[twofaces]

Hi it's tony again.

Thank you everyone for posting warm comments in my threads.. I feel that I am in a right place now to discuss my problems and strategies.

One problem I would like to talk about today is how my problems affect myself as well as others at work.

Although I'm 19 years old, I have total of about 1 and half years of work experience, which is total of various part time as well as full time jobs I did before.

My parents told me that the problems will get better and that I will become better at workplaces, but some core problems still remain no matter how long I work for.

In my first workplace, I felt it was lucky if I passed a day without getting scolded infront of my face and getting ridiculed upon.

In later workplaces, similar things applied. I didn't know why I was getting scolded so much, but now to think about it, I found that I had a lot of similar persisting problems.

1. Trouble following even the simple instructions: Let's say that my boss asked me to do something. I will perform it assuming that I am right about the procedure, and will never ask any questions. Of course in the end, things go wrong.

2. Trouble hearing. I get extremely anxious when a busy workmate just tells me to do something quickly and dashes to other place. I have to rethink by first eliminating my anxiety, but sometimes it creates anger in other workmate because I did the wrong thing.

This applies to simple talks as well. I have to rethink about twice or three times, and react twice or three times slower to do something others told me.

3. Perceptual problem. I don't know why, but I just can't find some objects or is very weak at doing the grocery store jobs, because I'm just terrible at finding things. I also have problem estimating if a cloth will suit me when I first see it. Some problems such as wearing a woman's cloth happen because of this problem.

4. Taken for granted. I get advantaged by some work mates, because they know that I'm too kind to ignore what someone tells me to do. More problem is that the workmate will think me as some slave, not someone to gives gratitude.

5. Forgetfulness. I forget what I did like 30 minutes ago sometimes. This gets work when I work in pressured environment. I forget what I am doing, and of course this creates a lot of trouble. The problem is that this forgetfulness stresses me in unnecessary ways as well. Now I can't trust that if I have locked my front door when I left my house, or if I turned my kitchen gas off when I left the kitchen. I think this is creating some mild obssessive compulsory disorder as well.


I want to fix those problems because not only I distress myself, but also others who work with me in the job.

Thank you again for reading my thread, and I'm sorry that I'm not on the level of helping with people's problems yet. But I will start posting on other's threads as well. Cheers and have a good day

[pegasus]

Hello twofaces,

I don't think anyone deserves to be scolded in the work place as we are all adults and no one is perfect. I'm guessing that your first experiences of being scolded in the work place have probably made you more anxious at work. The fear of doing it wrong can make us make more mistakes, not hear correctly etc.

I'm sorry you are going through this, do you have a supervisor or manager that you can talk with about how you can improve your performance without getting worked up about it? I would suggest going real easy on yourself, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Ask colleagues to clarify what they want you to do so you hear what they are saying. Take 5 minutes to catch your breath occassionally and reward yourself at the end of the day when things go well.

[twofaces]

Originally Posted by pegasus

Hello twofaces,

I don't think anyone deserves to be scolded in the work place as we are all adults and no one is perfect. I'm guessing that your first experiences of being scolded in the work place have probably made you more anxious at work. The fear of doing it wrong can make us make more mistakes, not hear correctly etc.

I'm sorry you are going through this, do you have a supervisor or manager that you can talk with about how you can improve your performance without getting worked up about it? I would suggest going real easy on yourself, remind yourself that you are doing the best you can. Ask colleagues to clarify what they want you to do so you hear what they are saying. Take 5 minutes to catch your breath occassionally and reward yourself at the end of the day when things go well.

Sadly, I have too much expectation place upon myself, and this personality is reflected too when I talk to the others as well.

I get stressed even if I achieved something unusual and high, such as finishing the half-marathon course in 2 hours in my first try. All I could think about was 'I could have done better'.

This is very deep rooted feeling for me... But I'm slowly finding out thanks to people like you, who recognize and understand my feeling.

[Jan1212]

It is not you, many bosses act like that because they are miserable. When thy're showing you, around that time is right to ask questions. You are letting your co-workers take advantage of you, you need to know your boundaries and you sometimes have to say "No thanks! I am too busy with my own work!" Others will say the same thing to you if you'd asked. People are cruel, they want to divert the blame to someone who won't stand up for it. I 've worked in places like that when I was younger, some of my co-workers were uneducated and have no consideration to others - it's not you, don't blame yourself

[beauflow]

((Twofaces)) i had to read your post a couple times to see if perhaps I could be productive with a response... only a few things to suggest that may help-
I agree with your parents, even if these are core problems, if you work on them with trying to be better- you'll probably surprise yourself in a few years

1. Trouble following even the simple instructions: Let's say that my boss asked me to do something. I will perform it assuming that I am right about the procedure, and will never ask any questions. Of course in the end, things go wrong.
Can I ask Why do you not ask questions?
Asking questions - to some this is great for a worker to ask questions- It is initiative on your part to better understand what needs to be done and to do it right. Managers do not want to continually have to have some one else to come along to "redo what one did"..
I have known some people that they think asking questions make them appear "stupid".... Asking questions does not show stupidity- It shows you want to learn and ready to do what is asked.
I am a "bad one" for almost- regurgitating what needs to be done before a manager leaves to be sure I understand- many do not mind, I tell them I just want to be sure to do it right is why I am explaining and asking questions if they "seem" to be bothered.

2. Trouble hearing. I get extremely anxious when a busy workmate just tells me to do something quickly and dashes to other place. I have to rethink by first eliminating my anxiety, but sometimes it creates anger in other workmate because I did the wrong thing.
Take a Deep breath in.. If needed- ask that co-worker/manager- to please come back and re-explain some things that perhaps were rushed through with instructions when they were given... I am sure others could give a better example than I - due to I am usually straight out of "you rushed off and I don't understand fully"-- If you work with a place with phones call them while they are on the go-- they probably realize (or I would hope at least SOME Do) that they are rushing around. If it angers them with asking them to reexplain just be honest with you want to do it right the first time.
This applies to simple talks as well. I have to rethink about twice or three times, and react twice or three times slower to do something others told me.
Is this part of anxiety/anxiousness? Idk what to suggest. but ((hugs)) some days I feel like my brain is really slow, and huh?

3. Perceptual problem. I don't know why, but I just can't find some objects or is very weak at doing the grocery store jobs, because I'm just terrible at finding things. I also have problem estimating if a cloth will suit me when I first see it. Some problems such as wearing a woman's cloth happen because of this problem.
Perceptual problems i think if you continue with trying you will get better at. Again IDK what to suggest.

4. Taken for granted. I get advantaged by some work mates, because they know that I'm too kind to ignore what someone tells me to do. More problem is that the workmate will think me as some slave, not someone to gives gratitude.
I have this issue too-- it sucks and really does not help with my own personal issues or self esteem- it is wrong.... sadly, I have to say, sort of stand up for yourself and say I have my own work to do mate! Some times it is what I do, even if I feel guilt for not giving someone what they wanted... but it is good in away too not to be used.
5. Forgetfulness. I forget what I did like 30 minutes ago sometimes. This gets work when I work in pressured environment. I forget what I am doing, and of course this creates a lot of trouble. The problem is that this forgetfulness stresses me in unnecessary ways as well. Now I can't trust that if I have locked my front door when I left my house, or if I turned my kitchen gas off when I left the kitchen. I think this is creating some mild obssessive compulsory disorder as well.
IDK what to really suggest since you mention OCD--- and that is something I don't know much about
But as a general suggestion: Can you write down on a note pad what needs to be done for you life and work life i.e. make a list of things for home and check them off before you leave; check- Done! no worry now. (I do that before I walk out the door- phone, keys, badge, wallet, mind? ).. and while you are at work, write down what tasks are being told or have been told.

I did that the first year at my job- and when new tasks came I would write them down on a sticky for a bit till they became routine to me..
I work at a place that I have to know a lot of procedures but they may be used in a blue moon- Sometimes I do "mock run through" by myself OR Greatest are when I get a new person to come work with me and also at times re-read materials to be up to par with some things.

I strongly agree with the other posters-- People SHOULD NOT Have to go to a job and be scolded-- I have that- I am not scolded like a child though- it is more like a dog that has done something bad with a shaken finger at me-- which I could go just bananas over some times.

Could had done better thoughts-- OMG I can be there with you-- And Some times it is due to I feel as if I messed up when i really have not, or some times it is just i feel as if "i did not try hard enough"... with me realizing that I at least gave it a try and with my personality with being very detailed ( i am known as the meticulous one at work idk why... ), even if i did not do 110% it is more than what some others do (for my work place at least).... and I know that may sound a bit cocky, but it gets rid of some of that guilt..
My guilt can come from that I am to do everything-- I need to be A+ on it all-- with my job- it is dead end- I am expected by the upper upper managers not to try so hard, so it is an expectation of myself, which I need to be kinder to at times.

Many hugs to you.. best thoughts and wishes your way on this

[CastlesInTheAir]

great suggestions beauflow!! I kept thinking notepad and pen notepad and pen notepad and pen hehehe.....

also another suggestion is when a manager or supervisor tells you to do something repeat back to them what they said for validation plus it tells them you are listening and understanding......then as beauflow stated write it down......write everything down...take notes... ask co-workers who have been there for awhile for advice...

[JustKeepGoing]

Another suggestion based off of triciadrich and beauflow, try to repeat back in your own words the instruction. By using using your own words, if you do not understand correctly, that gives them a chance to correct you.

[Nicks_Nose]

Twofaces, don't feel bad. I have been in the workplace for 30 years, and I have many of the same issues you face presently. Even after years of experience, and lots of education, people above you will be in a hurry to see things get done, stressed to see things done a certain way and appreciate it when it is done right the first time. This will be the same issue in any work place regardless of the trade, rank and years of experience.

I also have the added trouble of carrying my stress within me. Everybody tells me to leave work behind me when I leave it. They tell me to let a bad moment just roll off my back. Don't let issues get to me. However, they always do. I take each and every issue very personally when bosses pass judgment and coworkers all tell me I will have an ulcer soon. My father did too. I hope you can learn to find a way to let the day's events pass by you. I am trying to learn it now, at 47 years of age.