Co-workers are insane, I am insane, we are all insane.

Good god I am literally terrified to go into work.

The bank branch manager and my supervisor yell at each other, then they yell at me, then the other branch supervisor comes and yells at them, or maybe she yells at someone else, and everyone is yelling all the god damn time and I'm just trying to keep my head down.

Of course its not that simple.
I once wanted to perform well, but after a year of dealing with people who fly off the handle [for legitimate or illegitimate reasons], I've lost all motivation. Doing my best didn't stop the yelling. Yelling back or responding professionally didn't stop the yelling [professional response made it worse once!] Doing my worst, well, its worse but who cares anymore. I never had much control to begin with. My mind is completely disassociated, I'm not really "in" work. I'm somewhere else. Operating on autopilot. Not aware of surroundings for the sake of my sanity. Not always doing things according to policy, because hey that's how it was up until a couple months ago anyway.

I worked at the exact same bank at a different location and the difference was night and day. I go bowling with the old branch. Get dinner. I've been dating a former co-worker from there for over a year. The branch I'm at now? Gossip, talking about negative opinions of other people, venting, complaining, pointing out other people's faults, diverting blame to others, covering your butt because someone will capitalize on the opportunity to get you in trouble, ranting and yelling instead of trying to approach an issue with a solution....My bosses and co-workers deal with this from each other all god damn day and I couldn't be brought to give a damn anymore.

Its just bonkers. Totally. Bonkers.

I need out, because each day I return to this job my coping skills get worse and worse, and somehow this seems to be bringing out the worst in people even more than before....Its crazy how much worse people can get when they're bad to begin with.

I have plummeted into a depression. I haven't been this bad in years. I mean life hasn't been easy, but this is just ridiculous. My former boss at the same bank called my workplace an abusive environment based off what she had heard through the grapevine, and that's exactly what it is. I contemplate just ending things because some days it feels like no escape.

I've been interviewing with a place that said they loved me and wanted to put me in a better position than what they had available, but I've been both under and over qualified before and both problems landed me in my current job to begin with. I'm getting my hopes up because they are so enthused with me, but I'm just terrified its going to be more rejection that will send me slinking back to my current job. Like said, coping skills are suffering, I guess in all realms.

What on earth can I do to keep going? I don't think I can anymore. If I don't figure something out I'm afraid I'll hit rock bottom.

Help.

Hello Emily, certainly doesn't sound like a healthy environment to be in! Shouting and yelling is verbal abuse. A couple of things come to mind. Is there a whistle blowing line you can ring to alert what is going on? Or is there a higher manager from another branch that you can talk confidentially about this with? And is there a chance of putting in a transfer to another branch?

Hugs

Thanks for responding Pegasus. The whistleblowing hotline is reserved for issues such as embezzlement, fraud, and theft. It's really not meant for dysfunctional work environments in which the guilt of all parties is dubious to begin with.

I've mentioned a little bit of the dysfunction to three other branch managers who work at different locations; I have dinner with them sometimes. They themselves have had some minor issues with my one unsavory manager and are thus aware of her being difficult from personal experience. I don't like to try and make anyone look evil, so I've tried to describe a select few of these problems strictly from a policy and procedures point of view [it is the main standard to hold employees to in my line of work]. They don't have much advice for me, although I will admit I haven't asked them directly. they did tell me that many other people have had problems in other branches and have generally been disregarded in HR for "needless drama" and more or less got ignored. Because of this, transfers to other branches are not allowed anymore...A poor policy, if you ask me. It seems if HR is to take things seriously, it needs to be a legal issue.

I must admit, I haven't been well behaved myself. I tend to get upset when my bosses don't follow policy and procedure, and then suddenly decide to follow it and then yell at me or other coworkers when they don't follow. I can't really say anything because I am always responsible to uphold policy and procedure even when superiors aren't doing so. I would essentially be indemnifying myself if I said anything. Then my bosses would be sure to make my life difficult [I complained to the person above my supervisor that she created an environment of gossiping, a week later she writes me up for gossiping about a customer]. In frustration I'll just not follow procedure at times when they decide to, or be slow to change if a procedure changes or requires new steps.
Its a cowardly form of rebellion but I feel like its all I have. Its sort of like a captive animal. I'm fearful so I'm lashing out. I, of course, don't want to be that person.
I ultimately need to learn how to cope, and keep my sanity. But how?