[Alitim]

I'm upset with myself. When faced with situations where I should be loyal, I often spill the beans to protect my own interests or to put the blame on someone else. Then I feel terrible about it. There was a situation at work. I was going to take a whole bunch of students to the staff hockey game, a coworker who I like very much didn't think it was fair that I would be handling all of those kids, the other two teachers who classes I was taking have a reputation for being kind of selfish. So, my coworker went and told the office what was happening and the two teachers got an ear full for not taking their own students. One of them came to me in tears and said "how did anyone even know you were taking them?" Instead of saying "I don't know," I told her that my coworker might have said something. Nw I feel like a total backstabber and I'm really mad at myself for saying that. I do this kind of stuff.
I don't know if I should go to my coworker and apologize and tell her that I ratted her out. I don't want to hurt her but I already did the wrong thing by her. If someone came to me and told me something like tat I wouldn't be able to trust them. I feel really untrustworthy, even though I do consider myself to be a very nice, kind, generous person, I do find that in times where I feel I need to protect myself or when I don't want people to be mad at me I am not loyal and I hate myself for this

[anna_goth27]

You sound exactly like me. Except most of the time when I do it, I don't intend to do it. It just happens out of nervousness/excitement. I know it's not easy (my coworker is not always the easiest to talk to because she could easily chew me up and spit me out), but if your apology is sincere and in your heart you know you didn't mean to hurt anyone, then that is all that should matter.

And even if that doesn't help, know there is somebody here who understands you and is here for you