[rechu]

Last February I started a job with a new company. The owner was someone who was a contact at my previous job and I also had consulted on some projects for him.

A lot of promises were made in terms of raises/bonuses as we signed on more member companies as well as having creative control over my work. None have been fulfilled. He weasled out of a promised bonus and I haven't gotten a raise even though we have gone from 2 members to 5 and my responsibilities have gone up. He pays me my meager salary later and later in the month. He is a micromanager and takes no advice from me or the other member of the editorial team.

It is chaos; there is no planning,. He decides we should do things on a whim, asks people to research things and then forgets about them. Of the 8 people that started last year, he has fired 3 people and another has quit.

Now he wants me to get involved in an additional project. He vaguely mentioned he might need my assistance with something, but we never agreed on any terms or details. Now he promises extra pay to participate, but after so many unfulfilled promises, I don't trust him. On attending a meeting about the project details, I realized it would be very time consuming and it also sounds unethical (think borderline industrial spying). So, I decided to say I won't do it.

He never takes this type of news well in person (anger management issues), so I e-mailed him about it and left the WhatsApp group that he set up for project. Obviously, he is mad and said I promised to do this (not true) and he doesn't understand what I am doing. He wants to meet me to discuss, but I am sure he is going to make a scene if I do. Every time someone tries to set a boundary with him, that is what he does.

I am thinking he is going to either fire me outright or give me an ultimatum to do that project as part of my continued employment. If the second option happens I will quit. It's probably a sinking ship anyways. Team meetings have a toxic atmosphere, and he is oblivious to it. It's sad, though. I started with a good attitutde and wanting to contribute, but I can only take so many lies and being taken advantage of.

The worst thing is that I was unemployed/underemployed for quite a while before getting this job. I was laid off and ended up working freelance sporadicaly while job searching, until this opportunity came up. I am an expat, but I speak the language fluently along with English and a 3rd language. I have a graduate degree, good work experience, and initially found my other job quite quickly. However, once I was laid off from there, it took a while to even find this, which is no prize. I am really worried about what I will do now as far as work.

I have had some panic attacks in the last few days when dealing with anything work-related. My health insurance is not the greatest, and faced with the possibility of no income, I can't afford a psychiatrist/therapist right now. I am really feeling hopeless right now. Thanks for listening.

[dancinglady]

I am so sorry. I have dealt with this for 9 years. Can u look for another job. I actually made a list of my assets and it gave me a self esteem boost. Bullying at my work goes on constantly!! Bullies don't go away they just grow older.

[rechu]

Thanks for your reply. Yes, he is a bully, definitely. It is strange, because I used to work for him on some other small projects and he was reasonable to work with and paid me fairly and on time. Now it is a completely different story. I guess the idea of being the big boss has gone to his head. As my husband says, his true colors are showing.

I went to my respiratory doctor yesterday to get a prescription refill. My heart rate was through the roof and he thinks the symptoms I am having when dealing with work stuff are definitely panic attacks. He asked what was going on. I gave him a short description about my work situation and said if there is any way I can quit I should consider it because the stress is not good for my health.

He has sent two more messages trying to get me to commit to that project, which are full of lies. He presented me to the client as one of the people who was going to be doing a big portion of the work, along with one other person. He said very clearly to the client that he was going to have us do the work because he has experience working with us, and that he wouldn't bring in a team of unknowns, interns, students, etc. to such an important project. Now he tells me that he only needs my participation in one part, but I don’t know if I believe him. I mean, either he is blatantly lying to the client or to me and either way it makes him untrustworthy.

He also gave more sob stories about money. When we discussed salary back in early 2015, he said he had to start low, but by May (2015) he would give me my first raise. It's now almost a year later I've not had one raise, but he has piled on tons more work. He pleads poverty with me, but spends a bunch of money on things that add little value to the business. I am supposedly part-time, but I work way more than that. Who knows if I will ever get a raise from him. My patience and trust is destroyed.

In addition, my husband is a lawyer. He’s not a labor law expert but looked at some labor legislation and he thinks that I should have never have been treated as an independent contractor, which is what our owner is doing – with everyone. He should have been paying my pension contributions and health insurance all this time. I may even have a basis for a lawsuit or at least to report him to the labor inspection office. So again, he is not ethical.

Unfortunately, the job market here is tough. That is why I have stuck it out so long, I would rather have some money coming in. I can probably at least have some income from some freelance things I do, but it will be less. I have an idea for a business. I was hoping to save more money before starting it, but maybe I need to push it up.

[dancinglady]

Originally Posted by rechu

Thanks for your reply. Yes, he is a bully, definitely. It is strange, because I used to work for him on some other small projects and he was reasonable to work with and paid me fairly and on time. Now it is a completely different story. I guess the idea of being the big boss has gone to his head. As my husband says, his true colors are showing.

I went to my respiratory doctor yesterday to get a prescription refill. My heart rate was through the roof and he thinks the symptoms I am having when dealing with work stuff are definitely panic attacks. He asked what was going on. I gave him a short description about my work situation and said if there is any way I can quit I should consider it because the stress is not good for my health.

He has sent two more messages trying to get me to commit to that project, which are full of lies. He presented me to the client as one of the people who was going to be doing a big portion of the work, along with one other person. He said very clearly to the client that he was going to have us do the work because he has experience working with us, and that he wouldn't bring in a team of unknowns, interns, students, etc. to such an important project. Now he tells me that he only needs my participation in one part, but I don’t know if I believe him. I mean, either he is blatantly lying to the client or to me and either way it makes him untrustworthy.

He also gave more sob stories about money. When we discussed salary back in early 2015, he said he had to start low, but by May (2015) he would give me my first raise. It's now almost a year later I've not had one raise, but he has piled on tons more work. He pleads poverty with me, but spends a bunch of money on things that add little value to the business. I am supposedly part-time, but I work way more than that. Who knows if I will ever get a raise from him. My patience and trust is destroyed.

In addition, my husband is a lawyer. He’s not a labor law expert but looked at some labor legislation and he thinks that I should have never have been treated as an independent contractor, which is what our owner is doing – with everyone. He should have been paying my pension contributions and health insurance all this time. I may even have a basis for a lawsuit or at least to report him to the labor inspection office. So again, he is not ethical.

Unfortunately, the job market here is tough. That is why I have stuck it out so long, I would rather have some money coming in. I can probably at least have some income from some freelance things I do, but it will be less. I have an idea for a business. I was hoping to save more money before starting it, but maybe I need to push it up.

Good thing you have an attorney on your side. He is still with you even though you have mental health issues. WOW u r so lucky!!!

[rechu]

I gave my notice today via e-mail, citing the pressure to constantly take on more work for no extra pay, my stress level and the fact that he recognized that the company probably won't be around in the few months, so I am worried about not getting paid. So far no response from him.

[rechu]

Well, an update. My last day was April 29th. I updated everything I deal with on the website and sent them some files they needed along with web content for last week.

The GM refused to deal with me. He had the sales manager call me with empty promises about being able to cut back my workload. Based on past experience, I didn't believe it. I am sure it would soon creep up again, and there was no mention of a raise. Finally she tried to get me to commit to May at least, but again I said no.

2 days before my last day, I was brought some publications that had been arriving at my house to the office, since I usually work from home. The sales manager was adamant I had to come at 12:30 because she had a meeting before then and no one else was in the office.

There is no doorman and the intercom buttons are confusing, so I sent the sales manager a WhatsApp and waited outside. Suddenly, who walks up, but the GM and another guy. The GM acted like he either didn't see me or didn't recognize me, so I said hi. He tensed up and barely eeked out a hi. We go upstairs and the sales manager is already there as is the designer. Then, the GM introduces the guy that is with him as my replacement. I put the stuff on a table and say goodbye to all, with the GM giving me dirty looks the whole time, of course.

Then he asks if I would help out with anything they need once I leave. I said I can answer quick questions via e-mail, but if he expects me to go to the office and completely train my replacement, no. You just know he would try to get me to do that for free. He sneered and said he had hoped I would cooperate. He also assumed I would stay at the office that day to discuss some things with my replacement, although no one had ever mentioned that to me. I said I had an errand to run, which was true, and I left.

I think the whole thing was a set-up, to show me that they don't need me. It was just a little too perfect that the GM showed up at the same time as me and with my supposed replacement. It seems unlikey they found someone with my skills and experience who is fluent in English in less than a week. The guy was probably a friend of his or something.

I checked out the wesbsite and they are failing miserably in my absence. They tried to upload a news article, and it had no photo and no text, just a title, short description and the sources. They finally took it down and haven't uploaded anything else. The same goes for economic figures that should be uploaded. Dates are missing and some data is wrong.

[seesaw]

I'm glad that you left that job. It was clearly causing you too much stress. Now don't think of it anymore. It's in the past and you don't owe them anything.

Seesaw

[Nimitri]

You are so brave. With the situation right now to even left a bad job is so scary and I can say I'm proud of you and awed at your commitment to your health

I truly hope something good comes to you and that you can put this over.

[hvert]

Congrats at getting out!

[rechu]

Thanks guys. The country where I live is not the easiest place to find work in during good times and it's tough right now. I was out of work for a while before I found that job. Right after I quit, they announced that the unemployment rate is 9.4%! But, I haven't had a panic attack since I left, so it's clear that I did the right thing for my well being. Plus the salary was garbage for the amount of work I was expected to do.

I have been able to pick up some mystery shopping work. It doesn't pay a ton, but at least some income is better than nothing and it is pretty low stress. I am also trying to get a small business idea I have off the ground - starting on some market research this week.

[rechu]

http://http://lonerwolf.com/gaslighting/

Interesting, I found this link today, that explains the behavior of my former boss very well.

The paragraph on the work scenario rings so true to me. This also caught my eye: Changing the subject. The gaslighter may divert the topic by asking another question, or making a statement usually directed at your thoughts, e.g. “You’re imagining things—that never happened!” “No, you’re wrong, you didn’t remember right.” “Is that another crazy idea you got from your (family member/friend)?” He would always try to say that I misunderstood things or wasn't remembering correctly what he said if I tried to challenge him in any way or get him to make good on a promise to me.