[seesaw]

I don't know what to do. My boss is a total sexist asshole. I'm going to file a complaint with the EEOC. I don't know if I will win, but at least it will make me feel like I've done something.

After what has happened the past few days, I don't know how I'm going to actually make it through the work day tomorrow.

I've been researching when it's time to quit without another job lined up. I do have some money in savings, but I could only make it a few months without a paycheck. I wish I had never taken this job. It was a terrible move. Not only have I gotten nothing out of it professionally, the toxic environment has been completely detrimental to my health.

If I gave my notice tomorrow, I don't know that I could have something lined up in time to be able to cover my bills, plus I would lose my nonexistent health insurance. Right now I've only had leads on jobs, sent out lots of resumes...I've only had one phone vetting interview so far. But I'm hopeful it will lead to something.

I don't know, should I give my notice tomorrow?

Seesaw

Go on sick leave first to give yourself time to maneuver. Don't even talk to your boss if possible; go directly through HR. Look into your eligibility for COBRA to cover your health insurance while you find another job.

[seesaw]

Our insurance is terrible. Cobra won't do much really, but I may be able to do something on the marketplace, at least. I'm not sure how much sick leave I have currently. I suppose I could work from home, just to get tasks done and say that my disability, which is on my HR file, is flaring up so I can't come in.

I don't remember what our disability policy is either. I think it may be 60%. But I honestly don't want to go back on disability. I am filing this EEOC complaint though. I feel I'm being discriminated against because I'm not young and.pretty and leggy like the other girls in my office that my boss gives undue attention and opportunities to. I feel I have been passed over for promotions because of it and treated unfairly because of it, creating a toxic work environment. It has caused me emotional anguish, and more than anything, I think the behavior needs to be stopped.

Hopefully I can at least make it into the office tomorrow.

Seesaw

[Moogieotter]

Hi seesaw,

Sorry you are struggling. We're all rooting for you as I know it takes so much courage to work a demanding career with MI.

Here is one idea, but it might not work. From the places I have worked, which are all public companies, you can pull a little power play and get out with some severance in a settlement. Basically when you file EEOC and open a file with HR you can ask someone high up, like the HR director to let you go with severance, continuation of benefits, and a positive referral on your work record in exchange for an NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) that you sign to not talk about their business practices.

I think it might be a long shot, especially with only one year tenure. This is a common corporate HR tactic where everyone agrees to separate quietly and easily with some relief and protections for both sides.

I am happy to elaborate as needed. Thanks,

moogs

[seesaw]

Hi Moogs,

I would appreciate some further input on that idea.

I did make it to work today. After a substantial amount of Xanax last night, I was able to finally get a good night's sleep.

I made it to work. I smiled at the all-staff meeting. I have been as pleasant as possible. I am just going to keep my head down, do my job, let stuff roll of my back, and get the hell out of here as fast as possible.

But fair warning, I may have to come here to vent frequently. You guys are totally awesome for listening to me vent about this terrible situation frequently.

Thanks,
seesaw

[seesaw]

Well, my direct report and i talked about her lunch meeting that she had had with the CEO, she told me what occurred but also mentioned that it had to do with something else with another co-worker that she is very close to and I guess there are some personal issues going on, and since she is best friends with that co-worker, the CEO was trying to figure out how to deal with it. So I feel a little calmer about that now.

I have to say, the xanax really helped last night. I think I'm going to have to bug my pdoc this week for a regular prescription. I had to do it, but my PTSD and anxiety are so bad, and I'm getting so out of hand and triggered, that it's affecting me.

But I still want out. But I think that I can hang on until the right new job comes along.

Seesaw

[LookingforCalm]

I'll tell you what I tell my employees.

Document! Document! Document!

Write it all down. Write down incidents of harassment and retaliation in a factual manner. Dates, times, what happened, how/if it was resolved.

The best way to be your own advocate is to document everything and be as factual as possible. Do not include your feelings on the matter, but do include what was said, what happened. Anything else seems like you're a disgruntled employee.

I'm not in HR, but I am in management. This is the only way to go.

I hope you find what you're looking for, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. I wish you the best of luck.

[Rojola]

Hi...
Sorry to here your situation. Stay strong. Don't quit unless you have at least one year of income saved. I know you may feel like it, as I have too.

If they've actually said sexest remarks, you should try to get a video of it. Look online for a spy camera with sound. If you have such proof it'll solidify your anecdotal evidence and they will be undoubtably liable.

[DechanDawa]

I am really glad you are hanging in there. I would have done that with my job but they fired me. Boohoo. I should have kept my head down. But I didn't.

I was hoping you would get the job in Philadelphia. I moved there to center city without a job and in one month got a job at the Philadelphia Museum of Fine Arts. But that was back in the day when I seemed to have better luck.

Do whatever you need to do to hang in there and keep looking. Because it is easier to look when you already have a job. I have been fighting depression and isolation since getting fired. It is much harder to try to find a job when you don't have one.

You are my hero. Don't quit. Don't let your asshole boss make your life harder.

I am proud of you and please post here frequently. I think you are well loved and respected here. You give others very good advice and support. Allow yourself to stay on the receiving end.

If you know you want out...then you can afford to be a little more detached. I know it is easier said then done and I didn't do it with my last job but believe me, I will do it in the future. That is, keep my head down...

Best of luck, sweetie, you are in my thoughts.

[seesaw]

Thanks. I have had numerous interviews lately. I'm also feeling a bit calmer about work. I just have to let things happen and not allow things to rile me up.

[LookingforCalm]

OK, unless it's in your handbook, you cannot film someone without their knowledge. It could come back to hurt you, not them and is technically not legal and will NOT hold up in court. It is NOT legal. Do not every record someone without telling them you are doing so.

Can I legally record a conversation between myself and another person? | Criminal Law
Recording Phone Calls, Conversations, Meetings and Hearings

Again, hang in there and document what you can. I'm not trying to argue with anyone, but you if you want a case you must explore your options and keep it legal. You have no recourse without it.

[seesaw]

I understand, looking. I understand about documenting everything.

[hvert]

Congrats on the interviews! It's great that the work you are putting into leaving is paying off.

[seesaw]

OMG, this is so ridiculous. The co-worker who is my boss's pet, just tried to throw me under the bus for something that was her mistake.

We had a big gala event last week. And as a group, we agreed to comp this person from a local funder, but I objected because he behavior horrendously. But I was overruled. Anyway, he came to the event, sat at my table, and bad-mouthed us in front of other prospective sponsors.

After the event, I emailed our CEO because I wanted to know how to deal with the guy's behavior and if we should mention it to the CEO of that local funder, since I doubt they want their representative behaving drunk and disorderly on their behalf out in public, and bad-mouthing their own grantees while they're at it.

My CEO, who is my boss, emailed me back, and copied the co-worker, basically with a "this isn't worth my time" response, saying we could do something but it probably wouldn't result in anything. Then he stated that he didn't know we had comped this person and he would have overruled it. He wasn't placing blame, just saying not to do it in the future.

So my co-worker was copied on his response, and sends out this email blasting me saying he wasn't comped, he was given a reduced price. Then saying that she was trying to think of the politics of that funder (and I'm responsible for soliciting that funder) and no one else is thinking about the politics of that funder (which was a pot shot at me, even though it's absolutely not true).

Then she goes on to say that all the comps for that night were my people, which they weren't, and the ones that were, I got approval of before comping them.

I responded to her and my CEO by saying that the intent of my email was only to draw attention to this one person's bad behavior and ask if there was anything we could do about it. I was not trying to blame anyone for inviting him or anything of that sort. In fact, in my email I said "we" made the decision to invite him, not "you" or "her name." I stated it as team decision. So I very clearly wasn't throwing her under the bus. In fact, I had considered telling my CEO that she had invited this guy against my better judgment, but I chose not to and chose to make it simply about asking how to deal with this one person and not throw her under the bus. And what do I get, she overreacts to the email, which was not about her at all. I showed the email to another co-worker who I trust, and she was like, "co-worker is just so defensive, she can't take any criticism at all, or she takes everything as a criticism." And it's true, she can't handle any feedback. She acts like she knows everything, and if you try to give her feedback or suggestions, she gets mad. Then it blows up in her face because she didn't listen to the feedback or suggestions and then she tries to throw other people under the bus for her ignorance.

I also told her that I do have a very clear strategy for this particular funder, and if she is interested in knowing more about it, I'm happy to meet with her and fill her in on what it is and get her feedback. But her statement that no one cares about what is going on with that funder is absolutely untrue, and considering I spend maybe 15% of my time annually dealing with that funder, I take offense to the idea that no one cares about the politics.

I cannot believe that she is allowed to talk to other co-workers that way. It is just ridiculous. She talks about everyone and how they aren't doing their jobs well or right, and then can't manage her own job. She is very young and naive and will hopefully realize one day that you can't stick your thumbs in every one else's business and still get your own job done.

Seesaw