I have been in a job for about 15 years. I have about 10 left before I can retire. This job will give me a really good retirement. Pension, health insurance, the whole shebang... but I have to stay until retirement.

I stayed this long because I thought things would be great once I got a new boss. And things are better. But I still have one problem. I work with the same people all the time. And inevitably... those people do the same things and put me in the same positions. I am talking about gossip and such.

Yesterday I went to ask a few people a work related question... each one of them got talking and I was trapped listening to them. I tried to get out the door but they would just keep talking. So much gossip and so much weirdness. So much odd... so much deluded. So many old stories brought up again. So many people angry about money. So many people who charge right into your office when you ask them not to. Making small talk that ends up annoying me. Having to make small talk. Half of what I say I don't mean I just am forced to speak so much in a way that will make people happy.

I also feel like the place has already and will in the future because me mental harm. It might not be any-worse than anyplace else but since no one ever departs and gossip is all over... it feels like I always learn how cruddy people are but, when I had jobs that were shorter term.. like 5 years... I never found out that people were stabbing me in the back. Thus, I had a brighter outlook and had more faith in people.

I just don't know how I am going to make it 10 years but, if I leave, I lose a lot of money and security.

[Travelinglady]

Alas, there will always be difficult people to work with. Can you set boundaries? "I need to get this work done, so I'll talk to you later". Changing the subject when they start gossiping, etc.

I'm sorry these folks are being this way. Shame on them.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

I have been in a job for about 15 years. I have about 10 left before I can retire. This job will give me a really good retirement. Pension, health insurance, the whole shebang... but I have to stay until retirement.

I stayed this long because I thought things would be great once I got a new boss. And things are better. But I still have one problem. I work with the same people all the time. And inevitably... those people do the same things and put me in the same positions. I am talking about gossip and such.

Yesterday I went to ask a few people a work related question... each one of them got talking and I was trapped listening to them. I tried to get out the door but they would just keep talking. So much gossip and so much weirdness. So much odd... so much deluded. So many old stories brought up again. So many people angry about money. So many people who charge right into your office when you ask them not to. Making small talk that ends up annoying me. Having to make small talk. Half of what I say I don't mean I just am forced to speak so much in a way that will make people happy.

I also feel like the place has already and will in the future because me mental harm. It might not be any-worse than anyplace else but since no one ever departs and gossip is all over... it feels like I always learn how cruddy people are but, when I had jobs that were shorter term.. like 5 years... I never found out that people were stabbing me in the back. Thus, I had a brighter outlook and had more faith in people.

I just don't know how I am going to make it 10 years but, if I leave, I lose a lot of money and security.

I feel for you. I know what you are going through and the difficulty between trying to just wait something out (like waiting out til your retirement) and the misery that accompanies it. Getting through the work day can be hard when you don't love your job or your coworkers, but we can't just up and quit because there are bills to pay. Some people tell us to just shut up and get over it, but at least here you can vent and express yourself.

I would try and make it the next ten years, unless you can find yourself something WAY better. The money and security are worth it, in my opinion. And I would just work with my therapist on how to make it through the day without hating myself and everyone around me.

(((Hugs)))

Seesaw

[guilloche]

I'm sorry you're dealing with people that are so difficult. It's hard... especially when you're just trying to make it through to retirement.

I love the idea posted above, about boundaries. Is that something you could practice? I find that, with my mom, she would often want to talk about things that I had no interest in rehashing with her - so I practiced changing the subject. She'd bring something up, and I'd say, "Oh! That reminds me... what's going on with <new subject that I know she's interested in>".

I think with gossip, you just walk away if you can. Or tell people outright, "I'm not comfortable talking about Bob behind his back." and step away.

Is there any way to find another position within the same company? That's something I've been thinking of myself, it might be a way to save your benefits, but move to a new group of people so that you can at least break free of the ones that you see all the time now? Just an idea.

Good luck...

Originally Posted by guilloche

I love the idea posted above, about boundaries. Is that something you could practice? I think with gossip, you just walk away if you can. Or tell people outright, "I'm not comfortable talking about Bob behind his back." and step away..

It is a good idea to roughly change the subject but I think it is really hard in any place your stuck with to say something like "I'm not comfortable talking about" only because I think especially gossip types look to you gossiping with them as like a test. If you don't pretend to go along with it...they will start gossiping about you next. Normally if say I was leaving in 5 years... I wouldn't care but I am trapped with them... and, my job is such that I need them.

One of my gossip people... literally just walks into my office even when the door is shut. I have even told her a million times.. not to but she seems to think I am joking. I would ask to be moved but, that would be a clear tip off. No one ever moves.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

It is a good idea to roughly change the subject but I think it is really hard in any place your stuck with to say something like "I'm not comfortable talking about" only because I think especially gossip types look to you gossiping with them as like a test. If you don't pretend to go along with it...they will start gossiping about you next. Normally if say I was leaving in 5 years... I wouldn't care but I am trapped with them... and, my job is such that I need them.

One of my gossip people... literally just walks into my office even when the door is shut. I have even told her a million times.. not to but she seems to think I am joking. I would ask to be moved but, that would be a clear tip off. No one ever moves.

I would literally just start saying, every time: I'm on a deadline or trying to finish this project. We can talk later. - and kick them out of your cubicle. Every time they restart the conversation, interrupt and say "I can't talk right now"

and interrupt them and repeat this until they leave.

There's no shame in saying you have work to do.

Seesaw

Originally Posted by seesaw

I would literally just start saying, every time: I'm on a deadline or trying to finish this project. We can talk later. - and kick them out of your cubicle.

The thing is... if you are stuck someplace for 15 years you can't be too confrontational. By kicking them out because you have work too many times... they get the message... but they get the message. You are their enemy. When you then ask them for something you sure aren't going to get it fast.

Also, my co worker simply doesn't respect the message. I have told her a zillion times I have work to do... I have locked my door... she just comes in or knocks.

Yesterday I decided to open my office door and keep the blinds open. A person who works there who, is like a personal hero, stopped in the door way and joked that she had her "hellos" already all week long but I wasn't in. Err, yes I was, I was just locked behind closed doors.