[Dontfeellikeme]

I don't know. I've really been trying to make everything right but it isn't working. I don't want to have to deal with it anymore. I hate being around people. I dont feel safe at work. I just can't deal with people. I know they are all out to get me. My fault as I let them all down by being off so long. My partner is telling me to hand my notice in. But then what? Why can't I manage it anymore.

[Dontfeellikeme]

Got to be at work in about an hour and I can't move. I haven't slept in so long. Feel something bad is gonna happen. Someone help. If I could cry it would help but I can't.

[Iamhealingme]

Keep saying to yourself...I AM SAFE....if you have to sit there and say it for 2 or 8 hours, do it! You can figure the rest out later when you can move.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Got to be at work in about an hour and I can't move. I haven't slept in so long. Feel something bad is gonna happen. Someone help. If I could cry it would help but I can't.

I have been where you are.....not being able to remember the last time I slept, the feeling of impending doom from the moment I do wake up until I'm back in my bed. The all day anxiety. God do I know.

I too wish I could cry things out. But unless I'm PMSing, I can't summon any tears.

I'm sorry you're in this place, because I've been there so much, and in a way am there now. Now I have so much i need to do for my mental and physical health, and I can't categorize any of it,

It's a really ****** place to be in. I'm glad you have your husband though, for support.

Im not sure if anyone here is going to be able to convince you that not everyone is out to get you - it might be something that only your therapist is going to be able to help you work through. You will get there. A lot of people find success with therapists and medication etc - surely that means theres a good chance for you? You can't help being unwell so you haven't let people down - what use would you have been in work if you were sick? If you can't cope at the moment and you are able to quit your job then it might be something worth considering but if you can stick it out i think you'd have more of an oppertunity to put what you're learning in therapy to good use. Just my thoughts. I hope you feel better soon.

hope you feel better soon... we are here for you!

[Dontfeellikeme]

Thanks guys. I know people hate me and want me gone and it isn't just me. Im trying to do a good job. I was meant to be on leave today but went in because we were short staffed. I've been asking my manager to cover the shift every day since I booked it off but he didn't bother. Ah well. I try to be nice to people but they can tell that in my head what I'm thinking. I dunno.

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Thanks guys. I know people hate me and want me gone and it isn't just me. Im trying to do a good job. I was meant to be on leave today but went in because we were short staffed. I've been asking my manager to cover the shift every day since I booked it off but he didn't bother. Ah well. I try to be nice to people but they can tell that in my head what I'm thinking. I dunno.

I got a hospital job just before I was diagnosed with everything (months before I got the right med cocktail). I knew I was not cognitively up to working, but my mom forced me to take it because the job had excellent benefits and, "Your dr won't keep seeing you if you don't have insurance." (Which turned out not to be the case.) It was a good job, even interesting, but being so emotionally/mentally unstable--on top of sedatives--I could barely do the job. I spent months getting up to pee multiple times an hour out of anxiety, on top of feeling like I was dying/needed to go down to the ER, etc. I was always in a stupor, and unsurprisingly had the memory of a goldfish. Constantly asking questions that'd been answered days ago, same day.

It was a small lab I worked in, and all females, Most were my age (20s) or younger. Ever seen "Mean Girls"? That was me. It was obvious, looking back, something was off with me, but no one took the time to ask if I was ok, etc. Some of the girls were well trained but simply didn't feel like answering me, literally. Everyone there (about 6 ppl) became buddy buddy, talked about parties/inviting each other, around me....the lab was a little bigger than a living room. I tried to be part of stuff, but it was blatantly obvious they didn't care. Immaturity, lack of sympathy, etc. The gift of being so out of it then was I couldn't feel the full pain of the situation. It was a nightmare, when my next job offer came up I jumped on it. The hospital was about to fire me anyway cause I couldn't keep up.

Now, I could do that job well if given the chance. I wish so much I could see those b*tches and tell them how awful they were to me, and why I was a basketcase.



So I can relate all too well, dontfeellikeme.

[Dontfeellikeme]

Been off work two days. I lied and said I had an upset stomach. Feel awful about it. Can't sleep. Can't concentrate. Can't settle. Don't know what to do. Just couldn't face work. I just want to be on my own.

[dugan123]

Originally Posted by Dontfeellikeme

Been off work two days. I lied and said I had an upset stomach. Feel awful about it. Can't sleep. Can't concentrate. Can't settle. Don't know what to do. Just couldn't face work. I just want to be on my own.

Hi dont

I totally understand the calling off work. Its called avoidance and I do it too. One mental health day off turned into three for me so I had to get a physicians excuse to return to work. After I lied to the doc he told me tontake the rest of the week off. The thing is nobody suspects me. I guess its really out of character for me to miss three days work and lie to my doctor. I feel awful but ive done it.

How r u feeling now? Did u go back to work?