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seesaw
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Default Jan 19, 2018 at 11:37 AM
  #1
I met with my business mentor yesterday. I was so nervous. I was nervous what she would be like, but she is a perfect fit. She made her fortune and retired at 42 (yup, 42) flipping businesses. She has a banker's eye and is all about the numbers.

She had nothing but positive things to say about my business model and my projections. She had a lot of feedback to strengthen my business plan. She gave me feedback on how to show better financial projections. All good.

We talked about financing. She made suggestions about pursuing a line of credit. If that doesn't work out, then a micro-loan. If that doesn't work out, then we may discuss other options.

She asked if I have any connections at any of the banks in town...and I realized, I have three really great connections. I know the #2 at a huge bank in town that's very supportive of the arts and would likely have a champion in her to support my proposal. I have an okay contact, same, someone very high up, at Wells Fargo, locally, who also could be a good champion for helping me get an LOC. The third, I have a high school friend who is actually the head of small business banking at BB&T locally. So I have three great connections to talk to.

I'm just having so much anxiety right now because 1) I have to sit in front of people I know and talk about my finances. And I'm not going to lie, I've had issues with finances in the past. I mean, I was unemployed for a period of time and then I was also on SSDI, I have medical debt, I have student debt. I mean, I can't pay debt down when there is no money coming in. So that could greatly affect me getting an LOC (line of credit). The thing is, I need so little money to get started, that's why I only need a LOC. My projections show that I need about $2,100 in the first 3 months and then after that I'm covering everything with cash inflow. So I'm just nervous because I have to deal with judgments from other people, and even though they aren't personal judgments, it's still emotional. I am trying to separate my emotions from it and look at it objectively.

The other anxiety is coming from needing to scale up with new clients. I feel comfortable that I can scale up, but it's also scary, because there is no guarantee. I have a lot of leads, and prospects who want to sign contracts with me, but they aren't signed yet. I suppose this anxiety is good anxiety, because it's natural to feel some stress to keep pursuing growing your client base.

But, I don't deal well with anxiety. So it's making me curl into a ball and avoid things now. It's just another obstacle to overcome, and I can do it, but I'm just...I'm scared. I'm scared I'll fail miserably. Of course, even failing miserably probably wouldn't end in anything to terrible for me. Shoot for the moon and you'll end up amongst the stars, right?

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Jan 21, 2018 at 07:46 AM
  #2
I don't know the back story on what sort of business you are starting or why you are going that route but it sounds like you have done your "homework" well and having a mentor is a great idea.

I'm not experienced at owning my own business but I'm sure being anxious is part of the deal. But those of us who are anxious to begin with can take it to a new level :-) Keeping your supports in place as you proceed is important but I'm sure you already know that.

I failed miserably on a project I started yesterday, asked for help and with help, got it right after working on it all day. The real 'work', though, was not to beat myself up or get into the perfectionism thing. Even things you are experienced at get bumpy but new ventures are that way by their very nature.

I wish you success and hope this is a good experience for you.
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Default Jan 21, 2018 at 10:31 AM
  #3
When my aunt launched her business a long time ago (she bought somebody else’s business and made her own rather than started from scratch per se), she took a big bank loan to buy it. She was so anxious that she had to go on Anti anxiety meds at the time even though she never needed it before. She ended up running it successfully for many years, I
Want to say at least 20-25 years? She sold it when she was retired to help with grandkids and she just got tired from working etc it was a large bustling place. It is a big big decision but for her it proved to be great thing. She also made ton of friends through it. Ton of networking etc

Go for it. But I totally see how it’s anxiety producing venture, it’s normal. It’s a big deal! Exciting!
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Default Jan 21, 2018 at 10:33 AM
  #4
Thanks...I am getting less anxious as time goes by. I know I can do this. I've already been doing it, I'm just formalizing it now.

It's just those creeping thoughts every now and then, my father's and other family members' voices telling me I'm not good enough. Screw them.

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Jan 21, 2018 at 04:03 PM
  #5
That is great you can distinguish whose "voice" is doing the talking in your head ... those who weren't helpful vs that of your own like the one you hear when you get quiet and know you've done the 'work' and have what it takes to try/do something you really want to do. That is the voice to listen to but you already know that And like divine1966 said, it is exciting. We tend to forget that part!!
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Default Jan 22, 2018 at 01:16 AM
  #6
Good luck. I too am trying to start a business. How did you find a mentor?
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Default Jan 28, 2018 at 07:52 PM
  #7
So update...things have been amazing. I was worried about having clients...Last week I got a client who not only has required me full-time through next week, but will want me throughout the year to work on projects with her. I'm actually at the point where I'm having too much work.

I am still going to apply for a line of credit or micro loan to help stabilize me in the first year, but I feel so much better now because I'm going to get kicked off of SSDI here real quick once they finally get in touch with me about reporting earnings. (I called them and they notified the field office. Field office is supposed to get in touch with me, because it's different when you're self-employed. When you're employed, they send a form to your employer to verify earnings. They can't do that with self-employed.)

So now I have more work than I know what to do with, and those are "billable" hours, but I also have a whole bunch of assignments for my business itself, to get the brand aligned properly and get my blog running to promote education and inquiries...

I am so glad I made this decision.

Seesaw

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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