Organisational culture

Hi All

I would like to check with you how my observations at a new workplace look to people outside the context. I would appreciate your honest comments.

Everyone readily admits that the organisation is 'politicised'; there is a strongly marked pecking order. Here are some of the way it manifests itself:
- In emails, writing the names of subordinates starting with a lower-case letter.
- Playing around with the word 'stuff', so that you're never sure if 'good stuff' is the post-junkie jargon or good staff meaning you; speaking to managers with an opening, empty phrase e.g. "Jack, your stuff...", never sure if this is "your" or "your're". The very repetitions can feel very insidious after a while; somehow, it starts to irritate more and more.
- when you do not like something being said, it is said more often, used both as punishment and as pastimes, more colleagues are shared the knowledge, etc.
- on the surface, the organisational culture is easy-going and relaxed, but after a while you find out that whatever you say about yourself is repeated to managers and to other colleagues; your values, interests and anything that is you is put to action to influence you. At the same time, you are not allowed to keep things to yourself. You are required to share about your private life, and the way you do it is subject to evaluation. Thus, you may find out that it is unexciting to hear you have done nothing special for the third weekend in a row. If you go somewhere really nice, you may have have been too extravagant, for example, etc.
At the same time, the learning process is being misguided; brings to mind the term double bind - no matter what you do or say, this time you were wrong - but you have to keep trying.
- showing middle finger has become mainstream. Like most of the other puns, it is done in a low-key manner, just under the radar. Once I looked back from sharing my screen on teams , and I saw my colleague keeping a middle finger next to his face, as if this was the most natural thing to do. As I spoke, I raised the whole palm to the camera, showing 5 fingers, so to speak; next meeting, as he spoke, he showed middle finger and afterwards five fingers. This one is very peculiar, feedback is fed back again. Feels like baroque of interpersonal communications - pretentious, overabundant in forms to the level of absurd.
- pushing buttons by senior management is legitimised by the rhetoric of helping staff get better; honestly, I do not feel like I have any choice here, and have doubts if this helps me at all.
- sometimes, the settings resemble group psychotherapy - and you can not opt out. if you try, you are met with social rejection, and before the resulting mental state wears off, you're hearing stories of personal transformation. Never in my life have I felt so much nearly derailed as after such 'interventions' - to the extent that I started to protest increasingly more abruptly. I don't know what was happening, but once that stopped, I started to feel better.
- operand conditioning - or something similar. In practical terms, very strong feedback from managers nearly all the time. They know what my aspirations and fears are, and whatever I do, I am getting either the former or the latter stimuli - pushing buttons again. This is a very tiring process, and the worst thing is that the wait it is administered feels humiliating, the oppressors show pleasure, almost some quiet, soft affection. Feels like mental rape, and the fact that sometimes this is done context-free (right after hello) increases overall confusion.

Overall, the situation at work feels dystopian, and I am considering quitting. Before I do, I will have a chance to speak with the higher HR, and I wonder if it is worth trying to check if this should be raised.

We are a charity helping people get back to normal life after abuse, neglect, prison etc; I don't know how we perform in the field, but paradoxically, I feel that the skills of my colleagues and managers misused against me consciously are just about to drive me off-road.

That was quite a bit more detail than I would speak about with HR. I wonder if the comments above sound reasonable, intact and sane.

The key issues I would communicate to HR are:
abusive use of psychological tricks
microaggressions
double-bind impairing the leading and relation-building process
public flogging
making one feel stupid, inadequate
manipulating perception of colleagues regarding staff performance
sudden moving probation meeting 1 month forward
undermining social standing with colleagues

I think they will be readily understood, but is that something senior HR want to hear of at all?

Those are some very legitimate concerns and it's understandable how being in that environment would affect you.

Do you believe that your coworkers and supervisors want to help you feel better and improve your life? (do they care about you?)

Do your coworkers and supervisors have a desire to change their behavior and become better people?

If the answer to either of these is "no", do you believe their behavior will improve and is it good for your mental health to remain in that environment?

@cklasik nonprofits/charity workplaces can be some of the most toxic workplaces to be employed at. I speak from personal experience. I've worked at nonprofits/charities my entire career, and every single one had some level toxicity (aside from one). To a certain degree you can manage how you let the toxicity impact you. All of my peers also work at nonprofits/charities, and it's not just me, it's their experience too. Perhaps because of the low pay, or who knows, it breeds poor work behavior. In the field they tend to produce good outcomes, but in the office, the infrastructure can be toxic. I branched beyond nonprofit and have found many not toxic workplaces, and now I run my own business, which I try to maintain an open atmosphere for.

My suggestion would be to tell senior HR at your exit interview, but I don't think anything will change if you tell them before you leave.

It might be something to do with the industry, or the people's skills and knowledge sometimes used unethically.

Some of the tricks played, I am never quite sure what is real and what I am imagining. But there was this motive, people would keep coming to my desk and be touching me on my arm or elbow, often saying or asking things nearly meaningless.
After 2.5 months, I started to ask them individually to stop that habit, so they would be coming nearby and touching one another as if to prove everyone did it.... and forgot to masquerade after a few days, but they would still be doing this to me, if only more seldom.

The convoluted part, I think it is believed that autistic people don't like to be touched. So, if you complain - you must be autistic. Or am reading too much into it?

The work world is more diverse than ever and yes, many have used unethical means to gain and retain their positions. Honestly, from the advice given to me, I've learned not to play into the banter. Bullies will likely get bored and move onto something else. A. indicating they are not preforming to the level they need to be if they have all this time to bother others and B. they were hired on and are accepted in this role. Now at this point your best interest might be with another company. But don't give up too quickly. Best to stay in good relationship with those who can help you and in time some of your questions may be answered.

Personally, I think micro-agression is a relatable subject and should be able to be handled gracefully by HR with mediating tools.

In a professional environment it is not absurd to expect to be treated with respect. I agree you may want to limit what is shared with HR and stick to the facts. Speaking up before things get out of hand is surely advised. Best of luck.

Oh, this is definitely cause for HR intervention. No one should be touching you directly, whether you are autistic or not. No one likes unwelcome touch.

Sorry, this is more than banter. It sounds like you are a target to these people. Could there be reason for this? I would try not to let their behaviors effect you. If you don't like being touched continue to speak to people individually or, try to ignore the unwanted behavior until you speak to HR for mediation.

Try to remember that touch can be a good thing when used appropriately. I definitely would not want to feel cornered or forced into anything though. It is probably best to keep relationships at work on a professional level.

(I thought this was going to be a thread about Marie Kondo...) joking aside, the uninvited touching is definitely something I’d bring up to HR.
Edit - very few people like uninvited touching, autistic or not; in most (if not all?) environments it is classed as harassment and even battery (doesn’t have to be physically harmful or damaging).
If you do get called autistic if you complain (to the perps or HR), it’s likely they’re trying to shame you in order to undermine your personal boundaries. You are right that unwanted touch likely upsets some autistic people to a greater degree, but being unhappy with the touching doesn’t mean you’re autistic, if you’re worried about that. The people you work with are in the wrong, regardless.

Thank you all for your comments.

There was a question about why this should happen to me at all. This a million-dollar one for me. The mechanisms are several but a common one is I attract the attention of bullies. I remember a documentary about dangerous prisoners, where one of them said he would recognise a victim 'in a heartbeat'. They start politely (we come back to the out of prison context ) but gradually follow-up with an increasing number of suggestions I do something. I find most of them unworthwhile, and gradually their smile starts showing fangs, and other folks are all one-by-one made to turn against me.

I have a strong sense of individuality and, generally, like people, but what happens to me in groups is sometimes really scary, especially with the masks on the faces LOL, and with their wants and neediness people sometimes feel like zombies.