[winterglen]

Once again I had my boss call in and ask if I was supposed to come in today. I'm 90% sure I was supposed to have the day off, but I've been wrong about this before.

At my work place, the schedule is constantly changing, and we have like three different schedules floating around at the same time. (We have a small staff, so if one person can't make it one day, they have to rearrange for someone else to come in at that time.)

Usually when I work on Saturday, I have a couple of weekdays off that week. Usually those days are Tuesday and Thursday, but I'm supposed to run an event on Friday, so I thought I would be working Friday instead of Thursday. That was what the schedule on the board said all of last week and on Tuesday, but yesterday that schedule was missing so I'm sure when I come in tomorrow, the schedule will say I was supposed to come in today.

I came in Tuesday, when I wasn't supposed to, and my coworker informed me that I wasn't scheduled that day. Good, because I got to go home early. Bad, because it's a 45 minute commute each way, so driving in every day regardless of whether or not I'm scheduled to work isn't the best option. Plus, I know if I had taken the trouble to drive in, the calendars would have magically said I wasn't supposed to work that day.

I grew up being told over and over that if I make one mistake at work, that was enough to get me fired. That I would get a reputation of being unreliable, and nobody else on earth would want to hire me because I'm unreliable. They'd just hire one of the many, many other people (probably my ultra perfectionist classmates) who are not total f***ups, while I end up homeless because I can't manage a simple schedule.

This never happens to successful people. They never worry about messing up or failing. I wish it were that simple for me, but I guess I'm too stupid and lazy, and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to change that.

[unbreakablej]

I totally understand how you feel.

I could barely keep track of my schedules. Despite having 3 calendars. And in my profession, meeting deadlines and being reliable is so important. I feel like every day is a huge struggle. I might be able to be really productive for a few days, but I just need to relax for a week before all he'll breaks lose.