[Lost Avatar]

Something that has bothered me over the years is the realization that many times I put the happiness of others before my own, or put up with being unhappy in order to not disappoint someone and gain their approval.

This has been an issue in relationships, but now it is starting to affect my career and becoming a serious problem.

Let me give you my current dilemma:

I went to college to be a mechanic, and graduated with honors at the top of my program. During my time in school, I fell in love with the work and the field. Never had a doubt about not wanting to do this. Then I got my first job.

I entered the field with rose-colored glasses and loved where I worked (far from my dream job in this field, but close enough as far as I thought when I started.) Now after some experience, I've become increasingly unhappy with where I work, to the point where I questioned whether this is really what I want to do at all.

I think a change of scenery, so-to-speak, would renew my passion. In fact, my dream job is hiring and I have the number to call.

My problem here is, I have a great boss and good coworkers. But those are about the only benefits to where I work. The rest of it is becoming not only disappointing but downright frustrating.

The only thing holding me back from jumping 100% into any better opportunity (of which there are a few right now I could try) is the reaction of my boss and coworkers. I don't want to disappoint them or make them unhappy. I genuinely want to take those opportunities if I can, but I have not made a 100%, no-doubts decision to do so for this one, frankly stupid reason.

So what is wrong here? Is there a term for this kind of thinking? And what, if any, advice would you have?

Like I said, this has more or less always been an issue with me but now it is seriously starting to hinder me professionally and is just continuing to make me unhappy and stressed out in all aspects of life and I need to find a way to solve this, whether it is professional help, medication, or whatever the case may be.

[rechu]

I guess the way I think about it is that if your company didn't need you anymore, they would not show loyalty to you; they'd let you go. In the work world you have to look out for yourself first because no one else is going to. If there is a better opportunity elsewhere, then I'd look into it. People generally are reasonable and undertstand if a better job comes up you'd want to take it. (Well, one boss of mine didn't handle me leaving well, but he had a lot of issues.)

If the other job does work out, then I'd say try to leave your current employer on the best of terms. Burning bridges is never good. Give adequate notice. I usually also try to leave things I was responsible for well documented for whoever comes next as well. Good luck!

I don't think you need to go on medication to be happy. I think your job makes you miserable, and that itself is what you need to change to feel better. Staying in a job that makes you miserable isn't good for your health.

You mention that your dream job is hiring and that you have their phone number. Can you call them up, set up an informational interview with them to find out if it is a good fit for you?

If it is a better fit for you, then you may want to let your boss and coworkers know. If you truly have a good relationship with them, then they will understand that you found a better opportunity, and will support you. As Shakespeare said, "to thine own self be true."

Originally Posted by Lost Avatar

Something that has bothered me over the years is the realization that many times I put the happiness of others before my own, or put up with being unhappy in order to not disappoint someone and gain their approval.

This has been an issue in relationships, but now it is starting to affect my career and becoming a serious problem.

Let me give you my current dilemma:

I went to college to be a mechanic, and graduated with honors at the top of my program. During my time in school, I fell in love with the work and the field. Never had a doubt about not wanting to do this. Then I got my first job.

I entered the field with rose-colored glasses and loved where I worked (far from my dream job in this field, but close enough as far as I thought when I started.) Now after some experience, I've become increasingly unhappy with where I work, to the point where I questioned whether this is really what I want to do at all.

I think a change of scenery, so-to-speak, would renew my passion. In fact, my dream job is hiring and I have the number to call.

My problem here is, I have a great boss and good coworkers. But those are about the only benefits to where I work. The rest of it is becoming not only disappointing but downright frustrating.

The only thing holding me back from jumping 100% into any better opportunity (of which there are a few right now I could try) is the reaction of my boss and coworkers. I don't want to disappoint them or make them unhappy. I genuinely want to take those opportunities if I can, but I have not made a 100%, no-doubts decision to do so for this one, frankly stupid reason.

So what is wrong here? Is there a term for this kind of thinking? And what, if any, advice would you have?

Like I said, this has more or less always been an issue with me but now it is seriously starting to hinder me professionally and is just continuing to make me unhappy and stressed out in all aspects of life and I need to find a way to solve this, whether it is professional help, medication, or whatever the case may be.

Why are you disappointed in work? There's a saying which goes "In the end, it's the people who matter", so if the people are great, what is not?