[kajatonas]

Hello,

Don't know where to begin, i've a very hard situation nowadays, and it continues about a two months already. i'm 30, she's 27 Two months ago I started meeting a girl who is an totally arts person, singer which is known (and her populartity is growing) in my little country. And i felt in love with her, with her mindset, and how she talks about things. She also showed it back. But when the things got more serious she just stopped. As we talked she's afraid of attaching to me and so, "because" she is going on erasmus for half a year, also she has very little time because lots of work to do with her career are happening and now there are her time to grow up as an artist (dont know if it's true, but i totally understand and respect her wishes) i'm having very hard time accepting this, and feeling lots of pain in my heart.
Seems like it's simple situation. But only now im realizing how dull my life is: Im working in IT as a Network Engineer for almost 10'ers. Corporate warrior - Just digging into technology, and starting to see no meaning in it. Now, when going through it, seems like everything changed I see how I like to interact more with people than technology, and it came very touhg to acknowledge this. Maybe this is temporary, overburn or just a side efect of hearbreak. I dont know. Because all my life was not what i want to do, but what i NEED. everything was pushed through discipline. And this is contrary to her. If not my job - i dont know where i would be. But now i know that the only thing i have is the Job @ prestigious company and good money. I'm very jealous when people for example in the evenings when there're free time arts people are going to some workshops, repetations and so on. Seems like i'm lacking some softness in my life. Maybe i'll need to have some hobbie which is towards to ARTs to get that softness. Also im highly sensitive person, she has that too.
And besides all these things i got problem number 3. 1 year ago i applied to job abroad. At that time i was not selected, but now i got an invitiation letter to work there. And I'm lost. I always wanted to try myself to work abroad. Meet some new people, get some abroad experiance, improve my english, etc. Now in my head i can't think clearly. On one side i think it would be very nice once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to get out of my comfort zone and to try work abroad. On other side im afraid that I'd be crushed by the job which im not feeling passion anymore. But maybe the passion would revive as the organization will change. Anyhow stepping out of comfort zone would definetaly shape my. But i'm afraid..
Also im doing psychotherapy which helps.. but slowly.. having bad time to make a sleep, also drinking B vitamins to release the anxiety..

[ArchieAus]

I think the three questions you listed down are questions you can only answer for yourself . But here's a train of thought anyway .
The lady seems to be more interested in focusing on her career right now more than being in a committed relationship . Or at least in a committed relationship with you ( sorry to be blunt ) . Give her some space , to achieve her dreams . Stay in contact . Perhaps you will find a time in the future where she wishes to become in a deeper relationship with you . At that time you may wish the same or you may have moved on .

You feeling burnt out and wondering if you need to add some hobbies . In short , answer that with question three .

Question three . Not sure if you should take the job offer in another country . Only you can answer this , but it would be a great opportunity to deal with all three questions you have . Your 30 ,single and good at your profession , so no better time to do it . It will expand your mind and perspective . Give you life experience you will never get staying where you are . The change will take your mind off the lady and show to her that you also can move on and do interesting things ( likely to make you more attractive to her strangely enough ).
It could give you a new perspective and appreciation of your profession in a different , new environment . It will give you ample opportunity to open your mind to different hobbies , arts , cultures .

Leaving your country to work is not all sugar and roses . It can be hard and sometimes lonely , but it makes your spirit grow . In my 20's I went to Europe for three years to work . It was one of the smartest things I ever did in my life . I grew as a person , grew mentally and strangely enough also found love .
What do have to lose ?

[kajatonas]

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I think the three questions you listed down are questions you can only answer for yourself . But here's a train of thought anyway .
The lady seems to be more interested in focusing on her career right now more than being in a committed relationship . Or at least in a committed relationship with you ( sorry to be blunt ) . Give her some space , to achieve her dreams . Stay in contact . Perhaps you will find a time in the future where she wishes to become in a deeper relationship with you . At that time you may wish the same or you may have moved on .

You feeling burnt out and wondering if you need to add some hobbies . In short , answer that with question three .

Question three . Not sure if you should take the job offer in another country . Only you can answer this , but it would be a great opportunity to deal with all three questions you have . Your 30 ,single and good at your profession , so no better time to do it . It will expand your mind and perspective . Give you life experience you will never get staying where you are . The change will take your mind off the lady and show to her that you also can move on and do interesting things ( likely to make you more attractive to her strangely enough ).
It could give you a new perspective and appreciation of your profession in a different , new environment . It will give you ample opportunity to open your mind to different hobbies , arts , cultures .

Leaving your country to work is not all sugar and roses . It can be hard and sometimes lonely , but it makes your spirit grow . In my 20's I went to Europe for three years to work . It was one of the smartest things I ever did in my life . I grew as a person , grew mentally and strangely enough also found love .
What do have to lose ?

thank you, actually the only logical thing to lose is the current job. But from logical side - there are other companies in my country, and still i would need to leave the current company on good notice to make possible to comeback.. it's so easy when thinking logically. I would get so much (emotionaly) for even doing the step.....

[kajatonas]

Originally Posted by ArchieAus

I think the three questions you listed down are questions you can only answer for yourself . But here's a train of thought anyway .
The lady seems to be more interested in focusing on her career right now more than being in a committed relationship . Or at least in a committed relationship with you ( sorry to be blunt ) . Give her some space , to achieve her dreams . Stay in contact . Perhaps you will find a time in the future where she wishes to become in a deeper relationship with you . At that time you may wish the same or you may have moved on .

You feeling burnt out and wondering if you need to add some hobbies . In short , answer that with question three .

Question three . Not sure if you should take the job offer in another country . Only you can answer this , but it would be a great opportunity to deal with all three questions you have . Your 30 ,single and good at your profession , so no better time to do it . It will expand your mind and perspective . Give you life experience you will never get staying where you are . The change will take your mind off the lady and show to her that you also can move on and do interesting things ( likely to make you more attractive to her strangely enough ).
It could give you a new perspective and appreciation of your profession in a different , new environment . It will give you ample opportunity to open your mind to different hobbies , arts , cultures .

Leaving your country to work is not all sugar and roses . It can be hard and sometimes lonely , but it makes your spirit grow . In my 20's I went to Europe for three years to work . It was one of the smartest things I ever did in my life . I grew as a person , grew mentally and strangely enough also found love .
What do have to lose ?

and btw you know.. how it's possible to just a "keep contact" with a person who you in love with. Maybe that my mistake, cause im able just to go all in or all out. Just black or white, no middle.. i guess i've something to learn//

[ArchieAus]

maybe try that one in the relationship forum 😊