[MooseintheReeds]

Background:
I was fired/left my old company in January do to a misunderstanding that led to my coworkers mobbing me as they thought I had done something wrong at work (ie stealing equipment). I didn't but I was unable to prove my innocence and ended up leaving. I work in the medical industry but not with patients

I was recently hired for a three week Locum Tenens position at a very prestigious company that I would love to work for. While I realize the position has no chance of evolving into a permanent job, I want to give my best effort so that I have the possibility to come back in the future.

At the same time I was hired for the temp position I was also interviewing for a perm position in the area I am living. It was a nice company, I liked the staff that I met, and it had good growth potential. They tentatively talked about a starting date around the end of my temp position so I was hopeful things would work out.
I was somewhat nervous about the position because one of that I was fired from.

Unfortunately, when I emailed the lab manager about my change in availability she informed me that they had chosen a different candidate. When I read the email emotions welled up inside me some about the incident at the old company and how I could have handled it better or where I went wrong and some at the continued instability I would have after completing this temporary contract.

I sobbed so hard I ended up vomiting all over my living room.

I am scheduled to fly out to the temp site on Memorial day morning to start work bright and early on Tuesday. I keep wondering if I am in over my head with this job as they expect a lot from me and I am anxious I won't be able to deliver at the speed and quality that they need from me. I am a type A and a bit of a perfectionist so I realize some of this anxiety is coming from my thoughts. However, I also realize that this company is set up different from where I have worked previously and there is a chance that I will sink and not swim in this role.

I keep remembering insults thrown at me by my former coworkers about my character and my intelligence. I realize a lot of it came from an element of frustration, poor communication, and misinterpretation but I can't help but take some of the comments to heart. For instance, I was called an "asshole". And I keep going over it in my head wondering if there is substance to the accusation.

I've been told I think too highly of strangers opinions of myself and that due to low self esteem I don't think highly enough of myself. But I don't want to be the asshole people deal with in life.

I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER for this job. I can't be sobbing at work or having panic attacks. I have my meds but I need any suggestions/input/help I can get from the beautiful people here so that I can be in the right frame of mind to succeed at this job so I can pay my bills.

Please, any help or comment I would take gratefully.

[CANDC]

MooseintheReeds,
I am sorry you had an unfortunate situation at your last job. It sounds like your reactions to the accusations only fueled the fire.

It would be wonderful to make this 3 week temp job and have a success on your resume.

So I use this regularly to still my mind and emotions. If you are looking for something complicated, this isn't it. It is so simple a child could do it. That is the problem with humans, they make things complicated. You can start practicing now so when you get on the job you will have confidence of keeping your emotions in check.

Breathing exercise
If you are feeling very anxious or angry or just want to calm down, you can try a breathing exercise that takes the attention away from the trigger of anxiety to a simple tool of counting breaths.

Find a comfortable position seated or la[/quote]ying down. Begin to relax your breathing. Silently count 1 on the inhale, and two on the exhale. Then silently count 3 on the inhale and 4 on the exhale. Continue up to 10 or until you lose the count then return to one. No judgement. I sometimes end up at 18 then smile and return to 1. The idea is to focus on the breath and the counting and not get sucked into the anxiety or anger trigger. Also works to quiet the mind.

Maybe you are not eating the right foods. It helps me to stay stable to avoid sugar, starches and carbos, alcohol, recreatiional meds. I eat high protein lo carb diet either vegetable or animal, your choice with 3-4 hour snacks and meals. I keep roasted unsalted almonds and cashews with me for a quick pick me up. This also helps me get my emotions under control.

Yoga, exercise, mindfulness practice (like using the counting of the breath) and sleeping enough help me.

Feel free to PM me or others.

[pegasus]

Hello MooseintheReeds.

The fact is that you were bullied in your last job and that is bound to have affected your self-esteem, no one deserves to be called an asshole. Thank goodness you have managed to get this temp job. Just remember that it is natural to feel anxious when starting a new job (employers know this) and if it turns out to be awful, well then you can remind yourself it is only for three weeks. The experience of doing the temp job will look good on your resume/CV. Good luck!

[hvert]

I would remind myself that it is only three weeks - somehow knowing the end date makes the stress more tolerable. Good luck!