[danmorgan]

I've been graduated from college for a little over a year. In college I had a steady job till I came undone broke down told my boss all my thoughts and had to haven friends help me leave because I couldn't stop sobbing. I'm a bigger guy so it was embarrassing to say the least.

Since them I feel that I'm never happy anywhere I work. Since I got fired/quit I've had 3 jobs and am on number 4. The longest I stayed at one since was a year. The shortest was a month till I broke down again and my wife asked me to leave because she recognizes my signs by now.

Anyway I need to work but no matter what I do I eventually hate. Getting up is as appealing as stabbing a fork in my arm. I've learned my thoughts are never correct about situations. I'm very paranoid and will shut down. I want to quick again when an office job opens up at my old university. My problem is I can't tell anymore whats really a problem or if my mind is creating these problems. I know I'm swinging into to depression again, I ache and sleep all the time I can.

I guess I'm just worried ill screw up by leaving because the second I change job mind will go off its hinges and ill I wind up hating life all over. Any coping skills I can use? Helpful advise? Keep in mind I've been to therapists, studied psychology and am on a tranquilizer to keeps thoughts at bay but its simply not enough anymore.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by danmorgan

Getting up is as appealing as stabbing a fork in my arm.

Have you had your interests and/or aptitudes tested? It sounds like you do not know yourself very well, haven't figured out what really is what you want to do. It could be you would be better working more on your own (instead of with others), in different surroundings.

Maybe go see a testing psychologist or see if your former college/university (if it is nearby) has such tests for alumni as well as current students, etc.

If you feel you actually have misleading thoughts, are seriously paranoid, etc., then I would go see your medical doctor, get a complete physical and then maybe a referral to a psychiatrist and see if maybe cognitive or dialectical behavior therapy might help.