[lorenaisabel19]

I'm not sure how this site works, but might as well give it a shot because I have no one else to talk to. You see, I'm struggling with college, family and two part-time jobs. Seems like everyday problems, I'm pretty sure you have read worst, but the thing is, I'm not coping well to the extreme that I constantly want to commit suicide, but I never actually do it because one, my family depends on me, two it feels pathetic and three, I don't want to chicken-out on life. I'll try to make it short...

College: I'm studying Political Science, Anthropology and International Relations. I love it, I really do, but it keeps me depressed to see how this world operates and how little I can actually do about it. But still, I go on believing that somehow I can make a difference, or at least be of use to someone, somewhere.

Two jobs: Since I was little I had to co-parent with my mother. Long story short we are broke and my father was never in the picture. I still can't get over how you can bring someone into this world and completely disregard them and let them fend for themselves, but that's another story.
My mother is no longer able to work so I had to take over the finances. It really gave me an appreciation of what my mother did for me and my little brother for all these years. But really I feel like I'm just a kid playing grownup. I don't have time to do anything but work and study. If quit college I will be stuck in this situation forever, in a dead end job and if I quit my jobs my family will starve.

There's nothing I can really do. This is how the world works. It needs people like me, stuck in an existential hamster wheel to sustain this bs economical/social system. The fact that I understand how it works and why it happens makes it worst. Every day I spend like this, it feels like I'm not living at all, just getting closer to dying.
At college, I have to work twice as hard with generally rich people, who don't have to worry about anything but to pass with a good grade, and that leaves me wondering if everything I'm doing is even worth it. If it weren't for my family (the only meaning I have been able to give to my life) I would have simply just killed myself.

[optimize990h]

Hey lorenaisabel19.

It is good that you can to PsychCentral and you became a member. You will get feedback, you just have to be patient. It is good that you able to discuss how you are feeling. Is there away you can see a therapist? If not, here are some links that will help you find help and ideas to improve your situation.

Work and Careers - Forums at Psych Central
School and Study Issues - Forums at Psych Central
Recession, Layoffs and the Economy - Forums at Psych Central
Coping with Emotions - Forums at Psych Central
Insurance and Finances - Forums at Psych CentralDepression Success Stories - Forums at Psych Central
Depression - Forums at Psych Central
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ort-group.html
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...ours-here.html

[Leed]

Bless your heart ~ I know you feel trapped and overworked and that you have too much responsibility right now. And to be honest, you do. But it's not always going to be this way. You're working towards a wonderful goal, that is going to be to YOUR benefit. Once you have your degree, you CAN find resources to help take care of your Mom. Then you can go out on your own, to live your OWN life. You won't always be strapped taking care of her. And I don't mean that to sound cruel, but you have to be able to live your own life, without having to stay home and take care of her.

So think of this as just being a short term task. It won't be THAT much longer, if you can hold on. In the meantime, focus on your studies and do the very best you can. I know you're overwhelmed at the moment, but in the end things will open up for you and you'll have a great career.

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee