Steinbeck Warmup

Hi Saidso and Warmup,
Things are always a mix of motives. What's a luxury, what's a necessity, and who decides, and when you personally decide, who will side with you?

Esther Duffo researches just these type of questions. Look her up. She got interested when she noticed that some very poor people will buy a supposedly luxury item when they came into a bit of "extra" money.

I personally actively seek my peeps. For me, thinking is massive nouns (like city, rural, a particular media-generated identity like baby boomer) serves nothing. I read a life changing book in my twenties which set me on a calmer path. It pitched the idea that ones community is built from a spiritual level outward, rather from a materialistic level inward. Thus, when I turn off the news or wear clothes past their "season" I am reminded to not look about me in hopes of blending in. If I attune my senses I will be drawn to others with a thrifty bent and an inside-out path to connection. It's been decades since I read that book. After re-reading it a few times I put it in the used book bin. I'll spend some time racking my memory for it's title.
I'm reading Sylvia Adler's line-by-line interpretation of a Clifford Odets's play: Golden Boy. This choice and what it means for being the seeming larger culture vs feeling permanently outside it IS the theme of the play.

Survive the holidays,
Revu2

Meant "thinking in massive nouns." The window for edits closed before I saw this typo.
Ruvu2

Going back up a couple of posts, you are entirely right about boundary negotiations resonating with deep-seated feelings. It was a surprise to me because recently my boundary negotiations have been amicable and trusting. I forgot that "trusting" other people - at least in so far as assuming they aren't generally interested in harming me because they like me enough to feel that being on my side is more enjoyable than being against me - it's a new experience given the aeons that I've experienced fight or flight behaviours.

I am still feeling the inner rumblings of having shut down my metal portcullis so precipitously.

Nouns are important for thinking. Giggle! I do foreign language teaching, not my profession but I find it exciting and pleasurable. I've taught people who don't know the difference between a noun and a verb in any language: words are just a foggy spume, or spewm, that comes out of the mouth of them and their families. I love teaching people like that because once up and running they tell interesting stories. But I've learned that nouns and verbs are critical to filtering through ideas and new languages - another laugh.

I have pocketed your point about grandious generalities, but I believe that there are real differences between city and countryside which come from the frictions of mass populations vs insularity. I've lived in the countryside 3 times in my life: two periods when I enjoyed it and once when it was like being dug into a deep, dark pit with unhealthy people . I nearly became a drug addict because that was what was going on around me. At that time it was a good idea to escape back to the city where I could move fluidly between any number of groups socially.

I am still thinking that social friction is important to me up to a point. There are cities where I've experienced both human respect and social friction, but I'm not sure that I can afford to move to them. Homes in cities are much more expensive than homes in the countryside so there can be not affording to move back again if it's a bad decision.

I am reflecting on what you wrote and will look up the Golden Boy play that you suggested. Do tell me more!

And thanks again for you kind understanding and for offering to talk by messaging!!! I may do that. Am just holding myself temporarily aloof from messaging because I'm new here and, umm, had one bad experience of messaging.

You made a hugely helpful contribution to my process by understanding about the resonances of boundaries. I felt such a freak for having such a strong reaction - my nervous system erupting with potent chemicals.

Saidso

Hi Saidso, warmup,
Thanks for recognizing my help with boundaries. I give a lot of thought to roles, boundaries, requests and responses. Sort of working out the details for myself and when someone is really going through something it helps accelerate my own development.
I've spent so much of my life carefully watching the behavior of those around and finding ways to stay in and stay with (if they tolerate that) without doing everything they do. I did drink some till mid 20s, but not much other drugs. Didn't much feel the point of it as I could tolerate a mildly dismal/boring current experience plus I didn't want to give money to the underworld that supplied it. This philosophy showed up again when I toughed out a hard period of depression 14 years ago.

I get you are very sensitivity to the 'vibes' of the locality where you are. Place matters.

If posting here makes sense as we're all here with aliases, please continue.

Hang on, hang in, through the rest of the holidays.
Revu2

Hi Warmup,
Everyday I know my 'best' 3-hour span is immediately after awakening. I can also get a shorter second best span after enjoying a nap. Many days I make conscious use of this time. This day's time feels like the last 3 hours of my vacation.

[Then into the messy stuff of ... (1) changing appointment to get my teeth cleaned. This round there's also the mildly painful part of checking my gums. I'm paying for this with personal insurance and going to one of the best practices in the region. I'd rather drop my mouth off and pick it up later.

(2) Getting some traction from the city bureaucracy to return $500 they mistakenly charged our condo association. This is like moving a pile of dirt with my bare hands.

(3) Getting back into serious writing, drafting, editing mode. This intensive work tires me a lot and I know I need to allow more breaks for rest or sleep when I get into things.

I work for myself and so pick and choose my hours. Meaning, some of the writing might be over the weekend.

Sigh—Goodbye vacation,
Revu2

I thought that it might be ok to add this attachment, which are the astonishing (to me) revendications of some gilet jaunes: to propose new laws, to request the dismissal of parliamentary representatives, to disagree with laws currently being debated, to propose modifications to the constitution. In four easy stages: petition of citizens; achieving a set number of signatories; trigger a referendum; application of the majority decision.
Feeling demoralised, I forget how extremely different life might be - could be much worse, but also could be way more open. Even if/ knowing this would immediately be corrupted... in my imagination and theirs something exists that can be debated.
At the same time, the battle to maintain a creative consciousness in any circumstance...ric proposal gilets jaunes dec 18.jpg

"In four easy stages: petition of citizens; achieving a set number of signatories; trigger a referendum; application of the majority decision."
Yes, this is very like the process in my Home State (Washington, USA).
Parliament has brought forward both the British EU entry vote (1975, 67% in favor, 64% turnout) and now the Brexit Vote (2016, 51.9% in favor, 72% turnout). With Brexit the vote was non-binding. And also the margin was much thinner.

I think without having to go through more ref. a rule in place that if the margin was greater than some percentage & the percent of citizens who voted crossed a threshold, together, would trigger a flip from non-binding to binding. At that point I think a vote for Implementors to follow-on the decision needs to happen. Otherwise bureaucrats who don't understand or wanted the ref. will implement it in a very shoddy, confusing, & quietly abusive way. This has happened after the legal marijuana vote passed here.

Though PM May talks like the Brexit vote bound the Government and Parliament, as it was worded, it did not.

Revu2

I read in the NY Review of books in my late 20s an article about Lev Vygotsky and his teasing out how "inner speech" works in our thinking, learning, and behavior. That he died very young (in his 30s) from TB and wrote out the theory at a crazy pace with the idea that his assistants would write up and release the research data after his death just added to the charm.

My own frustrations with interpersonal talk, which I might call InterSpeech or OuterSpeech, leads me to playing out here some rules or new choices for myself. I'll poke around the idea in no special order.

1. Tonic Speech. Tonic speech does just that. It's they type of talking between friends that Emerson celebrates in his essay on friendship. Both people needn't speak all the time they are together, as the silent pauses for reflection or relief just add to the sauciness of what follows. In all my interactions with friends, acquaintances, and others, this is less than 2%.

My challenge has been that till this morning when I reviewed my "data" I engage in every conversation as though it's can turn into tonic speech, if it doesn't start off there. Now, with just 1 in 50 chance of this being the case, I'll have to reassess what I'm hoping to feel, hear, say, and do in those 49 exchanges that won't be tonic giving.

2. Random Speech. This is something I've been tracking for many months. Lots of people have no "Theory of Talk." This leaves them to talk randomly. It also leaves them no quick choices when asked to talk in a specific way. Here's an example.

At a party last night I had this exchange between myself (R) and Ann (not her name, and other details changed). We're at her party to celebrate the launching of her latest book of poetry about an historical event.
1::R: You know, though the court case didn't lead to holding the owners of the building responsible, the public attention led to changes to rule and laws that have made a difference at least.
2::A: But buildings still collapse due to poor construction all over the world.
3::R: I'm not celebrating that the issue is fully solved. But that in our lives and where we live the codes are in place and that's a result of this incident you write about.
4::A: But owners are still getting away with shoddy work.
5::R: Can I have 20 seconds to celebrate the parts of success people have brought forward, at least? Someone had to write laws, pass them, and use taxes for inspectors to see that they are followed. That's something to celebrate.
6::A: But other countries don't follow these rules and multinationals follow the local rules and people still die.
7::R: Alright, I see I should never try to celebrate something like this with you.
8::A: I wouldn't say that.
9::R: [changed subject]
To me, Ann had no Theory of Talk. When I made a direct and clear request for something easily within her abilities (line 5), with a Theory of Talk that informed her that allowing space for a minor request of another person is allowed, she would have said something like: "OK, Go, you can take even a minute" to make a joke of it. And I would have spoken more fully. And then her NEXT comment needed to bracket the sequence with something like, "Thanks for that." And I would have felt complete for that exchange.
Now, contrast this with a theory of hosting, which she had as it was her party. Had I said, "I spilled something, do you have a mop?" She might have said, "Oh, that happens, don't worry about it, I'll clean it up."
Or, had I asked for a knife to cut a cake she'd gone and found one. But, in this case she couldn't "find" 20 seconds to allow in the possibility of something to celebrate however constrained or still under development.
Enough with people like that!
Revu2

Supposing:
5/ R: (deep breath) I see that you are deeply emotionally invested in the tragedies that bad building can cause.

6/ A: Yes I am
7/ R: I would like to also celebrate the achievements of people who have invested in improving the regulations here. I need to take time to celebrate the positive sometimes.

I agree that some people only have one style which is monologue + applause. I am culpable of this when particularly emotionally aroused by something.
But if I had been Anne in this situation, perhaps I wouldn't have known that this was a deal breaker for you unless you were explicit about that by word, tone of voice, gesture, etc.
Writing both sides of the dialogue is something that you've done here before - perhaps it's a gestalt-y thing that I'm unfamiliar with. Being more of an embodied person I would tend to affirm A which brings her into the present with me, before launching forth. I would also check whether my tone and body communicate my intent correctly: is this playful/ confrontational/ flirtatious/ just making social noises.

What was your emotional intent/ need? Was it something intellectual, or something more deeply connected to your identity?

Again, as an embodied person I would need to get my intention thoroughly behind me before stopping someone mid-flow in some emotionally obsessive rant. "Stop!"... but then I need all of my intent to turn the flow. Don't depend on the other person... especially if she's caught up with her own movie of hosting a book launch.

I have a next door neighbour who lives totally inside her own world view and I wouldn't even try to intervene. I have another neighbour who is a bigot but we have learned to laugh about our disagreements: he thinks that I'm a bigot too, but there is a connection because it's meaningful to us both to create one.

I looked up Emerson but didn't get illuminated as to what tonic speech means... It's possible (???) that A's speech is fuelled by emotion; R's speech is fuelled by ideas; S's speech is more about tone and gesture - so there is a criss-crossing of wavelengths?

Please explain indicating which wavelength I should tune into SMILE - do you remember the days of pirate radio stations?

I am going to send you something... I gotta read it myself again first.

Hi Warmup and Saidso,Yes, things might have continued as you say, or some other way. Everyone is sovereign and my attempts following your tips or any number of others may, or may not, have opened a space for me to celebrate for 20 seconds.
Wow! Such a load of work! As I could continue to hold my thoughts and feelings and was offering a celebration, in the moment, as a chip into the conversation, and as I was supposedly enjoying myself at a party, intuitively it felt Too Much Work and for what effect? Dunno.
So I let it drop, and inwardly reopened my file on Theory of Talk.
Re: Emerson. He doesn't use the term Tonic Speech, that's mine. In his essay on Friendship he waxes both poetic and prosetic on the value of this chosen relationship at its best.

O friend, my bosom said,
Through thee alone the sky is arched,
Through thee the rose is red,
All things through thee take nobler form,
And look beyond the earth,
And is the mill-round of our fate
A sun-path in thy worth.
Me too thy nobleness has taught
To master my despair;
The fountains of my hidden life
Are through thy friendship fair.

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new. Shall I not call God the Beautiful, who daily showeth himself so to me in his gifts? I chide society, I embrace solitude, and yet I am not so ungrateful as not to see the wise, the lovely, and the noble-minded, as from time to time they pass my gate. Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine,--a possession for all time.

Friendship, like the immortality of the soul, is too good to be believed.

There are two elements that go to the composition of friendship, each so sovereign that I can detect no superiority in either, no reason why either should be first named. One is Truth. A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud.…But a friend is a sane man who exercises not my ingenuity, but me. My friend gives me entertainment without requiring any stipulation on my part. A friend, therefore, is a sort of paradox in nature. I who alone am, I who see nothing in nature whose existence I can affirm with equal evidence to my own, behold now the semblance of my being, in all its height, variety, and curiosity, reiterated in a foreign form; so that a friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.

The other element of friendship is tenderness. We are holden to men by every sort of tie, by blood, by pride, by fear, by hope, by lucre, by lust, by hate, by admiration, by every circumstance and badge and trifle, but we can scarce believe that so much character can subsist in another as to draw us by love. Can another be so blessed, and we so pure, that we can offer him tenderness? When a man becomes dear to me, I have touched the goal of fortune.

As to the wavelength to tune into: Friendship. Bring forward the Sincerity & Tenderness Emerson picked out. Psych Central is, to me, a giant anonymous Friend in the sense that Emerson meant. It's here I can be open to myself in the net-company of others. We can be tender with one another as we flop about in our hearts and souls hoping to dislodge the hooks and wounds of human interaction.

PC is not a blog space. I'm not here with my working or life identity seeking to impress or get hired. In the 200-year old cliché, to put my best foot forward. Here at times I want to swing free with my boot or sometimes my feet feel made of clay. I express myself. If readers don't like it, there are 1000s of other threads, 100,000 other sites.

Here, I will express my thoughts as it's in conversation with friends that fresh ideas emerge. The flow is direct and clear because Pysch Central shares it with living people who can catch my intent and support my explorations.
Revu2

Hi Warmup,
Today I'm copying a set of improv acting violations as they highlight ways lack of a theory of talk foul the works. Improv is especially rich place to look for these types of challenges as the goal is spontaneity without rehearsal, performance without a director before a live audience.

These violation were written by Seattle Improv Master Chad Elliot and posted here.

Are You Making These Improv Mistakes?
The 7 Deadly Sins of Improv!

You've been learning skills and techniques to release your creativity.
Now, what are the mistakes to avoid? How can you avoid the stumbling blocks to success?
Improv is a form of storytelling. Anything that contributes to a good story contributes to the success of improv. Anything that hurt a good story hurts your ability to improvise. And, such things also damage how we relate with people in the day-to-day world.

Blocking: Negating the ideas and suggestions of other people (or yourself.)
Anytime someone offers, any idea or suggestion, it can be accepted or blocked.
You could do a simple block:
"You have nice hair."
"No, I don't."​
​Or, a more complete block:
"Nice hair!"
"I don't have any hair."
Notice that in the second example, you completely took away from any aspect of the reality they offered. That may seem over-the-top, but it happens in real life:
​"Nice shirt!"
"It's not a shirt, it's a sweater."
You can see and hear blocking all around you​:
"I love you."
"You're just saying that."
"You're doing a good job."
"You must want something from me."

"There are people who prefer to say ‘Yes’, and there are people who prefer to say ‘No’. Those who say ‘Yes’ are rewarded by the adventures they have, and those who say ‘No’ are rewarded by the safety they attain."
Keith Johnstone​ -- a major influence on modern improvisation

Wimping: Refusing to give information.
People are often afraid to be specific, in an effort to avoid judgement:
"How long have you been here?"
"I don't know."
​By refusing to contribute your thoughts, opinions, ideas and creativity, you'll guarantee that nothing happens.
The same in life: if your boss, spouse or friend asks your opinion and you refuse to give it, you're both stuck.

Pimping: Trying to get others to give all the ideas.
In another effort to avoid sharing your own personal ideas, you may use questions to have the other person contribute all the ideas.
"Where are we?"
"At the mall silly."
"What should we buy?"
"A new dress!"
"Who's that over there?"
Etc...
This is very common in conversations. One person asks the other person a load of questions. ("Where are you from? How old are you? What are your hobbies? What do you do? What's your middle name? Who's your favorite band?") It begins to feel like an interrogation and the conversation feels awkward and dies a quick death.​
You want there to be an even give-and-take, a balance of contribution. ​

Gagging: Making gags at the expense of the scene.
Anytime you make a joke that makes the scene less believable, that's gagging:
"I'm going to shoot you!"
"With a toy gun? HAHAHA!"
Of course, improv is funny and humorous. That's fine. And yet, it can be so much more. It can be personal, moving, and connecting.
​And, it can only be that way if you're willing to let go of the need for laughter. Many people become dependent on the audience for approval. You'll only be able to express yourself fully, when you can free yourself of that need.
Again, there are some people who can't help but keep conversations at a shallow, superficial level. They'll make joke after joke. They never allow the conversation into what's really important to them and the other person. They may even crack a joke at something very personal to that person, and offend them.
On the other hand, many people are too serious and need to laugh more. They need to lighten up, be more fun and easy going. It's a balancing act. ​

​Hedging: Avoiding being specific.
Think politician:
"What have you brought me here for?"
"That's an excellent question! There are many reasons and they are all important. Some of them may be beyond what you can possibly imagine. In fact, nothing you can..."
​This ties in, again, to our insecurities. When we're scared of failure, we're unwilling to say something specific, because it will lead in a specific direction -- possibly the "wrong" direction.
Ever tried to decide where to go to dinner with someone and it sounded like this? "Where do you want to go?" "Well, where do you want to go?"
If you refuse to decide on a restaurant, nothing can happen. If you just decide on a restaurant, you can go and find out what it's like. (You can always leave if it's bad.) You'll learn much more by taking action than by sitting there thinking all day. (And you'll eat faster, too.
Remember the old saying: "She who hesitates waits, and waits, and waits, and waits, and waits..."​

"First teach a person to develop to the point of his limitation and then - pfft! - break the limitation."
Viola Spolin -- grandmother of modern improvisation

Bridging: Avoiding doing something.
I've told students in my classes to fire someone in a scene. It may be minutes before they do it. They'll beat around the bush. They'll hem and haw. They won't just say, "You're fired."
"Well, I've been looking at your performance and it's really not where we'd like it. It's a bit below really. And, you've been behaving like a buffoon with the female staff. Also, there are some questions I'd like to ask you..."​
The person may think they are creating suspense, but they're usually not. They're drawing things out, because they are afraid of what to do afterwards. But, it will only become really exciting for the audience when something happens. ​
In your life, will you just say what you want to say? Or, do you say, "Look, you've been doing great and I really appreciate how nice you've been to Jim lately. I was just wondering, I mean hoping, it's just that sometimes I kind of think that perhaps at some point in the future, will sometime, doesn't have to be soon..."
You need to just get to your point and say it!​

Cancelling: Removing an idea that's been established.
This is a way to negate what's happened and to avoid being influenced.
"Wow, those flying saucers were horrible."
"Yes, Jimmy, but they were just part of your dream."​ (So, the flying saucers didn't exist at all.)
Another example is this.
"There's a tiger!
"I'll let it out. There, it's gone." (A tiger is introduced and instantly vanishes.)
This guarantees that nothing builds because everything is instantly eliminated. If you're one of the improvisers, you'll feel like you're trying to swim in quicksand.

By systematically noticing, recognizing and eliminating these "improv Sins," you'll make yourself a better performer. You'll gain skill coming up with ideas on-the-fly. And, you'll be able to prevent some of the main sources of failure -- whether improvising on stage or in life.

Recap: Blocking, Wimping, Pimping, Gagging, Hedging, Bridging, & Cancelling. I'll be on the look out for all of these patterns in my speech and others. Thanks, Chad!

Revu2

Hello Warmup,

It's 4:30 and Seattle is in the middle of a snow storm. A snorm? Joining the party of making up words about this. Maybe a foot total by Tuesday, which is well over a lot for us.

Went to bed a bit early due to an early start on Friday. Then at 4:00 awoke and after making certain I wouldn't fall back to sleep got up. What I'm going to work on that I'm sure will bring the drowsies is my autofocus (AF) list.

<Pause here to consider looking up autofocus. OK. 5 minutes max. Found this.>

I'm experimenting with doing this round of AF on Google sheets. After Making the main list of everything on my mind & calendar from now till Taxing Day in April, I'll sort by a coding system for each particular project and that project will get its own page.

Unlike the writer of this piece, I find AF useful even for deadlines. For example, with taxes there are many sub steps. Let's say I estimate I'll need 15 1 hour sessions over the next 8 weeks. I'll make a line like:
Code Do
T001 First 5 times on taxes 15 14 13 12 11

T001 means the first time I'm listing this or the first in an order. For example, dropping the forms in the mail would be T999 because that's the last step.

Each time I get to the work I strike through the rightmost number. When I've completed my first 5 sessions, I relist the work with another 5.

This has several aids for me. First, I cut my attention to when can I get to the first five times. Right now, with the snow, can I try for 1 hour a day?

The AF focus comes in by picking what I do and when I do it. If I want an hour but the work is draining, I might cut it to 45 minutes work, do something else, then 15 minutes more work. Strike a number & call it a day.

Alright, to the list.
Revu2

Hi Warmup,

I'm placing the incredibly fun complaining schtick on pause to uplift a great Theory of Talk: Sharon Strand Ellison in her work and website. She's the director of the Institute for Powerful Non-Defensive Communication. Her book is Taking the War out of Words.

Here's her examples page from her website.

The cover of her book offers her process for:

• Eliminating Defensiveness
• Liberating Honesty
• Building Integrity
• Inspiring Compassion

I now start one of my pet ad hoc projects: finding or making up new words. What if not "defensive" what am I? The words online dictionaries send me to are all "offensive."

So, As a start, I want to walk away from the whole offense-defense mindset.

For now, I'll go with "fair speaking." This was a highly praise trait in pre-Conquest England (before 1066) as far as I can tell. Here's a fitting poem about it:

He is foolish who puts his faith in force,
for Fortune makes force fail.
Falsehoods make folly strong,
and make men to be flattered by fair speaking.
Fierce force makes deceivers flee,
false forces make the feeble man famish.
Deceit makes the feeble man tremble,
but firm faith will make falsehood to founder.

"Firm faith" could be another term. Perhaps, "firm self faith."

Enough playing with words, for now,
Revu2

hello warmup,

I've had a lingering cough for about two weeks. This signals me that my body needs to withdraw or I need to consciously be more of a guard for my self protection. During this am's meditation I 'voiced' how every context i'm in distorts my feltsense of my role.

Close to home i have a neighbor who unconsciously thinks he needs to be the alpha male. these primal primate challenges deep down might be "to the death" or one "flees" physically or by withdrawing. I call this he's trying to timidmakeme.

In another context, the client actions could confusemakeme.

In a third, the client's own confusion delaypayme.

So this throat thing is my body's ask for me to reassess my performances in these several spaces. I got it this morning. This led to a tumble through my living to a gelling of a belief I made as a child that no one would love me (allow me to join/belong) until after I contributed my best. I can untangle my character trait I formerly named "enthusiasm" as an improvised performance of "Let me show you" and "Please love me."

Like most hammers, sometimes I struck nails, and most times not.

This morning I committed to my throat to turn off the "automatic" aspect of this. I released all of the pent up confusion, anger, body aches, and exhaustion this old pattern has carried in my psyche and body. Patiently waiting for the other half of me to 'get it' and allow this to release. Today's the day.

It's my meditative practice that when I release patterns I welcome healing patterns to replace and refresh me. For today, this is permanent belonging to life, nothing else is required. It's "manners" in the sense of "after you." It's deeply knowing I'm a member of an immense "conviction community" that extends back and forward through time and across and among all places, peoples, and settings.

All for now,
Revu2

Yes, pick what you can do and do it. There seems to be a life force that knows what has to be done, without too much bashing and crashing in the frontal lobes.

Emergencies do happen. I was, very reluctantly, up on the garage roof in a thunderstorm, and it sucked!!! But usually it's ok to just relax and float along on the enjoyable, lovely life force - so lucky!

I was sorry to hear that you are sick Rev2!!
I hope this won't be too irrelevant or annoying but I had some thoughts about your post.

1/ most other people are crazy, don't worry about it!
2/ I have a duty to maintain a spiritual practice so that I can link up with other people who have a spiritual practice. By spiritual practice, I mean anything that holds my awareness that life on this planet is marvellous and finite. My soul is watching me. Music reminds me of this depth of awareness and that everything else is not such a huge deal. Meditation/ tai chi: it's simply in the doing of this awareness every day that enables me to set boundaries on my own stupidity. Work in progress.
For example, today was a day when everyone wanted bits of me from 9 am onwards which made me sick to my stomach, and at 4:30 pm I left a message on my e-mail saying "I'm unwell and I'm going to bed". People stopped exploiting, and felt compelled to reply, "Sorry that you are sick".
3/ The way through other people's madness is to act with confidence AS IF we can all find a way to be human! (yes, you know this already, but easier said that done!!!).
4/ Everyone in the western world has suffered from a chronic cough this winter - perhaps don't take it too personally. I'm the only person I know who hasn't coughed - either I've already done the coughing and have anti-bodies, or because I'm anti-social so less exposed to infection.
5/ Reminder to self: ignore other people, just practice!

I have some CDs that were made by a great musician a few months before he died of cancer. His guitar playing is beautiful, despite the fact that he was already suffering considerable pain. It reminds me that human beings can stay confident of the bigger picture in the face of just about anything.

Now to practice, sigh, and then to sleep/!
Sending soothing vibes to your poor lungs!

Saidso

P.S. I do get it about having to give your best so that people will love you. I am compelled to give my best so that, in my psyche, the roof will stay on top of the walls of my house. Needing to give my best has been real in my life, but also, as you say, a compulsion fuelled by wanting love. Methinks the only thing that I personally can do about wanting love is to keep a space open for it, so that I don't miss the opportunity if it arrives. Huh?!

Hey Revu,

Just checking in and saying "hi." Hope all is well.

Seesaw

Thanks Seesaw for dropping by. All's well enough. Health is sterling, spirits run to gold, at times. Spine is straight.

How're things in your work?

Warmup for today:

I use the I Ching as 'therapist in a book' almost on a daily basis. The Oracle from 3000 years ago advised to look to a Norwegian fairytale called Jutelen and Johannes Blessom. It tells a story of prisoners of the Germans during WW II and how one seemingly non-tough guy actually helped everyone carry on by delivering secret lectures and short talks about literature and the arts. This story was one of the prisoners favs so I looked it up.

For all I'm dealing with I'm practicing the story's catchphrase: "You'll have to stand it, Blessom!"

Revu2

Hi Warmers,

Calling off my development of a Theory of Talk. A series of books came gushing out in the mid to late 1980s by Suzette Haden Elgin called The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense. Can't tell how many she cranked out, but its a lot. Happened on The Last Word on TGAVS-D in one of the free libraries people have in their yards.

I recognized the series and knew my quest was over. Hallelujah!

From p. 23: "In an ideal human language interaction, both persons involved would make every effort to adjust to each other in such a way that communication would be at its best."

That's it,
Revu2

Hi Warmup,

I'm braced for challenge. I have a stack of creative tasks to prep for a critical convening on Thursday. All of today I'll work on them. All of today I wonder how my client will not quite accept the work, not quite offer any recognition, not quite truly "get" how I think and approach this work.

When it's just he and I planning, it's hours agreeing to the most basic stuff, often minutes circling like water down a drain seeking something we both can hold to for a few minutes and move a step forward. I work :: start - middle - complete enough for now - repeat. He works :: start - tangent - can't complete if this other thing is not set - divert to other thing - repeat.

Ah, felt freeing to just putting this much down on the page.

Today, I want to experiment with simply doing the work without frying my emotions or mind in the process. I think somewhere I locked onto creative work requires a feeling of compact tension and a look of serious work. Probably a performance for a teacher long forgotten. I have a box of 'keys' in my tool shed, I'll try some to see what might unlock this ancient pattern.

And now, to the page with a ring of keys,
Revu2