[live2ski66]

I just read the post "not Fitting In" and had a thought based on a couple of statements made.

When I'm at work, I'm there to work, not to chit chat, socialize, gossip, click in, whatever. I've gotten the impression that people don't find me a team player, they find me stand offish, and maybe they think I feel superior to them. Oh, and the avoid me in general, even when I initiate the interaction. I don't usually attend "mandatory fun" functions, like holiday parties. I'm a very private person and would like to keep it that way. I've also have been bitten in the butt more than once the few times I tried to have more than an arms length professional relationship with a co-worker.

Do you think this is a characteristic of those of us with mental health challenges? I was diagnosed with Cyclothymia/BP2 and MDD 14 years ago. Looking back at the 14 years and the therapy approach my PDoc took as well as a review of my actions and behaviors during that timeframe and before, I think I'm more BPD than Cyclothymia/BP2.

Any thoughts? How much damage, if any, are we doing to ourselves? Have you experienced this and discovered coping methods you would like to share?

Thanks in advance!

[IceCreamKid]

I think there is a difference between not being a social butterfly and not being a team player.

Your question would be a good one to discuss with your PDoc.

I don't necessarily think they go together but there are common characteristics to different disorders. You can make that to your advantage though. Autistic people being more comfortable with objects. I read the other day that Silicon Valley has an unusually high number of autistic people. Programming is an ideal job for autistic. That doesn't mean there are bipolar people who can't do the job if they are in the right environment.

I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to seek a career/company/job that suits your work style. A company that wants everyone to partake in company social events is probably not the best place if you want to put in your hours and go home. Start ups are most often very social. It doesn't mean you are a bad team member but if you are not into the socialization you probably won't succeed for very long.

I am a lot like you in that I want to put in my 40 and do my other stuff. I am a very focused worker. In my last job the team I was on was not required to work ot but is was part of the culture. They played ping pong or fooz ball every 2 hours or so and then stayed the extra hours. I did not fit in at all. Ironically our boss was more like me but it didn't matter because it was a team culture. As a manager you don't really want to force change if it is working. They were productive. It just wasn't my style so I moved on.

I have worked in companies doing the same career that suited my style so the career was a good choice. It's the company I have to be picky about.

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[live2ski66]

I don't necessarily want to do my 40 and go home. I will do what it takes to get the job done right the first time. Back in the day if IT, there were many mornings I would show up at 4am to revise a login script written by someone who was famous for speed but multiple errors. My goal was that by 7:30am when my clients showed up for work, they would be able to log in smoothly and be happy. I was never asked (or recognized) by management for my efforts. It must bug me because I write about it, but in reality the ones that mattered were the clients and as long as they were happy with my efforts and could conduct business smoothly, I was happy putting in the time.

As for a social butterfly, that was my nickname in college. After my divorce, I carried the "party phone". I socialized with past and current colleagues. I always had a difficult time with vertical socializing vs horizontal. There seems to be a trend in the workplace that by vertical social integration the boss has the opportunity to "become one of the group". I don't believe it is genuine and possible. The boss has to be able to make the tough decisions, and sometimes it ends up hurting feelings.

But I'm rambling..... Not in the best space

Some companies are fine with letting you do what you want. Others want that connection. The deal is you aren't going to change the company. So if that socializing is important to them or not socializing is important to you your going to be happier in a company with similar work ethic to yourself. You have to weigh what is best for you right now. Just keep in mind whether what they are doing is productive or not, it isn't something you can change.

What I'm saying related to your question is it doesn't really matter if your work style is do to MI. You can make it an asset in the right environment.

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[CantExplain]

I don't think that being introverted is necessarily a mental health issue.

[hvert]

The 'mandatory fun' drives me crazy as well, especially in a small company. I have made some very good friendships with coworkers, but we weren't bonding during company outings. In hindsight, I wish I had not been so resistant to those sorts of things -- it just made me look weird and not fit in.

I find it funny that I looked forward to going to my boyfriend's company Christmas party this year, but I used to moan endlessly about being forced to go to my own company's party!

[Strive4health]

It could also just be a characteristic of introversion and taking your job seriously. I'm actually the same way; I'm there to work and be productive and not become everyone's friend. Besides, becoming friends can be a bad thing since the workplace is also about competition.

[anna_goth27]

Originally Posted by Strive4health

It could also just be a characteristic of introversion and taking your job seriously. I'm actually the same way; I'm there to work and be productive and not become everyone's friend. Besides, becoming friends can be a bad thing since the workplace is also about competition.

Yeah, that is a lesson I have now learnt the hard way. About getting too close to a co-worker, because in the end it just worked out badly for both.

I am going to be transferring soon and I am afraid of how I should approach my new co-workers. The bigger part of me is starting to think that keeping my distance will probably best, so as not to get burned again. I think what makes situations problematic for me ARE the issues I have, because not everyone is willing to try and understand you. Most people just want to judge you based on what they know is true for them, and not necessarily what is outside their reality. That is very unfortunate because some of us really do want to fit in despite our problems, and want to feel like there is some place of refuge inside the workplace, which of course means, having a good friend.

[BitaDitaDoo]

I say, you must be one tough cookie. I like that characteristic, my sister is the same way. You're not stand-offish, more assertive and have strong work ethics. You take the initiative to get things done efficiently. Warn you though, don't overwork yourself. People can often be intimidated by someone who comes off as strong or may have jealousy issues. It sounds like your performance is top notch and that may be why some of your colleagues shun you away. I have BP as well too and I believe being a perfectionist is a trait.

[Marshellette]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I don't think that being introverted is necessarily a mental health issue.

People today see it as one with all the big personalities out there. I got fired for being too shy.

[Strive4health]

Originally Posted by Marshellette

People today see it as one with all the big personalities out there. I got fired for being too shy.

That's just terrible. You could have been productive and working well above the bare minimum but now personality takes precedence over all of that. I've learned a lot of employers don't seem to appreciate hard work. It's all about who is whose friend. I thought I left high school!!