[IhateMe]

Here is my issues,

I feel like a total loser, i hate myself, sometimes i just want to end it, because at the end of the day we all going to die anyways. i dont have anything going for me, and im single with no kids so if im gone then its okay. i'm not leaving anyone behind except my sister who i really care about it. but i think she would be okay too. i have a father who never gives a **** about me since i was 7 years old, and lost my mother at age of 14. Can't find a job, cant continue my education because of money, and dont have any friends. some of the people i knew already settled and have started their families and have a good jobs. here i'm the loser who doesnt have friends, money, or job. just dont know what to do, please help...
29 years old
2 Bachelors
Worked on MBA for a year and stopped
Went to Medical school, and giving up soon
No kids
Never been married

[MissMayer]

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have felt the same way before, but have no higher education. I am impressed by what you've accomplished so far but can see it means little to you because you feel terribly unfulfilled. Is there someone you can talk to? Anyone? Even a help hotline may help you just to get through this terrible hump. Sometimes just venting to a real person can give you perspective. Then, write down something, ANYthing that gives you some relief or joy. My point is to distract you long enough to get you through this phase until you can take steps to take action to help you heal. You have some education (I'm very envious) under your belt. Nobody can take that away from you. There are many people who have gone through what you are going through (including myself), and come out better for it. Good luck, my prayers are with you. Peace, Love & Light.

[Perna]

When I was 34ish, I lived in a studio apartment in Washington, D.C. and had a very inappropriate boyfriend 20 years older who was ditching me and remember one night walking from the bus toward my apartment building at dusk, lights in people's apartments were coming on and my imagination got going.

I started thinking about what I wished I had (loving husband, house in the country, 2 Irish setters (before I knew how "stupid" they are :-) a pair of wing chairs in front of a blazing fire (it was Fall) and the loving husband and I were sitting reading books and conversing and I was feeling warm, loved, cared-for, etc.

I then thought about my apartment, where I had twice been given notice I was a "health hazard" and would be evicted if I didn't clean up my act, I'd lived there 13 years and was quite sure I'd die there, I'd been in therapy 5-6 years but not much good was happening and suddenly my whole life, the divide between what I wanted and what I had and felt I was likely to have blew up in my face and I started to sob, right there on Connecticut Avenue, one of the better/"richer" areas of Washington, with people around me living a life I so badly thought I wanted. Nothing was ever going to get better, it couldn't.

However, it did. My boyfriend totally wouldn't take my calls, let me come over to his place, nothing and I went into a dully, lifeless depression; he was my first love. I had changed jobs about the same time so I had a new job that was more interesting than my last one (I had been without a job, trying to make it as a free-lancer for a year and a half; my income had dropped by about half, my therapist and everyone else was dunning me for unpaid bills) but it too started to get mundane in just the 4-5 months I had worked there. Then, I met the man I married and my life started to turn around and move toward my dreams.

Looking back at nearly 63 years now, I can see that I could not see when and how things would be good/bad. I favored my imagination (still do) too much and let it get carried away with the future instead of working toward what I wanted, knowing it takes time. I did not use my courage and other good characteristics to help me with my relationship with others, but stuck with myself and let my anxieties rule (if you are going to be afraid anyway, why not "go for it"?).

Long story short; it took about 35-36 years to start to "get it". I am very glad I am a stubborn, persistent little so-and-so and found the right combination of loved one, therapist, friends and, eventually, job (literally made for me) and education, family, etc.

I recommend it highly (keep working on looking for/finding/getting what you want) and, for me, it was totally worth it. As painful as the first 35 years were, I'd still do them again to get to who I am now.