[kjv2acts]

Hello. I am new to all of this. I want to try to get a conversation going among those of us who cannot work because our conditions and rituals make it impossible to thrive or even be reliable in a business setting. I was a paralegal and mediator for over 20 years and I was very good at my job. But the disorder of my bosses and coworkers made me increasingly anxious until I began to have panic attacks while getting ready for work. I had to quit. A few months later I tried again. This time I lasted only a year, but I was a wreck at home. I had to leave again. The last time I tried was the last time I tried. Now I seldom leave the house, never alone.

Can you relate? Tell me your story. You'll get nothing but support from me.

From my heart to yours, L

Hi kjv2acts, I worked as a full-time attorney, then part time with my own practice doing social security disability appeals. I had to close my practice last fall because it wasn't flourishing. I became severely depressed last early August and finally landed a job doing data entry, but I was too overwhelmed and they ended up firing me. That was about 6 weeks ago.

Just today, I realized I am so bored and lonely at home that I must try to find another job. I made a couple of contacts this morning relating to 2 paralegal job openings that I know of. I don't think I could work as an attorney at this time, but I think I may be up for paralegal work.

I can relate to the inability to work. With this depression, I'm not confident that I have it in me to work, but I'm willing to give it a shot to improve my quality of life. Best wishes to you.

[kjv2acts]

Originally Posted by newgal2

Hi kjv2acts, I worked as a full-time attorney, then part time with my own practice doing social security disability appeals. I had to close my practice last fall because it wasn't flourishing. I became severely depressed last early August and finally landed a job doing data entry, but I was too overwhelmed and they ended up firing me. That was about 6 weeks ago.

Just today, I realized I am so bored and lonely at home that I must try to find another job. I made a couple of contacts this morning relating to 2 paralegal job openings that I know of. I don't think I could work as an attorney at this time, but I think I may be up for paralegal work.

I can relate to the inability to work. With this depression, I'm not confident that I have it in me to work, but I'm willing to give it a shot to improve my quality of life. Best wishes to you.

I hope you weren't offended when I said how hard it is to work for attorneys. And the clients! I worked domestic for most of those years and I loved it. I can draft pleadings in my sleep. But the OCD won. Good luck.

Originally Posted by kjv2acts

I hope you weren't offended when I said how hard it is to work for attorneys. And the clients! I worked domestic for most of those years and I loved it. I can draft pleadings in my sleep. But the OCD won. Good luck.

No worries, I wasn't offended at all!

[kjv2acts]

Can I please ask what the saphris and fetizma do for you? We're working on adjusting my meds because I'm getting worse after 8 years on Clomipramine.

Originally Posted by kjv2acts

Can I please ask what the saphris and fetizma do for you? We're working on adjusting my meds because I'm getting worse after 8 years on Clomipramine.

Well, I take the saphris only because it helps me sleep (along with trazadone and Xanax). Regarding the fetizma, it's a newer antidepressant. I've only been on it a week or so, so I think it's a little too early to tell if it'll help. I sure hope so because my depression has been severely limiting my functioning.

Can I ask what you do with your time now that you're not working? I find it hard to fill the days with any activities that improve my mood.

[sleepweaver]

Hi there. Although technically not your target demographic, as I am still getting my butt to work, I am barely functional when there. I was off for 3 months a couple years back because of my depression, I did go back, and tolerated fairly well until the last few months. Now my performance has drastically declined, and I don't know what to do.

[Dix888]

I totally relate. I have OCD, seizures & bipolar/mostly manias. For years, I was a great worker with compliments from my supervisors. But I'd get paranoid feelings that "everyone" was against me. So I'd walk off good jobs. I was able to get a new job very quickly (often in that same day!) But as time went on, my symptoms got worse. I just could not concentrate on my work, too much paranoia & the OCD over-taking my life. Then, a head injury exacerbated the seizures & manias. My neurologist told me I had to quit working. It was a shock (I was 55) after working since age 15. But now I am in a good place. A member of 3 writing groups, have met some wonderfully creative people. I do get that "can't go outside alone" thing. It's frustrating. I used to be super independent. If I can force myself out, I enjoy walks in nature. But it's difficult. All my best to you!!

Originally Posted by kjv2acts

Hello. I am new to all of this. I want to try to get a conversation going among those of us who cannot work because our conditions and rituals make it impossible to thrive or even be reliable in a business setting. I was a paralegal and mediator for over 20 years and I was very good at my job. But the disorder of my bosses and coworkers made me increasingly anxious until I began to have panic attacks while getting ready for work. I had to quit. A few months later I tried again. This time I lasted only a year, but I was a wreck at home. I had to leave again. The last time I tried was the last time I tried. Now I seldom leave the house, never alone.

Can you relate? Tell me your story. You'll get nothing but support from me.

From my heart to yours, L

[GalacticaActual]

I've had tons of jobs over the years but I end up becoming extremely depressed or paranoid and it up quiting out of the blue. I'm currently unemployed for this vary reason. Not sure what to do about it other than starting and quiting jobs after a year or so.

[kjv2acts]

Can I ask what you do with your time now that you're not working? I find it hard to fill the days with any activities that improve my mood.

My friend, you are not going to want to take tips from me, but here is how I spend my time:

I alphabetize. Yes, books, CDs, music like a lot of us. My 4-foot, three-shelved spice rack is alphabetized. That just makes sense, right? Once a week I empty all the spice bottles and hand wash them with a baby bottle brush then run them through the dishwasher. I check the freshness and potency of the seasonings, seeds and spices by hand-grinding a sampling in a mortar and pestle. If they're fresh, they go back in the clean bottles and are organized on the 12 feet of allocated space. The "less than peak" spices go into my stew pot and simmer for hours along with aromatics (carrots, celery leaves, garlic, ginger, lemon, onion, shallots --chopped in that order)and vegetable stock. I freeze it pint-sized freezer containers for a brine or sauce starter. I love to cook so these stages are labors of love. I then start on my pantry, Great Northern Beans before Green Beans, Orzo before spaghetti. Then every item in the fridge and in the deep-freezer. Closets: All I wear is purple, Aubergine, Eggplant, Lavender, Plum. I wash colors before whites, socks before underwear. OTC medications on one row in alpha order, Rx on the next. So you'd think my house would be spotless and organized. But it's not. I spend so much time doing all those things, when do I have time to scrub a toilet? And it gets worse. I lie down for the night and the spinning doubts start. I just put all the peppers together: Arbols, Black, Black Peppercorns, Cayenne, Pink Peppercorns, Red Flakes, White....But it nags and nags at me. "The Arbols should be under the 'A's; Cayenne with 'C's. So I get up and "fix it". I mean, clearly all of the peppers should be together, but I'm ill.

Sometime, if you still want to know, I'll tell you how much time I spend counting and forcing things to resolve in multiples of 6. Or checking, or rituals. Feel very much better about your job search. And do not let this diatribe scare you away. I'm usually not this verbose. L, L