[LiteraryLark]

I am in the process of enrolling to Lytle's Beauty College, and they ask for a 250 word essay on my personal and professional history. Can someone review and/or edit this?

In the distinguished world of order and conformity, I resist the temptation to follow the beaten path. In my journey of self-discovery, I became one of a fearless and determined demeanor, one to overcome any and all obstacles in my path, one that remains the loyal friend, the one to bestow my heart to those in need, and the daughter to continue and always make my parents proud. I am a survivor at the core, and I strive to be the best person I can be. My name is LL, and I am searching for a career to continue to challenge me and find reward in a happy client and a job well done.

Cosmetology is a sub-category of hospitality in which I pride myself in. It requires “Patience and Fluff”, the action and reaction to the guest’s needs while maintaining a professional demeanor. Patience is the compromise between desired hair and hair reality, and fluff is polite conversation with warm, inviting tones and the proper speech of “You folks”. “May I”, and “My apologies”, a conversation always directed towards the guest and never about myself. P+F is a learned skill from the Hilton Garden Inn, where I served as both a hard-working housekeeper and a disciplined guest service agent. My experiences built a foundation to build relationships with my guests, a high expectation of how I present myself to the public, and the strive to be the very best in all I do.

[unaluna]

Personal and professional history, hmm.

I would want to read about your personal artistic and beauty history. How you like to get your hair cut colored and styled uniquely, how you decorate the house etc.

Then professionally, how you have service experience in fast food, housekeeping, and your other jobs.

So i would cut out some of the intro to make room for this kinda stuff. Make it more conversational. But dont stress out too much about it, probably mostly they just wanna see if you can read and write english and understand what you are getting into.

[LiteraryLark]

How's this? *edited*

My life is a canvas, from my aspirations to my hair. I’m a passionate writer, more of a lifestyle than a hobby, and someday I’d like my stories to be published. I have 9 tattoos of various sizes and meanings and each time I get ink I plan for the next one. My favorite tattoo, though hard to choose, would be my quill with the words “Once Upon A Time”, as it represents my love for writing. Fun fact: my hair is dramatically different in every photo I’ve ever taken. My name is LL, and I am searching for a career to continue to challenge me and find reward in a happy client and a job well done.

Cosmetology is a sub-category of hospitality in which I pride myself in. It requires “Patience and Fluff”, the action and reaction to the guest’s needs while maintaining a professional demeanor. Patience is the compromise between desired hair and hair reality, and fluff is polite conversation with warm, inviting tones and the proper speech of “You folks”. “May I”, and “My apologies”, a conversation always directed towards the guest and never about myself. P+F is a learned skill from the Hilton Garden Inn, where I served as both a hard-working housekeeper and a disciplined guest service agent. My experiences built a foundation to build relationships with my guests, a high expectation of how I present myself to the public, and the strive to be the very best in all I do.

[unaluna]

Sounds good to me!

But i think you want one s on canvas. Youre not going door to door?

[LiteraryLark]

lol thanks!

[seesaw]

I still feel like that first paragraph could have more to do with cosmetology. Like if you could connect your writing and tattoos back to hair and makeup and how it's a natural fit for you. I think they are looking for why this career would be a good fit for you, and this doesn't exactly get there, just yet.

Also, in the last line, "the strive to be the best..." would read better as "the aspiration to be the very best...."

Good luck,
seesaw

[LiteraryLark]

My life is a canvas, from my aspirations to my hair. I’m a passionate writer, more of a lifestyle than a hobby, and someday I’d like my stories to be published. I have 9 tattoos of various sizes and meanings and each time I get ink I plan for the next one. Fun fact: my hair is dramatically different in every photo I’ve ever taken. The art of beauty is an adventure, a creative outlet in which I enjoy expressing and exploring through the many fields of art. My name is Kelly, and I am searching for a career to continue to challenge me and find reward in a happy client and a job well done.