My last two employers bullied me and fired me and are giving me negative references. One has gone so far as to call other prior employers in an attempt to stop them from giving me references. (Which, BTW, is illegal.)

The first employer is a small firm that has a history of abusing and harassing its employees both during and after employment. The senior partner and the office manager are unmarried partners who live together. So, there is no complaining to personnel while you are there.

The second employer became miffed when I remarked / asked why they were doing things a certain way. Turns out, they did things unconventionally so they could charge their clients more. One of the partners admitted this to me though I never threatened to make it known. I was bullied until one day I had a panic attack and was fired because it frightened my boss.

These jobs caused me to develop severe c-PTSD. The thoughts associated with them are so troubling that I have a hard time writing about them and have not contacted an attorney or filed a complaint with the attorney general's office. I really need to do this because their negative references are blocking me from getting employed.

Any suggestions of how I can get over this hump? I have hated my life for a long time and the fight seems to be out of me. However, in order to survive and have a life, I need to somehow find the emotional strength.

[Jan1212]

That is messed up. Something has to be done to stop them, let me tell you , in the future they WILL get caught and WILL be fined. I'm terribly saddened that this is happening... I was physically harassed by my past employer when I was younger and nobody would believe me. I had to call an ex-employer for my friend pretending to be HR - wasn't a nice call. How long have you been trying to get employment? But I have no doubt in what you're saying cause these things are actually happening and I believe you and I hope things will calm down for you.

I think the problems are twofold: the PTSD I have been suffering from as a result of the jobs makes it difficult to write about them and the natural procrastination that I have always suffered from.

I may have to take drastic action! I got through college by buying cakes everytime I had a large assignment. I would write some and reward myself with a piece of cake or pie and so on and so on until the project was done. I once described a difficult project as a "double Entenmann's!" I broke the habit but may have to make an exception. I know it may sound silly but it has worked in the past.