[rdgrad15]

Does anyone else agree that being at work makes you behave in a way that you normally not act outside of work or, in general, have to act in a way that is not your true self? I know that there are boundaries and professionalism is expected at work, but I know some work environments make you practically change your personality for a certain number of hours each day.

Even at interviews, I'm sure everyone has given the interviewer an answer they want to hear. No one is going to admit a true personal weakness especially if it may hinder their ability of getting a job. And at work, you're basically expected to not show emotion or at least hide the fact that something is upsetting you. Nothing personal can be brought into the work place since it's seen as unprofessional.

I never tell my coworkers how I'm truly feeling. I don't trust them to begin with since they're very gossipy but when they ask me how things are, I always say very good. Similar to how you would never tell a stranger how you are truly feeling when they ask you out of obligation when starting a conversation, especially on the phone. I force myself to be more talkative at work when I need to be, even though outside of work I don't talk unless I'm approached by someone and they take the initiative to talk first. Also if I'm upset about something, even work related, I keep it to myself.

Also I've had friends admit that they act different at work too and that they would never want to see their coworkers outside of work and would never consider them friends. I wouldn't consider mine friends. Also I've heard a coworker tell someone that, while at work, she doesn't mind talking to coworkers, but outside of work, she wants nothing to do with anyone. Which I totally understand. Unfortunately work can be a very fake environment. Does anyone else feel like they have to be someone they're not while at work? It seems like this is the norm in the workplace.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Yes absolutely.....

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

Yes absolutely.....

Yeah it seems to be common.

[unaluna]

Otherwise "work" would be called "fun". Or, "unpaid".

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Otherwise "work" would be called "fun". Or, "unpaid".

Yeah pretty much.

[divine1966]

I am pretty much the same person everywhere. At work or not. Of course within reason but no, my personality or behavior in general doesn’t change when I am at work.

Now not bringing personal things into work place doesn’t mean you are fake or changed your personality. There is simply time and place for everything.

[seesaw]

I had jobs like that in the past, where I felt like I couldn't be myself, even without sharing personal information, just couldn't even have my own personality.

But I don't buy into that any longer. I do avoid sharing personal information at work, but I am always myself and won't play a part for anyone. I have learned to be confident in who I am, and also comfortable that who I am can be different than who someone else is, and not let others let me feel shame or discomfort or unconfident for it. Definitely, if your personality is out of sync with the company's culture, it can always feel like you're putting on a show. I think, often for those of us with trauma histories, that being ourselves is risky or scary, because it makes us vulnerable. We lack confidence or self-esteem to stand up for who we are, despite the company culture. Just speculating based on my own experience.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am pretty much the same person everywhere. At work or not. Of course within reason but no, my personality or behavior in general doesn’t change when I am at work.

Now not bringing personal things into work place doesn’t mean you are fake or changed your personality. There is simply time and place for everything.

Yeah true. That makes sense. Definitely a time and place for everything.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I had jobs like that in the past, where I felt like I couldn't be myself, even without sharing personal information, just couldn't even have my own personality.

But I don't buy into that any longer. I do avoid sharing personal information at work, but I am always myself and won't play a part for anyone. I have learned to be confident in who I am, and also comfortable that who I am can be different than who someone else is, and not let others let me feel shame or discomfort or unconfident for it. Definitely, if your personality is out of sync with the company's culture, it can always feel like you're putting on a show. I think, often for those of us with trauma histories, that being ourselves is risky or scary, because it makes us vulnerable. We lack confidence or self-esteem to stand up for who we are, despite the company culture. Just speculating based on my own experience.

I'm glad you are able to be yourself more without sharing personal information. Unfortunately some work environments don't even let you have your own personality. It can be tough at times.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

I'm glad you are able to be yourself more without sharing personal information. Unfortunately some work environments don't even let you have your own personality. It can be tough at times.

If you can’t have your own personality at work (not even sure how people can change who they are? ) then the work place or the entire career is definitely a wrong fit.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you can’t have your own personality at work (not even sure how people can change who they are? ) then the work place or the entire career is definitely a wrong fit.

Absolutely agree.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you can’t have your own personality at work (not even sure how people can change who they are? ) then the work place or the entire career is definitely a wrong fit.

Yep I agree.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Absolutely agree.

Yep I agree too.

[Discombobulated]

I thought about this and I am pretty much me at work, without the personal stuff of course, that's just boundaries. If I was having a tough personal time I wouldn't talk about it at work but that would benefit me because I would want to get away from that - in fact at times work has been a safe refuge for me.

If a workplace was so constricted you couldn't be yourself I agree with others it may be a sign to move on. I would find that very hard.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

I thought about this and I am pretty much me at work, without the personal stuff of course, that's just boundaries. If I was having a tough personal time I wouldn't talk about it at work but that would benefit me because I would want to get away from that - in fact at times work has been a safe refuge for me.

If a workplace was so constricted you couldn't be yourself I agree with others it may be a sign to move on. I would find that very hard.

Yep I totally agree with you. In terms of work being a place of refuge, I agree. There has been times where I actually much rather be at work than at home. I don't tell anyone, none of their business. Also they really wouldn't care either. But at the same time, there has been times where I would feel happier at work than at home. Similar to how when I was at college, I was much happier when I was on campus than at home. But yeah, if you are very restricted on how you behave, than I agree that it's a sign to move on.

[browneyedgirl20]

I find that everyone has a different 'personality' around different people, whether it is around family, friends, work, strangers. They also have different memories and ideas of you too so your family will see you and remember you differently to your co-workers for example.

This is completely normal. I feel I can't be myself at work either, because my boss won't allow us to have friendly conversations with colleagues at all. We are only allowed to talk to colleagues if it is work related. Toxic environment, so I am completely restricted on how I behave, speak, act in the office not always out of choice. If I did have a choice, then I'd be very wary of being 'myself' in this environment. I'm making a plan to get out of there.

My old job was great because I could be myself and chat with co-workers during the workday.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by browneyedgirl20

I find that everyone has a different 'personality' around different people, whether it is around family, friends, work, strangers. They also have different memories and ideas of you too so your family will see you and remember you differently to your co-workers for example.

This is completely normal. I feel I can't be myself at work either, because my boss won't allow us to have friendly conversations with colleagues at all. We are only allowed to talk to colleagues if it is work related. Toxic environment, so I am completely restricted on how I behave, speak, act in the office not always out of choice. If I did have a choice, then I'd be very wary of being 'myself' in this environment. I'm making a plan to get out of there.

My old job was great because I could be myself and chat with co-workers during the workday.

Yep that is true. Everyone has a different way of acting towards different people. Although I do believe people do have a default way of acting around those they are closest to. For me, it is around friends. I'm able to be myself the most around them. As for coworkers, I'm wary as well. I'm sorry your work environment is very restrictive. That sounds like it's a bit too restrictive. Hope you get out of there soon.

[divine1966]

I don’t think it’s changing personality as much as adjusting one’s behavior to fit the situation.

Lots of people cuss or use other somewhat harsh words in certain situations: bad driver cuts us off on the road or we burn ourselves cooking. We don’t use the kind of language at dinner parties or at work or in church.

I have loud voice but I don’t speak loud in the library or museum or at funerals.

Adults adjust their behaviors to fit the situation and be appropriate. Only little kids behave the same everywhere. Ability to alter one’s behavior is a sigh of maturity.

Nothing to do with personally change

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think it’s changing personality as much as adjusting one’s behavior to fit the situation.

Lots of people cuss or use other somewhat harsh words in certain situations: bad driver cuts us off on the road or we burn ourselves cooking. We don’t use the kind of language at dinner parties or at work or in church.

I have loud voice but I don’t speak loud in the library or museum or at funerals.

Adults adjust their behaviors to fit the situation and be appropriate. Only little kids behave the same everywhere. Ability to alter one’s behavior is a sigh of maturity.

Nothing to do with personally change

Yeah that makes sense. I can see that.

[sarahsweets]

I think its a form of self protection. We really dont want people at work to know what is going on with us if its bad.

[DechanDawa]

My favorite career job was when I worked as a photographer. I was always behind the camera so I did not really have to interact. I was a stealth photographer when I worked in a hospital and needed to be kind of invisible. I also had to not faint while talking grisly photos.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

I think its a form of self protection. We really dont want people at work to know what is going on with us if its bad.

Yep totally agree. I know I wouldn't tell my coworkers about something that is upsetting me.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

My favorite career job was when I worked as a photographer. I was always behind the camera so I did not really have to interact. I was a stealth photographer when I worked in a hospital and needed to be kind of invisible. I also had to not faint while talking grisly photos.

Oh nice, that sounds cool.

[Foldinthecheese]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Does anyone else agree that being at work makes you behave in a way that you normally not act outside of work or, in general, have to act in a way that is not your true self? I know that there are boundaries and professionalism is expected at work, but I know some work environments make you practically change your personality for a certain number of hours each day.

Even at interviews, I'm sure everyone has given the interviewer an answer they want to hear. No one is going to admit a true personal weakness especially if it may hinder their ability of getting a job. And at work, you're basically expected to not show emotion or at least hide the fact that something is upsetting you. Nothing personal can be brought into the work place since it's seen as unprofessional.

I never tell my coworkers how I'm truly feeling. I don't trust them to begin with since they're very gossipy but when they ask me how things are, I always say very good. Similar to how you would never tell a stranger how you are truly feeling when they ask you out of obligation when starting a conversation, especially on the phone. I force myself to be more talkative at work when I need to be, even though outside of work I don't talk unless I'm approached by someone and they take the initiative to talk first. Also if I'm upset about something, even work related, I keep it to myself.

Also I've had friends admit that they act different at work too and that they would never want to see their coworkers outside of work and would never consider them friends. I wouldn't consider mine friends. Also I've heard a coworker tell someone that, while at work, she doesn't mind talking to coworkers, but outside of work, she wants nothing to do with anyone. Which I totally understand. Unfortunately work can be a very fake environment. Does anyone else feel like they have to be someone they're not while at work? It seems like this is the norm in the workplace.

I was in the EXACT SAME SITUATION with the previous position in my company. For 9 years. Every day felt like I had to be someone else. Or many different people! It was a customer service position in the medical field so I literally had to teeter the line of doing my job medically- which in itself people get upset over when they dont hear what they wanna hear- and making sure patient's were able to do the "customer is always right" crap even when they were wrong and stepped all over my feelings. That in itself cultivated a culture of identity crisis for me. But I also was a floor supervisor so now I had to manage my "coworker friends." I was never a hardass to them so I always wondered if they truly liked me and thought of me as a friend, or if they were just being cordial to their boss. So I wasnt sure how to act around them. It was the planet's lining up to make this toxic personality mess for me,personally. I found it affecting my mental health- literally having to prep myself to be someone else for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week- it was adding up and I could feel my tension rising. So I found another position in the company- non management but same pay and working from home.
Long story short- I TOTALLY get what you're saying. I've been there, you're not alone. It really sucks.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Foldinthecheese

I was in the EXACT SAME SITUATION with the previous position in my company. For 9 years. Every day felt like I had to be someone else. Or many different people! It was a customer service position in the medical field so I literally had to teeter the line of doing my job medically- which in itself people get upset over when they dont hear what they wanna hear- and making sure patient's were able to do the "customer is always right" crap even when they were wrong and stepped all over my feelings. That in itself cultivated a culture of identity crisis for me. But I also was a floor supervisor so now I had to manage my "coworker friends." I was never a hardass to them so I always wondered if they truly liked me and thought of me as a friend, or if they were just being cordial to their boss. So I wasnt sure how to act around them. It was the planet's lining up to make this toxic personality mess for me,personally. I found it affecting my mental health- literally having to prep myself to be someone else for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week- it was adding up and I could feel my tension rising. So I found another position in the company- non management but same pay and working from home.
Long story short- I TOTALLY get what you're saying. I've been there, you're not alone. It really sucks.

Oh wow, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Glad you found something better for yourself. Yeah I hate preparing myself to be someone I’m not and not being able to trust my coworkers. They are the kind that will talk like they are best friends one day, even go on short walks during breaks, but then be talking crap behind each others back later on. I get that people can be judgmental but that extreme behavior is quite alarming in my opinion. Yeah trying to be someone to please others is exhausting. In fact, I dislike being around those at work enough that I actually like doing things remote, it is easier.