[HockingPastryChef]

There is a co-worker I work with who seems to have resentment build up towards me.

I have told him a couple times when he grabs fries or some sort of fried potato side to not grab them and use tongs. He puts his had right in them when they are being served to residents at this nursing home. When I tell him to stop he freaks out and says I'll fry you up some more. I tell him to use tongs if he wants to eat them.

Then when I ask him for help to do something he looks at me like I'm stupid and talks behind my back like I'm a problem and that its stupid of me asking. Example last week he had grabbed cookie dough I had made up and was saving to bake for the residents down the other wings and he grabbed it for his wing without saying anything. I of course asked around because I didn't know if he had grabbed them or what had happened to them because they disappeared. So yesterday I had asked him when he needed cookies so I can know ahead. He said I don't know how about you look. I told him I would like to know so I know to make some up and he said I don't know and I don't even remember yesterday for that matter you can keep track. I told him I was asking so I can know then walked away. The table he was sitting at he said in a smurky voice "They are cookies big deal". He seems to behave that way to people he doesn't like and says pretty nasty comments time to time about others. He is arrogant.

Trust me I don't take this too personal. Though it does help me to think further into myself so I won't feel too irritated by his behavior.

I want to see what you would suggest. Because I still will work with him some with making desserts for that wing. I am thinking of taking him aside and asking him if there is a problem because I don't like him saying stuff behind my back and about others. I'm sure he don't know that I know that this goes on and maybe he doesn't even realize he behaves this way around others (that it is obvious). He is too insecure to be in reality and doesn't bother to talk with others about issues just talks to others about them. Also maybe talking to him will make him realize that he isn't a victim that I have different thoughts than him.

[likewater]

There are people like that on life. Don't make it a power struggle or who is right or wrong. Remain
upbeat and positive and try to say at least one compliment to him every interaction. If you have a criticism, put it in a sandwich between 2 positives ie, it's great you were thinking about your wing and
provided cookies for them. Next time just let me know so that it doesn't. Dissappoint another wing that was expecting cookies as well. But I recognize you did a very nice thing.

Taking him aside is a good strategy. Since he is arrogant and defensive don't accuse him of anything. Just let him know you know there is a problem and you are approachable to discuss. And also let him know it is not ok to make nasty comments or act snarky when ask a question. Let know you are trying to do your job and you need his cooperation. You sound like you are on the right track.

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