about myself. I learned how to respect myself and also learned the difference between having sex and making love. Even though I have had sex with several guys, I've only made love to a few, and I think that's what matters.

I know that my current boyfriend has less than half the number I do so we just don't talk about straight numbers. He knows that I've had a past and I know he has one too and we don't really care about it. I used to be one of those girls who had to know who they slept with, if they still talked to them etc... but I try to push those things out now.

We met in 1970, married in 1972 and are still together today. As far as numbers are concerned "ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies".

I would read the poll as "partners" just as it says. Whether you engaged in missisonary style intercourse (i.e.) or not. It also wouldn't include non-partners, imo, such as those who took advantage of another.

As for the other comments, I think it's very important to teach and exhibit modesty. It's part of feeling good about yourself, your body, and knowing that it's yours to control. As for safe sex? The only kind is none in that respect. But of course, that is absurd for married couples, isn't it? Guess you just have to trust someone eh?

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[quote=Maven;993362]
"And look at how we are super-sensitive about sex in the U.S., particularly. The freest country in the world, and we have major hang-ups about sex. Europe is known for topless beaches, and it's no big deal there. But if you breastfeed in public or have a "wardrobe malfunction," the country gets all bent out of shape. It's just a breast! Nudity does not equal sex. Children aren't harmed by seeing naked people, unless those around them make such a big deal of it, it "sticks" with the child. You can teach your child you believe others' behaviors are wrong, but you don't have to freak out."

I absolutely agree with that statement, and I thought the same thing when the Janet Jackson incident happened - everyone was up in arms over a breast on national TV, when people allow their children to witness all kinds of violent horrors without giving it a second thought, in a society that promotes war instead of love.

Of course, we will never go back to the "free love" society that was once promoted in America, and I don't think we should be so care-free in a world where people are dying of AIDS, and lifelong diseased such as herpes, and even curable but nonetheless deadly diseases like syphilis continue to be prevalent in our culture. Which brings to mind the recent comments made by Jamie Foxx regarding Miley Cyrus, telling her that catching chlamydia was akin to a rite of passage into adulthood.

I don't think that the topic of past sexual partners should EVER be a secret - your current partner has every right to gauge the safety of their current situation, and the fact is that the more partners one has had the higher the likelihood that they have been exposed to a STD, herpes being the prevalent one, which can be acquired and passed on without showing symptoms, and is not generally tested for in blanket STD testing. Anyone who doesn't get tested between partners or withholds information from them, who would endanger a partner in that way, is a sorry excuse for an adult.

Herpes Prevalance Rate: approx 1 in 4 or 24.63% or 67 million people in USA
source:
http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/g/geni...rpes/stats.htm

So, if you've had more than four partners, think about your chances. One must look at the evidence of a subject and make wise decisions based on those, and the fewer partners one has the safer they are, that's a fact. It isn't just a question of religious morality, though many make it out to be.

Which brings us back to America's sex phobia; if sexuality were a more open subject and didn't suffer from so many taboos we would be creating safer a society. Information about safer sex, not just abstinence, would be available to young people in all schools instead of not discussed by people who deny human nature. Of course, abstinence is the best way to prevent STDs and unwanted pregnancy, but you'd have to be stupid to expect young people not to experiment, and that's what abstinence-only education assumes. Young people have a right to know what they are exposing themselves, and others to.

The matter of breasts in public has more to do with America's sexualizing of the breast than being anti-sex. In other countries the breast isn't focused on so heavily as a sexual object and that creates equality between men and women on that front, no pun intended. Where I live it is legal for women to be in public with their breasts exposed the same as for men, but I wouldn't say my community whole-heartedly agrees with that law and you rarely see women excersize their rights.

Anyway, CONDOMS, everybody! CONDOMS CONDOMS CONDOMS!!!

I do agree that the problem with breast exposure is the sexualizing of the breast. As I understand, women used to breastfeed in public in Jesse James' time, and people didn't bat an eye. But now, they lose their minds!

I disagree that the number of past partners is anybody else's business. Whether you've had one or a hundred, you may have an STI. Yes, your risks are higher if you've had many partners, but regardless, any partner in the future ought to have enough sense to protect him/herself. Plus, people still judge others for having many partners, and it can lead to stigma if word is spread about a person who's had, or believed to have had, any partners. You may think I'm a "sorry excuse for an adult," but I don't. I protect myself, and I would expect my partners to protect themselves (the condom protects both of us, of course).

I believe in being tested regularly when you're sexually active, and telling your partners if you've had an STD.

I think it's the difference in how we portray women's bodies. Things like Playboy and Hustler make it seem like we're just objects. It's not like In Europe where they have nude beaches and men are just as exposed as women so it's no big deal. Whereas here for every 1 movie you see a naked man in there are probably 100 movies with naked women. And they almost always portray them as just bodies - not people, just bodies.

I don't find exposing yourself for the purpose of art, or just natural bodily functions like breast-feeding a problem. But I do see something wrong with making yourself an object in a magazine like Hustler.

I.E. There was a woman who was fired as cheerleading coach in Sacramento because a parent found nude pictures of her in Playboy and got a stick up their ***. And I don't really know which way to go on this. One part of me wants to say that I would have no problem having this woman coach a teenage daughter of mine because it's her body and she can do with it what she chooses. But there is another part of me that thinks that magazines like that are extremely demeaning and I wouldn't want my daughter to have a person so involved in their lives that thinks it's okay to subject yourself to that kind of treatment. y'know?

Maybe I'm just a little too conservative but I think, to me, intentions are everything. There is a difference between a stripper who does it simply to gain attention from men and a stripper who celebrates her body and does it because she likes being able to express herself and get paid for it. So I guess, to me at least, it all depends on your reasoning.

Several of the men I've slept with were because I was single and I wanted sex. I told them beforehand that I didn't want anything serious but I had needs too. That, to me, if different that having sex with men because you think you have to to get them to like you.

Sorry if that offends anyone. I realize I'm a little conservative when it comes to women's bodies and I'm very conflicted in what I think it right and what has been hammered into my brain over years of parental upbringing. I guess that's why opinions are like as sholes. Everyone has one!

We had a teacher at a local school who left (I think she resigned, rather than being fired, but I'm sure it was pressure from parents, and possibly administrators) because they found out she used to be a porn star (rather famous, if I'm not mistaken). She also taught (maybe still teaches) at the local YMCA. I felt bad for her, because she's not in the adult business anymore, and I don't think that should prevent her from being a teacher.

As far as women who model in HUSTLER, PLAYBOY and the like, who do it for money (not to celebrate their bodies, as you distinguish), I see them as victims of the same media and society that those young readers of women's magazines and admirers of female celebrities. Even female celebrities, who are often criticized for being too skinny (and I've done that myself, I admit) or getting too much plastic surgery, I see more as victims. People don't like that they send the message to young girls that all females should be super-skinny and full of collagen and silicone, and neither do I, but those women are victims of the same images they're creating. It's hard to not present what you were taught is ideal, if you achieve it (even if it's just makeup and fakery). It's a vicious cycle. Even as an older woman, and even knowing what these images do to us, I am still unable to feel good about my body and myself because I don't look like these "hot" women. I don't want to be super-skinny; I like having curves (but not rolls), and don't want to look like a supermodel. But I have a lot of things I want to change.

Sorry, I'm getting off-topic. I agree, the problem here in the US is that breasts are sexualized, and women are seen as objects. I have mixed feelings about all of it, too.

I'm more liberal than you, obviously, but I think we both want women to feel empowered about their bodies, and not feel men are the main goal in life (no offense to men; I love men, but women shouldn't give up themselves in the pursuit of love or lust) and that they have to do whatever it takes to get them.

The breast being sexualized makes sense to me because well, stimulating the nipple can lead to sexual stimulation and plenty of pleasure. The problem I think is the idea of sexuality or sex or even biology or words like vagina, penis, errection, orgasm etc. to be somewhat taboo or offensive.

I don't think that the double standard arises from objectification as much as objectification is a result of the same thing causing the double standard, the idea that women are by nature not like men and do not have the same needs/wants/desires as men. There is this weird idea in our society that women have sex for emotional reasons to express love while men only have sex for physical reasons and an even weirder idea that teenage girls and young women who have sex are doing it for "love" or "attention" or under the manipulation of some horny male rather than freely choosing to be sexual. This idea that women are "innocent, emotional, easily manipulated sexually, non-sexual yet sexually pleasing" leads to objectifying women's bodies, disrespect to women who are sexually active outside of marriage or partnership and the idea that a woman posing for a magazine, regardless of reason, is somehow a moral tragedy or at least a signifier of her character and integrity (thus the teacher stories).

Of course, given that, I'll admit I don't usually find sex emotional, don't often consider it "making love" and find it a mutually enjoyable activity and nothing more. I never understood why people fall in love with their "sex buddies" or feel attached to one night stands or even care at all. To me, sex is just sex and can't understand how anyone can be disrespecting themselves by sleeping around or even choosing to be in pornography. It's an activity and sure it has risks, less risks than driving a car I'd say though except within the irrational social context, something I outright ignore on a personal level.

There are many erogenous zones on the human body, and they're not sexualized like the breast is.

As for the idea that women are different from men and have sex for different reasons than men, that comes from scientific research on the brain. I'm not saying I agree with it completely--I've had sex without feeling the "bonding" and "attachment" they're always talking about, and I know many other women who say they also have. Society does, however, make it out that women don't want sex, especially teen girls, or at least aren't as horny as men, but I disagree. Dr. Laura Berman was a guest on The Tyra Banks Show not long ago, and she pointed out something that actually makes a lot of sense. Since girls are often taught (more than boys) that masturbation is bad and shameful, girls sometimes don't learn how their bodies work and how to pleasure themselves, so their first experiences of these wonderful sensations come from boys, kissing them and touching them, so they might think only guys can give these sensations, and thus have sex more carelessly and unprotected.

I think girls are taught that they need boys, and that they're worthless without a boyfriend, and perhaps fairy tales add to that idea (the princess being rescued by the knight in shining armor), so they tend to romanticize what guys want and are like, and have unrealistic expectancies when they get in a relationship, and often feel that sex will cement the relationship.

That said, I think some girls and women have sex because they want sex, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

hell.....im 22 and im just NOW learning that I don't NEED a man! It took me a long time to realize that I should call the shots of what I need in MY life and MY relationships and if he doesn't like that, then he can get out. I can't even describe how happy I've been since I came to that conclusion.

One more thing on the sexualization of breasts: Men's nipples are just as sensitive as women's nipples, and many men enjoy them being stimulated, but their breasts aren't sexualized.

Well, women's breasts are sexual because they are a defining female characteristic, signal fertility and health and evolutionarily speaking, this is sexual. There is no question about the fact that breasts are a sexual characteristic thus when looking for a physically attractive partner, breasts are going to be part of this consideration whether concious or not. Sure, media has latched on to physical attraction to women to the point where many find it offensive, but I think that's only because it's one sided. Men get to have the power to define what is sexual, well, I want some man candy.

Women should speak up more about those sexy pieces of man *** that we'd rather jump than talk to and then, as women's sexuality is accepted, we can enjoy more sexy man *** on tv. Seriously though, whats the problem with wanting an attractive looking partner or at the very least, a sexy fantasy figure?

I find this pole amusing....what is it telling us?

Promiscuity??? doesn't seem to really be an issue unless you are still quite young. I have had few partners in my time........but then again I have been sexually active for 30+ years. Two of those were husbands which spanned over 25 years.

Husband died three years ago......haven't had a partner since......someday I hope to again.....I don't worry about adding another notch to my belt......I just hope to have those feelings again.

Enjoy it with someone who means something to you. Don't take it lightly, it isn't just about "the moment". And good lord - protect yourself.

Women's breasts may be a sexual characteristic, but many cultures don't see them that way. They don't cover them.

But I do agree with you, dearyou, that more sexy men would be great. Although, I'd worry about how much harder it would be for those who aren't considered especially attractive, if we got men sexier, rather than accepting women who weren't "hot."