[HockingPastryChef]

Today I had felt hurt at work after I was told to do a task. My supervisor/sous chef had taken over. I when up to her and told her that I could take the last bit of the task. She said no I am fine I do not need help. I told her I was responsible for it. She repeated it again. I told her that I was not ok with it and felt left out because it was my responsibility. She ended up doing it all. I had walked away and worked on no letting it get to me.

I had later talked to the lady that helps out with events and does our schedules. She talks to the manager quite often and the other supervisor in another kitchen. I had asked her if there was a better way of talking to the sous chef. She had told me that she most likely thought I was nervous because they think that I am nervous quite often due to that I ask questions. Which that doesn't make sense to me. I told her that I ask questions to get what I'm suppose to do more clearly stated in my head. She said well you seem nervous considering for example when we ask you to do a cake you sigh which she over exaggerated what I do normally; I do sigh though because normally they ask me when I have many other tasks piled on. They ask me why do you stress you get it all done. I tell them yes because I overwork myself do to the many tasks.

I notice when I speak to my boss he seems rather hesitant around me. A lot of times he makes a joke around me and then says I'm just kidding right then and there. I don't do anything to make him nervous. My boss can be difficult time to time do to this behavior. The last time he made a joke to me I didn't respond right there and then because I didn't hear him correctly. He says what you don't understand jokes now and walked away before I could say anything. Which I would of told him I didn't hear him.

I wanted to speak to him tomorrow about me being nervous and say "when I ask questions I am wanting the facts clearly stated in my head before I go and do a task that I do not do often. I want you to know that I am not as nervous as you think, I've got to do these task to get better at them." Though I would state this more clearly to him after I say "I want to ask you a question. When I ask questions about an event I see that you tell me to not be nervous and that everything will be fine. Do you think that I am overwhelmed?" Oh I had to edit because I was also thinking of asking him how he thinks I am doing my job too, along with the situation.

Which I told him earlier in a discussion him and I one on one that I will ask him when I need help and what things clearly stated. It's almost like he is afraid of me. I do not know though. They say that I am uncertain quite often, though I think it is 50/50 because I see nothing wrong with it. I find it helpful into having a wider mind and not knowing everything. I do know most of the time when I do want something though.

My question is what are your opinions? Let this one go or speak to him and let him know what he thinks isn't all the correct.

[lsamson]

Hey HockingPastryChef,

I think that you should talk to your boss about what you were saying just so you can clear things up.

But afterwards, if everything is fine, don't take things so seriously. If your boss wants to do a job that you messed up ask her if she needs help, but if she says no just drop it because you'll only end up annoying her.

Also try not to sigh at work because some people may look at that as disrespectful. If you seriously feel like you have too many jobs to do tell them that calmly and they should understand.

It is good to ask questions but don't ask stupid questions. My mother used to own a pizza restaurant and she always got really annoyed when the staff asked a lot of stupid questions. So ask questions but try to make them concise and use your common sense a bit. Remember that your boss is busy also and a lot of silly questions will probably get on their nerves.

As for being nervous around your boss, just try to act casual with him. Crack a few jokes every now and then, tell some stories when it is not busy. Just make him feel comfortable.

I hope that helps a bit.

Cheers

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by lsamson

Hey HockingPastryChef,

I think that you should talk to your boss about what you were saying just so you can clear things up.

But afterwards, if everything is fine, don't take things so seriously. If your boss wants to do a job that you messed up ask her if she needs help, but if she says no just drop it because you'll only end up annoying her.

Also try not to sigh at work because some people may look at that as disrespectful. If you seriously feel like you have too many jobs to do tell them that calmly and they should understand.

It is good to ask questions but don't ask stupid questions. My mother used to own a pizza restaurant and she always got really annoyed when the staff asked a lot of stupid questions. So ask questions but try to make them concise and use your common sense a bit. Remember that your boss is busy also and a lot of silly questions will probably get on their nerves.

As for being nervous around your boss, just try to act casual with him. Crack a few jokes every now and then, tell some stories when it is not busy. Just make him feel comfortable.

I hope that helps a bit.

Cheers

Ok thanks for your comment.

I do tell them that I understand that I do sigh and have told them that I do have several tasks as is, they think that I am nervous because of that apparently.

Also I didn't make it clear that my manager and sous chef/supervisor are two different people.

I am not nervous around my boss that much. Though I ask questions quite often because I have a hearing disability; many times words don't register clearly so I need to repeat. I have explained this to my manager before and he still doesn't seem to understand what I had told him.

He seems to get nervous around me. I do act normal most of the time; I get worn out at the end of the day most days and don't have much to say. I just get my work done. It's do to my disability and plus I know it's normal not knowing what to respond back all the time. Though I talk to him about things that are going on and he doesn't say much back in the first place and I ask him about his day or whatever. I think I need to realize it's not just me.

I plan on asking him first about me asking questions and then explain I need to understand clearly and that I had discussed it with him before.

[lsamson]

Hmm, maybe it is them then. Maybe they just are not that comfortable around you for some reason.

How long have you been working there?

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by lsamson

Hmm, maybe it is them then. Maybe they just are not that comfortable around you for some reason.

How long have you been working there?

I can be quiet too, though I don't see anything wrong with that when I am there getting my work done.

I know I can get drained because quite a few people there complain about others quite often and I need to speak up more at times. They need to go to managers if they have that big of an issue with someone or tell them somehow on how I don't need to hear it when I'm working without it sounding awful; more in a compassionate way. Or speak up for the other person they speak of.

The lady that does the schedules had told me before that they do not trust too many people that work there. I feel I need to watch out for that, when it seems like quite a few assume. I hear employees complaining about them often too. Though I do think that our manager doesn't realize that his jokes aren't that funny because it's more of him making fun of others. Though some can be funny when it isn't aimed at others sarcastically.

A story that I think about often that I heard: A lady I don't work with that is in the food department; I see her at lunch said her brother had died and she was crying because she got a call at work. Our manager went up to her and said after you are done with that get to work. She said no I am going home and went home. <-- this is something I heard from her. I got ticked off at this story. I don't understand why someone would say that and maybe there was more to it.

I also thought about it could be just the schedule lady who thinks this; there is quite a bit of miscommunication. So I think it maybe best to speak to my manager again; ask him if that's what he thinks and he could of forgotten the discussion that we had nearly a year ago. If he still acts like that after this discussion I will just do my work in the mean time. I am planning on finding another job soon; hopefully by spring.

I have worked there for over a year and a half too.

[lsamson]

That seems quite complicated but have trust in your decision and if he still acts how he is after your conversation I agree that you may need to get a new job.

I hope everything goes well for you

[Vossie42]

I have a hearing disability, too, and it took me years to train my bosses and coworkers how to communicate with me effectively. People often feel awkward around those with disabilities because they don't know how to act. I educate them, and they forget. It's an ongoing process; nothing to get upset about or take personally but you do have to constantly educate people on how to communicate effectively with you. Just keep reminding people to face you when speaking, don't cover their mouth, etc. I ask a lot of questions, too, to be sure that I heard the instructions correctly. I also write down the instructions as I am quite forgetful. I do try to ask all of my questions in one go. I've found that constant questions annoy people, because they interrupt their work flow.

At best, your boss sounds like a jerk and your coworkers sound like they don't have much emotional maturity if they're constantly complaining about other behind their backs. I wouldn't have much to say in that environment either. Doesn't sound healthy.

Working in a noisy kitchen must be so exhausting in and of itself. Kudos to you for a job well done. It sounds like they give you stuff to do since you're the one that can get it done. Good luck with the ob search. It'll be worth it!

[HockingPastryChef]

Thanks for your guys help. I'll see what happens and I will not get angry around him.

[HockingPastryChef]

Originally Posted by lsamson

That seems quite complicated but have trust in your decision and if he still acts how he is after your conversation I agree that you may need to get a new job.

I hope everything goes well for you

From what you are say; to have trust in my decision so that I will be calm and ready to speak is what I am taking it as.

Thank you!