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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 04:37 PM
  #21
@divine1966. At my boss's suggestion, I'm now meeting with the woman Tuesday AM to "smooth things over" and clarify to her where I was coming from. Should I just point blank ask if she's going to forward my final recommendations? Or not ask at all? Or ask my boss instead of her if my final recommendations will be sent to the higher ups?

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Last edited by Have Hope; Feb 14, 2021 at 04:53 PM..
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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 04:57 PM
  #22
Talk to her about where you are on it but also ask her what are her views. She must have some reasons for including her recommendations.

They already sent recommendations, didn’t they?. I’d not be asking to send yours again.
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Default Feb 14, 2021 at 05:05 PM
  #23
SHe does have a reason why but she never checked with me or consulted with me on the recommendation when it is MY job alone to do, it was MY document of recommendations that I put together myself, and when MY name is the name on the work. She's going to make me look really bad if I not speak up.

Thanks, divine. I think I have my answer!

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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 06:33 AM
  #24
WOW - jus WOW.

I got on a call with that woman. I not only got a talking to, but she was very punitive towards me, used very negative terms to describe my tone and my initial approach to her, and she was corrective towards me. The call left me feeling quite small, which I'm sure was her goal. Mission accomplished. She even told me what my job is, and corrected me on MY understanding of my role. This woman is superior to me, but she is NOT my boss! Then when I tried to describe and explain exactly why I had to remove her recommendation from my own work and recommendations, she told me she doesn't need to be "schooled" about my field of expertise.

I was really taken aback by her tone and nasty words.

I already hate this woman!

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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 07:28 AM
  #25
Now you know to keep your distance from her (politely). The thing is that perhaps you misunderstood your role on the projects or how they do things, but it’s a new job for you and she’d catch more flies with honey by simply explaining it to you nicely. Honestly if she is a higher up and was there for awhile (even if she isn’t your boss she likely knows how things are being done) it’s better to not get into confrontations with her and just keep doing your job. It doesn’t sound like you’d win with her or be able to change how they do things.

Document your contributions and go with a flow. I hope you don’t have to see her every day. Focus on work tasks and save your own contributions for your records in case something ever goes wrong
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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 07:41 AM
  #26
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Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
Now you know to keep your distance from her (politely). The thing is that perhaps you misunderstood your role on the projects or how they do things, but it’s a new job for you and she’d catch more flies with honey by simply explaining it to you nicely. Honestly if she is a higher up and was there for awhile (even if she isn’t your boss she likely knows how things are being done) it’s better to not get into confrontations with her and just keep doing your job. It doesn’t sound like you’d win with her or be able to change how they do things.

Document your contributions and go with a flow. I hope you don’t have to see her every day. Focus on work tasks and save your own contributions for your records in case something ever goes wrong
Thanks @divine1966.

Oh yes, it's completely possible hat I am misunderstanding my role on projects, her role on projects and how things get done. Of course I am not educated on those aspects yet, and I was jus thrown into the fire with this project for the CEO.

What I DO understand is that she DID usurp my role as the solo digital marketing expert. She inserted her own recommendation into MY work without flying it by me first. That is a no-no and is totally unethical. My name was on that document, I pulled the entirety of my recommendations together. It is NOT HER JOB to be making these recommendations... it's mine. So she was clearly stepping on my toes there. That's the one thing that is very clear to me.

I am definitely documenting everything... it's all in writing.

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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 08:48 AM
  #27
I am just saying that it sounds like your boss and she didn’t think it was wrong. Otherwise she’d be in trouble. She wasn’t. Your boss explained that’s how they do things. I totally understand how it made you feel but what we feel and what’s happening doesn’t always match. They didn’t consider it a no no. I just don’t want you to start having negative thoughts about this job and start disliking it, it has nowhere to go but downhill then. We have to accept how things done until perhaps we are established there enough to make changes.

For now just accept how things are being run and getting along with others is a big component on a job. Is it easy? No. But it’s better to start gently and then amp it up then the other way around. When they know and respect you they'd be more willing to hear criticism. You don’t want bad reputation early on. And trust me it doesn’t take long for that. You don’t want that
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 04:26 AM
  #28
The thing is though, when I first and initially asked my boss if all digital marketing recommendations should be run by me first before they are sent out, he said he agreed. So, my boss was agreeing that i was correct. I think he was political about it in the end. And we did have a follow up team call to discuss the recommendations yesterday, and I was able to express my opinions then to a different higher up.

And she even stepped on my boss's toes by trying to correct my own understanding of the definition of. my role! She defined my role to me on that call, and she was incorrect!

Sure, I have to accept how things are run, but if they are going to continue to be run the way they were last week, I cannot be successful there at all. And I will have to leave.

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Last edited by Have Hope; Feb 18, 2021 at 04:44 AM..
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 06:07 AM
  #29
Well sometimes jobs are just a bad fit. I’d give it a bit of time to figure that out. Or maybe it’s just this one woman. Hopefully things improve
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 06:13 AM
  #30
Very true! I do need to give it more time... but any job that comes along that looks good for me, I will interview.

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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 02:51 PM
  #31
I'm having a complete emotional breakdown. I left work early for "personal reasons". I could care less given the stress they've put me through already. It's stress overload, and I'm melting down, bursting into tears within the first two weeks. I want to leave.

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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 03:19 PM
  #32
Is it this woman again? It’s ok to take time off. Hope you’ll feel better tomorrow. Are you able to start therapy again soon? That would be really helpful to run work situations by the therapist.
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 04:18 PM
  #33
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Is it this woman again? It’s ok to take time off. Hope you’ll feel better tomorrow. Are you able to start therapy again soon? That would be really helpful to run work situations by the therapist.
It's everything combined.... I've reached a breaking point and I've reached my limit. I have an emergency session with my therapist today.

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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 04:59 PM
  #34
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It's everything combined.... I've reached a breaking point and I've reached my limit. I have an emergency session with my therapist today.
Oh great that you get to see a therapist. Sorry you are having hard time
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Default Feb 19, 2021 at 05:38 AM
  #35
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Oh great that you get to see a therapist. Sorry you are having hard time
Thanks @divine1966.

It helped to talk to my therapist last night. And at least I was able to sleep better last night with a bump in my sleep medication.

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Default Feb 19, 2021 at 05:56 AM
  #36
What has happened with that woman now has not only tainted my first days at work to be very negative and contentious, but because of her extremely harsh, corrective and punitive tone with me on the phone earlier this week, I now am questioning every little thing I do and am worrying that I have the wrong approach!!!! She shook my confidence level, when I had begun with 100% confidence in myself. I am sure that was her GOAL!!!!!!!!!! I am SO ANGRY.

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Default Feb 26, 2021 at 11:44 AM
  #37
Don't give her that much power. You were able to voice the situation with the boss and your concerns were heard and documented. At that point, the decisions are in management's hands. Sometimes you just have to let it go and move on to the next project in the business world.

Collaborative work situations are great when all parties are truly communicating and working together; they can be stressful when someone tries to dominate and overstep their role in that collaboration. In the end, you get the project done, and you move on to the next one, making note of the issues that did arise so down the road you will know to find a way to proactively circumvent those same issues.

Some people are just really difficult to work with, but remember that is THEIR personality and THEIR inability to work respectfully and collaboratively, not yours. The failing is hers. She'll never see it or admit it, and let go of any idea that you'll ever get her to do so; she's not worth that emotional energy. It is very likely the higher ups are well aware of this person's insufficiencies and just aren't sharing that information with you.

As are as it is, let that go, and move forward. You don't have to let it eat you up inside.
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Default Feb 26, 2021 at 04:42 PM
  #38
Thank you very much @ArtleyWilkins. I appreciate your support!

I want to quit already. I am considering leaving on Monday and giving my notice. I've had it. My morale is already very low, it's an insane work environment, and I absolutely hate it.

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Default Feb 26, 2021 at 08:23 PM
  #39
I informed my boss that I am about to leave. He talked me off the ledge for now, but already they've already also changed my boss and group on me too. I am seriously considering quitting.

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Default Feb 26, 2021 at 08:25 PM
  #40
Can you afford to quit? Without having something lined up? You mentioned you think you are going back to your ex. But you shared he is severely abusive including financial abuse. He couldn’t be relied on financially before, is he doing to support you now? Would you want to financially depend on abuser? You’d not get unemployment if you quit. Be careful just quitting like this. I’d not make impulsive decisions. I do get stressful job situation, it could be very tough
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