[winterglen]

I got utterly stuck on a job application because it asked for three references.

I hate this question. It's basically saying I have to prove I haven't screwed up my life so much that I can't ask for favors from three people I know. I've long since used up the number of favors a reasonable person should have.

I'm trying to get a job so I can become more of a contributor and less of a taker, and immediately I'm being asked to do some more taking in order to get this job and become a contributor.

I shouldn't have let myself become so lazy and selfish, and now I'm paying the price.

[gnat]

Few positions actually contact references. In case they do, perhaps approach those whom you have taken from and explain to them as you have on here, you're ready to quit being a taker and need to get a job. Good luck.

[lostsoul2013]

Hugs winterglen

I can sympathise as I've had a lot of jobs and used up most of my favours and start to panic when I have to fill out that question on job applications. Do you have a family friend or neighbour who could vouch for your character? Another suggestion is to maybe do some voluntary work you enjoy. It doesn't have to be a full time role, just a few hours a week could help build your confidence and get yourself a reference to get the job you want.

Take care
x

[Espresso]

I hate it too. They might check the references more than you think. My husband was a manager at an office, and he has gotten numerous calls from jobs after people had listed him as a reference.

[Melodic]

The need for references definitely sucks.. I spend much of my efforts/thoughts/concerns on how to make someone like me and see that I am a good worker/person so that they can become a reliable referee. What I did (and I'm screwing up already, but it was accidental anyway) was I ended up getting music lessons, and was so reliable with them that I ended up putting my music teacher as a referee for a volunteering position. Subsequently I now am putting my effort into maintaining rapport and consistency with the volunteer manager so they can be a referee for something else down the track. Unfortunately I am uncomfortable with the boss/manager at my casual job so I refuse to use them if I can help it.

If it's not possible to do that sort of thing, it may be necessary to distort the truth a bit and maybe get a few friends/family to vouch for you initially. I'm not sure if you have a moral objection to this, but it would be a start.