[Mustkeepjob32]

Hello all,

First of all, this post is mostly a vent but I would like to hear that there are others without a car or unable to drive.
I live in Tijuana and in many ways that's good. Things are compact here and fairly close to one another. For instance, today we went grocery shopping. That required us to walk 3/4 a mile part of it uphill. It was tiring but at least it got done.
I'm starting a new contract job in the States in a couple weeks. I don't have a car so I will be taking Greyhound from the San Diego area to the Los Angeles area. Then I will have to figure out a way to get to the Extended Stay. I will be taking the bus to work every day. I already looked up how to do that and it seems pretty straight forward.
I am anxious to be taking this job, I've lost all the others. I hope this one I overcome my fears and am able to do it. The thing is, at one time I had a car and even so wasn't able to do jobs.
I need to be successful at this job because my parents have said that they'll only be able to send me money for about another year. I feel so guilty that they've been supporting me when I have two hands and two legs to work. It's just been so difficult.
I am overweight, and while that's nothing new, it seems I gained even more weight earlier this year. I believe it was due to a temporary med change to Olanzapine. At least I have a great pdoc.
I seem to have so many negatives that I think would make anyone feel like it's just too hard to do. Am I just weak?
I've lost all my previous jobs so to actually think I'll be successful at this one is kind of amazing. My parents don't really ever think I'll be able to do it as I've let them down so many times. But I can't just give up can I?

[kaliope]

when you have mental health issues sometimes things can be challenging. some times you have to work harder to face challenges and even then you aren't going to be successful. but you are right. you can never give up. you have to keep trying. good luck at your new job.

[scooterb]

Dear ZMAN. I related completely with your post. I have 2 months left on my temporary disability and don't have a great track record with my last two employers. It seems like I can hold a job for a year and then I sort of crash and burn. I miss work from more than average illness, (Migraines) and some days my mental illness gets the upper hand and I just can't function.
I don't have a car at present and I'm enjoying the lack of responsibility and money that a car entails. I use the walk to the bus as a form of exercise - I too have gained weight from medication - and I use the time on the bus to read and listen to music.
It sounds like you're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself, something else I can relate to, and encourage you to take it one day at a time. Do the best you can and then leave the results alone.
I'll end with this...develop the strongest support system you can put together. It sounds like you're on the right track with a good Psychiatrist. I'm lucky to have a good one, too. I also see a therapist weekly, go to community support groups that target particular issues I want to heal, I journal, meditate and am a member of a 12 step organization.
My fear is how to explain the gaps in my employment history when I start interviewing. I get tired of developing a "script" to cover those non-functional periods and wish I could just be honest, (however that won't be happening.)
I hope it makes you feel better to know you're not the only one worrying about performance and anxiety.
Hang in there...scooterb AKA: Lisa

[Mustkeepjob32]

Thank you so much for your replies.

It's good to know that others do not have cars and are also battling with job issues. I do think I put a lot on myself but I want to get better so that's why I do it.
I really have been giving a lot of thought to just "letting the anxiety come" and not fighting it. It's terrifying not to fight it but maybe if I just let it ride, I'll go to work and eventually the anxiety will subside a little until the next time.

[sans]

I relate to all that you are saying. I have been on the job roller coaster for many years, trying to balance being a single mom and supporting my family. My thoughts are just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and don't give up. I am amazed when i read all the posts, and see the interesting career moves that our group gets into. It shows me that even with illness and various other roadblocks, we are so darn capable and creative when need be.
Keeping you in positive thoughts for it to flow smoothly.

[lacerta]

For quite a long time I did not have car and took a bus to work. I actually enjoyed it, as I did not have to worry about paying for car, cleaning it from snow in the winter. I can listen to mediations from iPod on my way to work. Socialise in bus with my coworkers sometimes.
Will keep my fingers crossed for you to have a good start at the new job.

[Mustkeepjob32]

I know I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and not let anxiety get the better of me. That's a good idea to listen to meditations while I'm on the bus. I have some on my phone.

[jenniy122]

I don't/never drive and have had various jobs in my life. When I live(d) with my parents (before college and now) family gets me to work, or for my job that's only 3 miles from my house I bike or walk if not working late or when it's hot/raining. When I was in college and lived in a major city, Chicago, I bussed everywhere including to work. After a couple trial I was totally comfortable navagating the city via bus. I was dismissed from my last job and I can understand how that messes with you mentally, it took me 3 years to get back into the workforce and I was terrified, but it gets better the longer you stick with it. And you're absolutely right, you can't give up! Give it your all! And never think you're weak, you just have more challenges than most people.

[Mustkeepjob32]

Thanks again for all your posts. I'm kind of having one of those days where I feel like I won't be able to handle the job. I hope this feeling passes.

[Justin38]

Originally Posted by scooterb

Dear ZMAN. I related completely with your post. I have 2 months left on my temporary disability and don't have a great track record with my last two employers. It seems like I can hold a job for a year and then I sort of crash and burn. I miss work from more than average illness, (Migraines) and some days my mental illness gets the upper hand and I just can't function.
I don't have a car at present and I'm enjoying the lack of responsibility and money that a car entails. I use the walk to the bus as a form of exercise - I too have gained weight from medication - and I use the time on the bus to read and listen to music.
It sounds like you're putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself, something else I can relate to, and encourage you to take it one day at a time. Do the best you can and then leave the results alone.
I'll end with this...develop the strongest support system you can put together. It sounds like you're on the right track with a good Psychiatrist. I'm lucky to have a good one, too. I also see a therapist weekly, go to community support groups that target particular issues I want to heal, I journal, meditate and am a member of a 12 step organization.
My fear is how to explain the gaps in my employment history when I start interviewing. I get tired of developing a "script" to cover those non-functional periods and wish I could just be honest, (however that won't be happening.)
I hope it makes you feel better to know you're not the only one worrying about performance and anxiety.
Hang in there...scooterb AKA: Lisa

Can I ask a question there bud What's temporary disability I have seen others type about it But I don't know what it is any info would be appricated

[scooterb]

Originally Posted by Justin38

Can I ask a question there bud What's temporary disability I have seen others type about it But I don't know what it is any info would be appricated

SDI or temporary disability is short term disability usually ranging from 3 months to 1 year. It can be extended I've heard this year. SDI accrues as you work - so you can only be on SDI as long as you have money to cover it.

Personally, I'm coming up on my year and I have no extra money in my account so I have to get a full time job to keep me housed and fed. My monthly bills top $1000.00+ so it's scary for someone with a mental illness to know that I have to go out and get a job that can take care of all my bills. Trying to keep my anxiety under control...
Scooterb