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Question Feb 17, 2021 at 07:45 AM
  #1
I want to learn how best to handle and manage a bully at work, who is as I described in the title, and without having to file a formal complaint to Human Resources?

I've read that bullies only respond to strength, and that if you show any weakness to them, they will exploit it further.

I don't know how to accomplish that.... ? I kind of cower to bullies and get intimidated and then end up apologizing when I shouldn't have to apologize.

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Default Feb 17, 2021 at 09:34 AM
  #2
I had a guy once bothering me at work, not superior. He was exceptionally lazy. There was a task he had to complete and he didn’t want to do it. It was important for me that he does it (long story but the task was something had to be done or it would reflect poorly on me if he didn’t do it). I didn’t invent the task but I was the one who needed it done. So I’d keep reminding him to do the task.

He then started to make jabs and back handed rude comments to me in passing. In front of others or alone. It took me a minute to figure out what’s he doing. One day I stopped him and asked if he is having personal problem with me. He freaked out oh no no I don’t. I said the comments you make sound like you are having issues with me. I’d be glad to resolve those in the meeting with administration and you can explain what is that you have against me. He again looked all freaked out no no I don’t have any issues. So if you don’t have any issues I expect comments completely stop. Ok ok. He never made another nasty comment and was polite until he retired.

Could the person be ignored? If the person could not be ignored and you have to work with her, I personally would say I feel we started on a wrong foot, could we start over and see how we can improve our communication. I’d like us to have good rapport. She might be receptive

Oh no please, no HR.
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Default Feb 18, 2021 at 05:00 AM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
I had a guy once bothering me at work, not superior. He was exceptionally lazy. There was a task he had to complete and he didn’t want to do it. It was important for me that he does it (long story but the task was something had to be done or it would reflect poorly on me if he didn’t do it). I didn’t invent the task but I was the one who needed it done. So I’d keep reminding him to do the task.

He then started to make jabs and back handed rude comments to me in passing. In front of others or alone. It took me a minute to figure out what’s he doing. One day I stopped him and asked if he is having personal problem with me. He freaked out oh no no I don’t. I said the comments you make sound like you are having issues with me. I’d be glad to resolve those in the meeting with administration and you can explain what is that you have against me. He again looked all freaked out no no I don’t have any issues. So if you don’t have any issues I expect comments completely stop. Ok ok. He never made another nasty comment and was polite until he retired.

Could the person be ignored? If the person could not be ignored and you have to work with her, I personally would say I feel we started on a wrong foot, could we start over and see how we can improve our communication. I’d like us to have good rapport. She might be receptive

Oh no please, no HR.
That's a very good example of how to stand up to someone and confront them directly, but in a professional manner.

But what about someone above you in position who is not your boss? No, I did not report anything to HR. I reported it to my boss, however, and appropriately, I do believe. I addressed it with her directly, yet she chastised me and berated me on the phone when we had a discussion about it. Afterwards, I informed my boss that she had approached me with a very punitive, corrective and negative manner on the phone, but that by the end of the conversation, we had turned it around to a more positive tone.

I hope that perhaps behind the scenes, it's being addressed and handled.

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Default May 28, 2021 at 03:59 PM
  #4
NO HR!!! NEVER EVER!! They will side with the bully who is your superior. I recently called out a very senior executive bully and MY boss, instead of helping me, threw me to the wolves - and called HR. What did HR find? The executive was interviewed and he said he wasn’t a bully to me. Case closed. Do NOT do what I did. In retrospect, I probably should have yelled back at him at the same volume, “stop yelling at me!” Or say nothing and every time you go back in have your phone on record to capture the bullying when it happens again. Because it will. And that way you can check on yourself later whether it WAS bullying or not before you deal with the situation. You have to stand up, but standing up too tall will get you whacked at the knees unless someone really has your back.
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Default Jul 10, 2021 at 11:31 AM
  #5
Same situation here. I am doing my residency in my country and the residents treat us like inferior human beings, as if we were less than human being. I feel hugely disrespected, being treated poorly by my fellow colleagues, and the thought that i will move to germany next year, is making me feel even more worried. if my fellow countryman are so unpolite with me, imagine how things will be when I am in a foreign country.
I feel like inferior here, as if i am not meant to be there, being treated like **** hurts, but i will find my way back, hopefully i will gain the strength and power to fight back and get my dignity again.
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Default Jul 11, 2021 at 08:48 AM
  #6
I respect you not wanting to go to HR. Their sole purpose is to protect the company. With that said it may be good to document the situation in case it gets worse and you do need to go to HR. Ex 3/4/2021 At 10:35am. Bob Smith walked by my desk and pulled my hair. This was witnessed by Paul Stevens and Jenny Lee. On 4/5/2021 at 12:05 Pm Bob smith screamed at me in the break room witnessed by…..etc.
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Default Jul 11, 2021 at 09:16 AM
  #7
Thanks! I quit that job back in March, so this thread is now old and obsolete. I need to ask admin to close it since the issue no longer exists.

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Default Jul 13, 2021 at 07:31 PM
  #8
Omg I did not realize it was an old thread I didn’t see that sorry about that! But I’m glad you quit the job!
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