[NeedHaldol]

I just finished my spot on an online radio station and did well at the beginning and then kinda sucked. I usually play well when I don't try to jam a bunch of tunes I like into the mix not really having a reason to be there.

There are 2 stations I am on that I can never pull off a flawless mix. Today was the first time I had played on one of those stations and wanted to do awesome. I failed.

It is a small station and I am the only one playing on Tuesdays. I am sure barely anyone heard me, but I cannot take the mix and host it on my site. I do not like that. It has happened a lot lately.

My website has a low count of visitors and I do not know how to bring more people to the site. I really want to get them to join my newsletter so I can hold that number in hand and really give me the approval I think I need.

However, I really have an I don't give a f*** attitude, but as I gain little bits of attention and/or praise, I find myself craving it more. I was high on some charts and it felt good even though I know they are bulls***. I can't seem to get myself out of this sudden need.

How do I let go and just be?

[NeedHaldol]

I actually am listening back to my mix and it is not as bad as I intially thought. My wife knows I overreact to my bad shows after I get a chance to listen to them.

The core issue still remains however.