I can't handle volunteering. I can't handle the boring work of sorting books or stamping things for free when I have to listen to the employees in the room talk about their happy little lives and about their parties, friends, interests, families, or whatever.

It is triggering for me. After dealing with it during my whole shift Monday, I was miserable all day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep.

I find it so painful hearing things like that when I have nobody in my life; no friends, no family. I can't take it anymore.

It doesn't help that there is a girl there that I like that I have been eying since I started but I found out she has a boyfriend. Now I can't stand even being around her. I'm jealous of him and hope their relationship fails.

I can't take it anymore. If this is what working everyday is like, I would rather be homeless.

Originally Posted by DarknessIsMyFriend

I can't handle volunteering. I can't handle the boring work of sorting books or stamping things for free when I have to listen to the employees in the room talk about their happy little lives and about their parties, friends, interests, families, or whatever.

It is triggering for me. After dealing with it during my whole shift Monday, I was miserable all day. Last night, I cried myself to sleep.

I find it so painful hearing things like that when I have nobody in my life; no friends, no family. I can't take it anymore.

It doesn't help that there is a girl there that I like that I have been eying since I started but I found out she has a boyfriend. Now I can't stand even being around her. I'm jealous of him and hope their relationship fails.

I can't take it anymore. If this is what working everyday is like, I would rather be homeless.

Okay, you might not like what I'm about to say but I hope you'll hear me out because it's based on experience.

When I was in depression/anxiety one of the things I started to do was volunteer like yourself, it was to get myself back into the land of the living.

I was an admin volunteer, so pretty mundane tasks to start with (they always give new people mundane tasks in the beginning and they see how we do). One thing and another but I had an almighty crash around this time and couldn't figure out why when I was doing this positive stuff suddenly everything felt worse.

My dr observed it was pushing myself that brought on the crash but she said it was good I was pushing and I should keep it going. Volunteering was in it's own way another stressor. Being social and functional in a workplace after years of not was a strain. I can see that now but it took a dr to point it out at the time.

I did keep at it, and over time my responsibilities changed (less mundane), a whole lot of staff changes, a new office, I met lots of new people along the way some I liked, some I didn't (a couple who hit my trigger buttons and stressed me out) and a few who are still my closest friends to this day.

It's not to say you have to stick this place, but if you do decide to get a different place then I'd stay a while where you are while you fix up a new one. You will be gaining all the time, learning workplace skills (yeah putting up with blah-de-blah talk is part of that).

What you are describing, the blah-de-blah of workplace life will be similar everywhere - if you can learn techniques and strategies to deal with it then this will be a win for you. Coping strategies are essential - if 'tuning out' works then do it, if polite stand by responses work then do it. Distraction by telling a few jokes, talking about your own interests a bit? Trial and error and you can do this.

Crushes on colleagues, they happen when you are young, but who knows perhaps she has a cute friend or one of your colleagues has a cute daughter. There are options out there - and the more you are out there the more chance you have of meeting someone single and nice.

I know it's hard sometimes but I'm rooting for you - don't give up just yet you have a lot to gain if you push through the tough bit at the beginning.

I feel better now. I stayed home and gamed all day instead of going out and getting my work done so I regained my motivation.

I'm going back in tomorrow and I'm still going to give it my all for now at least. Once I no longer see a benefit of going, you bet I will be out the door.

I might just take my headset with me or something. It's not like what they are having me do is hard enough for me to need to talk to others about my work.

Volunteering should hopefully go smoothly from here on out.

I requested that they put me in reception away from everybody else since I'm better at entering data into a computer than I am at dealing with people and my manager said it would be OK.

I'm just going to avoid that girl that I have such a crush on like the plague especially since she has a thing of coming to work wearing short skirts a lot which makes me act like an even bigger fool when I'm around her lol.

[LiteraryLark]

Have you been looking into a real job?

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

Have you been looking into a real job?

Gave up on it in favor of applying to community college and getting a FAFSA for financial aid.

Everything should go smoothly from here on out but if my FAFSA fails for whatever reason and I can't get into college, I give up on life entirely.

I need resources from college because I can't do things on my own. Things like work-study, free therapists, and tutoring to name a few are things I'm in dire need of because I cannot function in society on my own.

If it fails, I would rather die than continue trying because why struggle anymore?